Every birthday I am reminded of the most important relationship that each of has, and that is the relationship with ourselves. For almost longer than I care to admit I did not like myself. Birthdays have always been that time of year where I could not seem to escape that realization, so I cried. I have cried on my birthday every year of my life, well up until quite recently. I remember my mom asking me year after year why I was crying and I always said that I did not know, to which she would just hug me and say that maybe I just needed a good cry and to join the party when I was ready. When I first heard the song “it’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to”, I was so excited to use that line with my mom on my next birthday. And sure enough on my 9th birthday I exclaimed those very lyrics through tears. I felt that it bothered my mom when I cried so I made great efforts to hide it.
I was very afraid of people wishing me happy birthday all throughout my childhood in fear that I would suddenly burst into tears. Soon I began to plan all my parties on a day other than the 28th, and to any one significant in my life I would ask that we just stayed home on that day and have a nice home cooked meal or something very low key. I know just writing this makes me sound a little crazy, I mean who in their right mind actually avoids people on their birthday because they are afraid of crying in public? Well I sure did, and I had no clue that I was doing this up until the birthday that I did not shed a tear. I remember waking up the day after in shock that I made it through that whole day without even a sniffle or painful eye burning sensation as the tears well up and you try not to blink a single one out.
It has only been a few years of tear free birthdays, but it is a real victory for me to be able to look back on the previous year and know that I am happy with myself, that I am happy with the decisions made in the previous year and that I can look in the mirror with a tear free smile. I look forward to many more years of the same mentality and I wish the same to all my readers.
And if any of you want to buy my that birthday treat why not get some of my behind the scenes NSFW pictures in return? Or some hot erotica short stories? Click here to do both!