No Touchies: Our First Swing Club Part I

Every couple has boundaries in their relationship.  E and I are constantly trying to explore and find new turn ons while re-evaluating where our limits are as a couple.  While trying to seek a couple to meet while traveling last year we were introduced to the idea of going to a swing club.  While meeting the couple or hitting the club fell through at the time, we made a solid effort to change that during our last visit to LA.  With nervous excitement we finalized our research and booked a night to go.  We spent hours talking about our boundaries, our expectations, protocols and a few fantasies that we had for the experience.  When the hour drew near to start the drive over, the nerves hit hard.  Questions kept creeping up, “what if we don’t have fun?” and “what if we don’t find anyone attractive?” A twinge of intimidation even crept in a we began wondering what the hell two Canadians who had never swung before would feel or do in the largest club in California.  So let me begin the tale with the first contact I made with the club.

In order to attend this particular swing club, a phone call was required, as the address is not listed on the website, preventing walk ins and to protect people’s privacy as much as possible.  I made the call, as E wisely thought we would have an easier time with the interview process if I called instead of him.  He was right of course, and a brief conversation later we had the address.  It was really happening!  And so were the nerves.  Now I am not sure how other couples handle nerves, but E and I have been through some pretty intense situations together whereby both our nerves flair up.  Be it with skydiving, family situations or relationship nerves we have learned to read and react to each other within our own nervousness.  We know when to make the other person laugh, distract or even to cross the line and point out that they are overreacting.  And as we drove towards the club in the dark, this understanding of the nervous dynamic shone through.

So when we drove up, and there were only a few lights on a fence in the middle of nowhere E was able to sense my tension and run with it.  It was dark and I became fixated on the fact that there were no signs or indication that we were in the right place other than the GPS arrow pointing the way.  We knew we arrived early, however seeing a near empty parking lot did little to calm the nerves.  That walk up the driveway seemed like forever.  I was shivering in my dress, and clutching E`s hand as we made nervous chit chat towards this large white building that had sections added to all sides like some poorly thought out school house that grew too big for its original purpose.  Finally a sign, literally, we were in the right place and relief waved over.  In we walked. 

Just like any business you walk up to the front desk, fill out a waiver and pay your money.  It was after all a business where small talk was made and in those moments I realized this was the first time I had relaxed in well over an hour.  A man who looked more like a bouncer was radioed over to give us a tour of the facility and off we went into the darkness of the club.  They did their best to make the tour seem normal.  And here we were nodding our heads as we walked from room to room like this was an everyday thing.  “Over here is the bar”, “and over here is the main play area”, “while over here is the sex chair” and on and on.  Just a perfectly normal tour in a darkly lit building designed for pleasure of the carnal kind.   

I remember walking through the main play area and feeling beyond overwhelmed by this massive two level mattress jungle.  And then a little calmness as we reached the chained off area and were shown the couples only play centre.  It was more private, a little smaller but still sex geared and I remember being amazed by all the mirrors!  It was two levels with small cubbies on the bottom, facing a wall of mirrors and a large play area along the top.  A great big adult bunk bed basically.  I remember wondering what this place looked like with people having sex, (as we had arrived during the pre sex, and or mingle hour) and how I would actually react to it all, but no time to contemplate that as the tour continued.  We were shown the couple bathroom and the woman’s only bathroom which seemed natural and normal in that setting.  Lastly we were taken to a large room with a long bar and a dance floor.  Finally we had a glimpse of other couples, well just people in general.  A few rules were stressed, couples in and couples out, singles are restricted to certain rooms and no means no.  This was a drug free facility, and BYOB, as the focus was on sex and sex alone.  And with that we that we were left on our own to sort out where to go from here. 

Logically we sat down and had a beer.  We looked around and realized quite quickly that we were the hottest and youngest couple there.  I had figured being in LA we would have a much better chance of being surrounded by hotties, and well, porn let me down.  Speaking of porn, there were flat screen TV’s in each of the mingle rooms and that was the first sex that we saw.  There was a different porn video on every single TV, something for everyone’s tastes, well if you like lower budget. 

The owner of the nudist resort down the street came over and introduced himself.  He then excitedly told us that one of the higher caliber scenes we were watching was filmed in this very club.  He was so proud of his cameo in it too.  The whole conversation just felt surreal, as we talked sex and drank our beers.   But at the same time oddly sweet and endearing.  We chatted for a bit and he gave us a little rundown of the facility and made some introductions of fellow regulars and staff.  We were told that the night before, being New Years Eve, they had a party with over 270 couples.  Tonight the turnout was looking to be about 30 couples, a much less intimidating number for these little newbies. 

We decided to do a little wandering around on our own, in hopes of finding some attractive people hidden away somewhere.  We began by heading over to one of the socializing rooms with a pool table.  Here we met two couples who were just so normal to chat to.  Very openly talking about their experiences swinging and getting outted as swingers in normal society.  It was just neat to be a fly on the wall and see how people handle this lifestyle in the real world.  How it can affect their jobs, etc.  Unfortunately neither of these two couples really got us physically excited so we went back to the bar for another beer.  

It was here that we learned a term that would change the experience for us completely.  A guy came over to chat with us, saying that his wife comes with him a few times a month, but he is here every Thursday with or without her being the only day of the week that single men are allowed in.  He loves the environment and asked if we had seen the infinity room yet.  It was room that was covered in mirrors on all sides with a few slots for people to watch.  Mainly though, the couple inside could see every single sexy angle from in that room with the infinity effect.  He told us that this was the room most frequented by “no touchies”.

The term “no touchies” was new to the both of us and does not seem to be widely known outside of the swinging community.  We were told that swingers coined this term for that really hot or full of themselves couple in the club, who feel that they are too good for anyone else and just want to fuck in public and have everyone ogle them.  More specifically they are the dream LA couple depicted with the big fake boobs, tanned body and a hint of arrogance.  E and I smiled upon learning this, we had found a name for the role we take in our first swinging adventure.  We would be the pseudo “no touchies” that night, well without the fake boobs or arrogance… our adventure was now really about to begin.  We had found our niche for the night, within our level of comfort and headed back towards the play rooms.

3 thoughts on “No Touchies: Our First Swing Club Part I”

  1. Just curious, have you ever seen the show on the playboy channel called "swing". It's about couples who want to try the swing life and get to go to a private swing mansion for the weekend. Some couples open up and enjoy it and some end up getting scared or shy and not really going through with it. My wife and I used to watch it, and toy with the idea of someday trying it, but talking about it is much different than doing it. It's good to hear an actual first time experience from someone who I know to be a real person. I hope to see more blogs on this experience or more to come.

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