For any women out there who believe the monogamy is the gold standard of living and the ultimate goal to reach in any relationship, you may want to consider some of its documented history. During the 1830’s, in France, any woman who was found to have engaged in a sexual relationship with more than one man was considered a prostitute and could be imprisoned. Any woman who dated more than one man at once, was not yet married or even seen on the streets with a group of woman could be arrested for prostitution. Monogamy was the resulting ideal standard as the only way a woman could be ‘safe’ from the stigma of being a whore.
Now think of the real implications of that fun fact. If you truly believe that monogamy is the societal norm, and more to the point, the only way to live a moral lifestyle, know that it can be argued to have originated from religion and authoritarian males fear of woman. Further that it is an imposed norm that has been practiced for less than 200 years (France Specifically). Also, that the template of monogamy is for one gender and one gender only, females. Men have never faced the same legal ramifications for sleeping with more than one woman at a time. In fact, prior to the 1950’s it was acceptable for a man to have his wife at home, and a mistress or two on the side, while socially engaging in the company of prostitutes. Ironically prior to the 1800’s, woman in power were documented to enjoy the same luxuries, having a husband, and then a few male consorts on the side. It is always amazing what a difference a mere 200 years can bring to our views and acceptable norms of behaviour.
Monogamy is relatively new in our historical evolution, and based on the current figures, 70 percent of men admit to cheating, and an equally surprising 60 percent of women admit the same. I do not agree cheating is ever the answer, but if monogamy is natural for woman why are both sexes breaking their commitments in such high numbers? Monogamy was created as a way for men to control women, it was not a natural concept researched to be better for child rearing and happier lives as we have been lead to believe. Can you imagine living in a time where having sex with more than one man ran the risk of being imprisoned and labelled a whore? Oh wait, this still happens. And the most astounding point of all of this, is that this myth of monogamy being the gold standard worked so well, that woman are today’s main proponents of it. Woman, are the ones who seek monogamy, who cling to the idea of till death do you part, and one man for every woman. We have been falling for this notion, hook line and sinker for more than 200 years. We are stigmatized by the fear of living life as a slut, and what’s more, for some strange reason very few of us recognize that there is an actual fight to be had.
I doubt that this post is going to sway anyone from believing in monogamy. Instead, just know it historically has been used as a very real means of keeping woman in the control of men. That it is a relationship norm that is still in infancy, and right now there is no evidence that it works, or is better suited to raise a family or live out a healthy lifestyle. Rather we have centuries of evidence to the contrary, real documented proof that this is not the lifestyle that allowed humanity to strive, flourish and at the base level even survive. Monogamy has changed how woman today view relationships, whereas men have forgotten why they put this structure in place just a few decades ago as it worked so well. Women were forced into monogamy, but now it appears we force it on men, and it does not seem to actually make anyone happy. Maybe I am just being cynical, but I rely on evidence and science whenever possible, faith in this social norm seems misguided and the evidence points to it being against our natural tendencies. Is it monogamy that actually makes men and women happy? Perhaps it is time to stop forcing this requirement on our partners for whatever reason we deem fit, and focus on more important things, like real and true happiness.