On March 30th 2020, I wrote Put Non-Monogamy on Hold, and yes, I did say please for any of you who missed it. We are nearly 2 months to the day from that plea, and as you are all probably aware there just seems to be no end in sight of this uncertainty. Sadly, this is an emotion that I have been living with for far longer than this pandemic due to some douche-nozzle in my past, which I only bring up, because after 4 years of dealing with pending doom lurking over my every move, I have some experience with what we are likely feeling today. And that is why, we need a new outlook for non-monogamy.
When this pandemic started, the amazing non-monogamous community rallied on my Twitter feed, giving hope and promise a pot of gold at the end of isolation. We all spoke about the crazy, wild party that would happen when all of this was over, and things would go back to normal. A few of us made plans to meet up, and sent our well meaning wishes throughout this global community, inspiring a feeling of “this is only temporary”, and “small pains for big gains”. I for one, was eagerly awaiting that drunken beer fest that I was sure would occur on a date in the very near future. And I made the decision to not partake in any virtual parties, with the hope that it wouldn’t be necessary to meet people that way, but… I may have been optimistic.
I don’t want you to stop reading thinking that this post is going to be a doom and gloom explanation of my vision for our new dystopian future. That is not where I am heading with this. Instead, I am offering something different, incremental hope rather than the biggest orgie we have ever seen. As it turns out, the bubble burst without us even knowing it, and quite frankly, it will never look the same again. Non-monogamy and large gatherings will be fractured, for at least a generation. There is no longer an all-encompassing goal, where we all put our differences aside, and come together (pun intended).
Instead, we must celebrate and embrace smaller interactions. More intimate settings, and learn to talk not only about safe sex, but also about safe social interactions. And yes, this will have to happen long after a vaccine is discovered. Why? Because there are people who are elderly, immune compromised, and youth with whom we globally have to protect. And unfortunately there are anti-vaccers, and an alarming amount of people who see this as no different than a flu, and are actively working to ensure this sticks around for a hell of a lot longer than it needs to. As a result, we are stuck in this new reality. Our lives must change. There is no going back to normal, and thinking that will leave you disappointed at the very least.
And I don’t want to be the one to let you down. instead, I want to inspire hope, and share my vision of our non-monogamous community that becomes stronger, safer, and…. Sexier! Very slowly, I believe small pairings and sexy gatherings will start popping up. These intimate settings will be vetted, and I hope will include not only condoms, and lube, but also a general health check. Which, if I am being honest, I wish had always been happening. No one wants to spend the last day of a sexy weekend battling a cold, flu, or something worse instead of basking in that orgasmic afterglow. And let us be completely honest, if you are keeping your lifestyle activities on the down low, it is going to be tough to explain that you need to isolate for 14 days after what was supposed to be just a weekend in the mountains secluded with your wife, because someone was positive for COVID-19.
So club owners, app designers, and anyone who wants to host a sexy gathering, keep it simple, and mandate a health check along with a recommendation for safe sex or STI/STD verification. Protect the community, not only yourselves. It’s a subtle shift, but I think one that we are better equipped for than the vanilla community. We have an opportunity to lead by example and set the new normal, while having an incredibly sexy time in the process. In short, let us all work towards small bubbles. More intimate settings with heightened screening and health checks, along with following the guidelines of your particular location (2 meters apart, masks, or using an app for location verification). If we do this, we can slowly embrace the new non-monogamy and the exploration I know I so desperately miss in a safer way.
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