If you read my post about the nice guy, you will get a glimpse into why I run very far away from any guy who claims to be one of the nice ones. So if guys who claim to be nice, really aren’t, why is it that I constantly see people give the advice that it is better to just be nice? The honest truth is the day I broke away from striving to just being a nice person, my life started to improve. Why? Because nice is boring. Nice, is plain, and is just not an authentic state of being. Nice, is façade.
By not being nice, I have maintained my position of having clear, calm, and level headed responses in my day to day life. I am not striving to just placate the masses, instead I am living my authentic self. Kill the world with kindness we shout from the rafters… Well no! I don’t want to kill anyone. I don’t want to live striving to rise up to an impossible ideal. Who do you know in history who is remembered for just being nice? And no, that statement is not made because I am trying to become famous. We shouldn’t live trying to all make a mark on the world, but it should give you pause, what are we hoping to achieve as a society by being nice?
I don’t want anything to do with a nice guy, and in turn, I don’t want to just be a nice person myself. I am comfortable being assertive, driven, and someone with goals and aspirations. I know, I will not crush anyone to get what I want, but I also won’t sacrifice my desires just to please someone else. I, have had many relationships whereby I tried to just please the other person, especially work relationships. Always trying to be the do-gooder, striving to get ahead by always being the person that could be counted on, sacrificing my own time, mental health, and energy for someone eles’ dream or business. You know where that left me? Drained, isolated, and oddly guilty.
Saying no, should not affect how people perceive you. It should not make you bitch, or an asshole. And yet, we constantly tell people that they should be nice. Just play along, don’t make a fuss, or go with the flow. Well, quite frankly that is bullshit. And in non-monogamy, some of my worst moments are from me just being nice and letting things happen.
So, after ranting for a few paragraphs, let me get to the crux of this. I am supremely nervous, talking to women, and showing my assertive nature. I will not play nice, or pretend to be all sweet, and kind, just to get a female to talk to me. I won’t say what they want to hear, nor will I just placate them. With all that being said, I will be my funny, engaging, and optimistic self. I am good natured, easy going, and I like being around me, so there is that… haha! And yes, I will share with you all how this works out for me. I am fairly confident though, that I will not meet anyone of quality and substance by taking the cliché advice of just being nice.
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