Recently a news article came out stating that Calgary had more young working men in Canada, with Edmonton a close second (Globe and Mail). What fantastic and amazing news for my fellow female Albertans. We are living in the prime market for female choice. In saying this though, how many of you fine ladies have ever felt like you are settling? Or what’s even worse is when you do not realize that you were settling until the relationship was over. Hindsight and all can be a real kick in the pants. But there is hope, and that is in taking the relationship to that amazing place where by the female is in control of her own happiness (Men this is actually good news for you in the long run).
But wait a minute, what if it makes me happy to see my partner happy? Welcome to my relationship pattern that I am working my little tushie to break. I know I have an ability to make people happy, and the rub of this is that it in turn makes me happy. I get a short sense of pride from knowing that I have been the cause and effect of that big grin on my friends face. But it is always a short burst of adrenaline that actually results, which has addicting properties, so you seek out the next hit and so on and so forth. Soon you realize that you are drained of all energy and have done nothing to actually make yourself happy in the first and foremost. So what if you were a brave soul and did something for yourself, even selfishly? Would your man want to be a part of that? If not would he want to listen to the stories that you would tell afterwards with you glowing with self discovered pride? The answers are very telling as to where you may actually be in a relationship.
This is something I have pieced together in my own life, I am pro at living for myself when I am just dating someone. In a long term relationship though I get into my head that things need to be bigger, and more important, living day to day just can’t possibly be enough. How silly does that actually sound? In a relationship my happiness becomes the secondary objective because of fear that my partner will not respect or love me for being an individual? I know I have said very similar things of this nature over and over, but each time I dig a little deeper into the realization of just how skewed life in a relationship has been for me in the past. There are things that I have experienced in the past few weeks that I will demand in my future relationships. I will demand them not in the bitchy or nagging way, but more I will demand them of myself and for myself. I want to have my playground in my life, and yes I want the old school playgrounds that have the super dangerous wooden swings and the metal merri-go-rounds that you can hang off and play superman.
I experienced monogamy and long term relationships during my college years. In my mid twenties I am exploring my sexuality, and learning about what really makes me tick. My wants versus needs are constantly being challenged and although emotionally it can be a bit difficult, the payoff knowing that I am fully satisfied in life is priceless. I have lived blindly in a man’s world for years. I have played the role of the stable, rational, and predictable female who on the outside looks to fit in perfectly. Day by day though, I chip through this façade a little more, and am creating my reality, my playground. A year and a half ago I was asked about my ultimate sexual fantasy. Last weekend I was finally brave enough to bring this dream to fruition. I literally wore the biggest grin on my face for days afterwards, and that euphoric feeling was so amazing that I wish upon everyone who reads my blog to take the time to fantasize. Even if you never see the dream through, at least you have taken the time to dream up your playground and see the view from inside. Who knows, you might be willing to start building it.