From My First Glimpse of a Penis, to the Incorporation of VR
“Can I f*&% you while I watch VR porn?” Of course I said yes, and you may be thinking that I am the coolest chick ever, but hot damn it took me a long time to get to this place. Looking back on my interactions with porn, I find I have this OK, ok, ok, then sudden, STOP! Porn for me is right on the cusp of my emotional control, or lack there of in most situations. Are you ready for story time, and how VR has impacted my sex positive life?
My very first experience with porn started innocently enough, I was simply looking for a picture of a penis. I was 14, had just seen my first one on TV and I was super curious. So I googled “penis”. Now, you have to understand that this was 20 or so years ago, and Google was not so refined. If you wanted to search a topic, you didn’t have the tab for image search. You actually had to land on a webpage that had pictures and go from there. After looking at a few, and realizing that there was a lot of diversity beyond the sideview I had seen in sex ed class, I needed to figure out a way to see one that stirred more than just a passing intrigue. As luck would have it, I found a site that promised to e-mail you one penis pictures every day. This blew my mind, and would be my teenage dirty little secret for many years to come. So I created an “untraceable” e-mail account through Hotmail, and signed myself up under a fake name.
The next morning, true to the ads claims, I received my first erect penis. Are you ready for the love hate part? Well, this seemed exciting at first, because I felt rebellious, and a little dirty. But the truth was, more often than not, I wouldn’t enjoy seeing the naked dicks. In fact a few made me feel a little squicky. So, rather than allow my morning to be ruined, I would stockpile the images for a few weeks at a time in hopes that I would have a better chance of finding one that I liked. The idea was, with a bunch on hand, I could have a little personal playtime. I would bring my vibrating toy up to the computer room (20 years ago remember?) when no one was home and I would peruse these pictures. If I am honest, I got off as a result of the vibrations, and the fear of getting caught far more often then the dick pictures I was looking at.
And then something changed, I saw an image with two penis’. I clicked on it, and it turns out that is was a signup for gay porn! I was instantly intrigued and terrified. I remember clicking, seeing waaaaaay too much graphic nudity for my young mind, and shutting everything down. NOOOOOPE! That was an eyeful. I didn’t know what any of that meant, or was, or could even process what had just happened. I was in catholic school, just learning about sex ed, and here I had just witnessed hardcore porn far before what I was prepared for.
I closed that chapter of my life with a hard bang. I didn’t use any visual stimulation to get off until I was in a committed relationship, which was 4 or so years later. Imagine being so terrified that I actually avoided anything porn or nudity related for 4 years? This was a pattern that would continue off and on with VHS, DVD’s, internet porn, and even my post about just going into sex stores. Watching porn, and getting off on it did not come naturally to me. Even now, I get off more by my own fantasies over that of what others have created either visually or with their words. But hot damn, when my partner says to me, bend over. And then devilishly, asks me if I would be OK with him watching VR while f*&%ing me, I cannot help but grin and grab the lube. The best of all worlds come together in that moment, he lost in the visual and audio stimulation, and me, with eyes closed feeling the 4D of all my dirty little fantasies that I am finally starting to put onto paper. So far, VR is a welcome addition to my sex life…
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