In trying to bring the three faces of myself into one all encompassing kick ass being, I can see distinctions and traits that stand out as separate entities and need unity. The one that has needed extra attention for quite sometime is the face of me that is still tied firmly in my past. As I said in my last post, I have friendships that are maintained with rose coloured glasses. Maybe a few of you have felt this, a friendship that you have had for so long, that as you grow and change through life, the rational for being friends is replaced by time, which I will call history. You just have so much history together, that you don’t even think to analyze the friendship or see of it is really is worth keeping. You accept that person through and through, and just stop trying to better each other. The comfort is there, the time spent, and you could just as easily accept that you will be friends for life. Or you could react, challenge each other and re-ignite the reason for being friends in the first place.
If this were a marriage it would be headed for divorce or counseling. But being a friendship, it seems different. It seems to want to fall into the category of unconditional love. And yet, if nothing is being gained and in fact is starting to play a detriment to one’s life, then why keep it? Just because it is comfortable, does not mean it is a good thing. A comfortable career is boring, the same holds true with a marriage, and with trying to bring symmetry to my personalities the same must hold true for friendships.
I have grown lazy in my friendships. Pretending that they did not need work, and that I was comfortable having people in my life who remind me of who I used to be. I want more. I want friends who want to hang out with the person who is working to master all three faces of herself. Who want to laugh, drink, do silly things, and not accept any mediocrity. This is who I am at work, with my colleagues and customers. I challenge all my staff, along side myself to push through, think outside the box, and better themselves. I am good at cheerleading when it comes to work. I have been lousy when it comes to friendships. And I think the common denominator is my lack of assertiveness. I am not assertive with my friends. I have wanted simplicity and a nice glass of wine. Playing nice has left me with nice friends. I want better, and I want to be a better friend. I have broken all rose coloured glasses with my family, and colleagues, and now it is time to do the same with my friendships. One amazing person for all aspects of my life.