I’d be a fool to pretend that I knew what the future held for me relationship wise. If relationships were one sided, and a person could just choose who they wanted, plead their case, and either receive a yes or a no that would be one thing. But… life, relationships, and love are complex beasts. The good news is that I will never run out of things to research, explore, or write about. The bad news however is the emotional rollercoaster that I get to feel in my personal life. And if you caught my last post, right now I am being led by my very own heart for the first time that I can remember. While it is terrifying, there is something incredibly rewarding of being able to just feel with my whole heart. And being open for a relationship.
In conjunction, my recent piece for Medium explores the idea of validating emotions. And when writing that, something pretty unique popped into my head, well unique for me, and that is the role of dating apps in my life. With my heart in control of finding me a relationship worthy of my whole heart, there is a possibility that I will be able to delete all my online dating apps. Whoa you might be saying! Am I admitting to no longer wanting to explore non-monogamy? Well, here’s the thing, I want to explore first a healthy, loving, supportive, two person driving relationship. Does that make sense?(affiliate link)
Whatever two people decide should be a mutual effort. And with that, I strongly advocate for developing a rock solid foundation. That, in my personal experience is best achieved by removing all the extra noise and distractions. Thus, being able to delete everything and just focus on two people. It’s an exciting prospect. I’ve always said that if I had kids (which to be clear is not what I am doing right now), anything outside of monogamy would be off the table for a bit. So, the idea of deleting apps one day was always real to me, but the why of course was a curveball I didn’t anticipate. Oh life… you’re so full of surprises, aren’t you?
I’m not jumping the gun and rushing into a lifelong relationship here, but I am going to take a little break from looking for a while. There is a man I am smitten for, and we both need time and space to see if this is a fit. Life gets in the way, and we both have some hurdles to overcome before we give each other a real go. That being said, there is hope here. Hope, I haven’t felt this strongly… well… ever? To have a person who just brings you joy, exclusively is something I wasn’t sure existed. And maybe I will find out it doesn’t. That being said, I am open to being proved wrong.
It’s September and that means it is my birthday month! So feel free to buy me a beer via my Patreon!