Making My Path

So the other day my assistant manager asked me how my boyfriend was.  My manager overheard this and started to chuckle, and said “boyfriends you mean”.  I of course laughed and agreed with my manager that having more than one was much more fun.  The dating game is all about variety.  Until a person is ready to settle down it seems that the stigma is starting to subside with regards to dating multiple people.  When asked who I am seeing right now, my answer is always that it is summer and it is all about fun.  Yes I am taking advantage of that behaviour, but I wonder how the conversation would have gone if I was having the same summer of fun with my significant other?

Will I so easily be able to explain that I or both of us have fun on the side.  To express that there is a non-monogamous type of lifestyle outside of the dating parameters?  The behaviour seems all well and good in the art and drama community, but is this lifestyle acceptable in the oil and gas industry for example?  Sadly probably not.  I am currently reading the Ethical Slut,Reading List,which I have linked here as part of my ongoing reading list.  In it there is practical advice for how to live out a relationship outside of the normal realms of monogamy.  Seriously where has this book been for the last two years of my life? 

A dear family friend whom I have just reconnected with, in the past year or so remarked to me that I am a real and true peacemaker.  She said I am not controversial and that I always look for the good in people which is why she always trusts my opinions of those around me.  It was one of those heartfelt moments where I gulped back a tear and thanked this woman who has known me since I was 3 years old.  But what really hit home is that much of that is true.  I always prefer peaceful resistance to open confrontation.  Writing this blog has enabled me the gift of calmly and rationally expressing my concerns in regards to monogamy.  It affords me a platform with which to share that there is a world outside with playtime and love and so many possibilities of opening up.  Perhaps building the support of dating multiple people is just the transition that I need in order to fall in love with more than one person or at the very least to care deeply for multiple people’s emotional and physical needs thereby making this unconventional lifestyle work.

I was raised with one preconceived notion that when it came to children there should always be one parent for each child as there is only so much love that a parent can give.  I have personally met no family that has more than two children where any of the children received less love.  This concept of dividing love is just not rational.  I love my friends and family with all my heart and would do anything for them.  I love multiple friends and this does not mean that I do not have less love to give a partner.  I love myself with my whole heart but this does not mean that I have less love to give a person who is sharing an hour or two of their time in the name of safe and consensual sex.  We are capable of loving many people with whom we come into contact throughout our lives.  It almost seems selfish to only have a love for only one man for the rest of my life.  Multiple love exists everyday for the people that we come into contact with, why should sexual connections be restricted to singular love?  Instead it seems more important for that particular love to be shared.  And a bonus to this way of thinking is that there are endless possibilities and combinations with which to experiment in this multiple love and connection making.  I feel empowered to explore and experience this amazing world for all it has to offer.  And to make a path that makes me happy.

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