With a bold new photo up and a few NSFW posts I decided I should probably write a post that was bit lighter in nature. So I am going to share with you all a few memorable moments from my past that have really shaped who I am today, for better or for worse. When I was a teenager I worked retail selling shoes, which in of itself is a resource for many many stories. But it was the women I worked with, who really played that key role in aiding the formation of my current open state of mind far from my youthful naive nature. From boob job inspections, to ladies trying on shoes without underwear in tight little white sundresses, I saw a lot. It really desensitized me, and lead to my now apparent lack of shock when new or strange situations present themselves. Perhaps that is why I write in such a matter of fact manor and can fail to recognize when a post I have written comes off as funny. Here are two such moments for your consideration and perhaps even some amusement.
It was closing time at the shoe store and one of my co-workers was being picked up by her boyfriend. This was my first time meeting him, so I introduced myself and then went about with my closing duties. I remember thinking how good looking he was, and I was a little embarrassed at how bright red I went when I shook his hand. The next day my co-worker laughingly told me that her boyfriend’s first impression of me was that “I was an in the closet dominatrix”. To say that I was speechless and confused was an understatement and I still have no idea what could have possibly given him that impression. This was the first of many bizarre first impressions that I have given off, and actually prompted me to start writing oddities like this down.
Next up, we have me trying to make an appointment for my cat Spaz. He had an infection and I needed to take him in to my vet for some antibiotics. I was not supposed to use the phone in my cubicle for personal calls at work, so I was trying to be very quiet and discreet on the phone. A lady answered the phone and I told her who I was and gave her my cat’s name. She mumbles something and I just barely heard the words “pearl necklace”. “What?” I whispered very sharply. “Do you have a pearl necklace” repeats the woman on the on the other end. “Excuse me!?” I demand getting a little too loud for my cubicle. “Are you wearing a pearl necklace?” she repeats. I am extremely agitated by this point and getting quite angry. Who the hell is asking me about something so inappropriate from my vet’s office? So I almost yell into the phone “I don’t know who the hell this is, but this is incredibly inappropriate to ask somebody! Who is this?.” The woman on the phone is now laughing her ass off and through fits of giggling gets out her name. All of a sudden all the pieces fall right into place.
When I worked at the aforementioned shoe store, one of my assistant managers was describing to me how messy sex was, during business hours of course. From the noises to the messy cleanup down your leg it was all very graphic and detailed. I was not very experienced in the sex at this point so she asked me knowingly if I ever got pearl necklaces. I looked blankly and she very matter of fact told me what those were and how much nicer the clean-up was afterwards. A few days later she grabbed a notebook and drew a cute stick girl with a real pearl necklace. To this day I still have that drawing in my desk. This former co-worker who years before had drawn me this picture was now working for my vet’s office and had been just waiting for the day when I called in. Oh and on a side note, it was interesting at best telling the girl who sat across from my cubicle this story in a edited for workplace manor why I started yelling on the phone.
I have so many more stories of a similar nature it was actually a little difficult to pick just these two to share. These random moments as I said have really shaped how I react to things, or more truthfully just turn red and watch in amazement at the randomness that is my life sometimes. A co-worked of mine told me recently that sometimes hearing my stories and the strange incidents that make up my life, he feels like my life is an episode of Peanuts. I guess deep down I understand what he is getting at, just shrug and laugh it off.