I suppose the knowledge that my family reads my blog and those people who I have face to face time with keeps me from putting into print things that could in fact be harmful to my professional reputation. Which for all intents and purposes is a good thing, but every once in a while something that makes me smile so proudly comes up that I just want to share. It can be a bit of an internal battle between what I would tell a person to their face, versus what I would just blindly tell the public and although I struggle with this concept I would dislike ever being told that my blog was boring. Criticism and feedback are always welcomed with loving arms, as well as questions or giving me permission to share other people stories. But for the right now let me share with you mine.
Recently I found myself a little over my head in the forays of the dating world. I was conflicted by having a lot on the go, some pretty significant work changes, dear friends coming back to the city and some moving away from me. I craved some pick me ups thus I went and flirted my little heart out. It felt amazing and it completely rejuvenated me in a healthy and safe way. But all good things do find a give point, especially when there is so much, and at times too many people and commitments on the go. I found myself almost burdened by the fact that aside from two amazing male confidants I was unable to really share or seek solace in what I had just got myself into. Thus I set myself up perfectly to be a little vulnerable and open to new possibilities.
There was one guy in particular who was obviously not OK with the idea of an open relationship. At this point I should have politely bowed out and said it was a pleasure meeting you, but of course there would not be something to write about if that happened. Instead I was basically given a carrot attached to string dangled in front that represented the elusive dating thingy that I have heard so much about. I do not ever get courted by men, instead I fall head first into relationships. Here was a guy tempting me with being dated, shown around, taken for adventures and basically just treated like a princess so long as we are monogamous. I was so tempted. It sounded wonderful in theory, almost too good to be true. Here was a well off gentleman offering me something that in a previous mindset I had craved and begged for.
But then reality hit, I love being around E, and I just see no reason why a guy I just met should be able to tell me that I can no longer see him. Yes exes are bad, but there are also a lot of good sides as I wrote about in my previous post. But if that was not sign enough, I received the most flattering e-mail that I could have received at that particular moment. A dear person in my life called me his fantasy connection. No I will not go into any further detail about what that might means, or what it entails. Feel free to use your imagination but I doubt many of you will be even close. And that really is not the point, instead it was the power that this position I have found myself in really has upon my overall happiness. I have sole autonomy over my body, mind and spirit. I can do with myself as I would like, and although I used to dream of monogamy and all the comforts it provided, at the end of the day, I am free living as I do now. I am my own fantasy connection and that is how I find happiness and sheer bliss. The people I choose and the desires that fulfill me.