Getting my shit together has been hard work. And in the last year of my life, I pushed through some really difficult things, including budgeting, accepting singledom (and the fact that this time around ghosting is everywhere), and basically forcing myself into a new writing routine. With all that said, my 38th year, I am dubbing the year of the flamingo. Which I love because it is the most unique, awkward, and interesting creature, thus my spirit animal. Embracing my inner flamingo has been an experience, and while I am not claiming to be an expert on this majestic bird, I do share a lot of traits with it. Or maybe I don’t, and just love the look of them. Either way, it’s fine.
As a very young child, I remember spending hours standing in my grandmother’s kitchen posing like a flamingo. I have no idea where this behavior came from, or for how many years I would do this. What I do know is that the memory makes me smile, recalling me in my youth, just balancing in a way that made me happy. Zero flocks given! Haha.(affiliate link)
Now, more than ever, I need that mentality to run through me. I have written a few posts, some shared, some not published yet about embracing that I feel better with a partner. With a man in my life, I can take over the world, but alone, I only feel this about half the time, or sometimes less. Sure, I get confident bursts and moments, but then I get lonely and recall that I am missing intimacy. The thoughts of inadequacy, or being too overwhelming for certain people, or that nagging voice that says I expect too much. There we go, that brings on the tears. I don’t want to be that intimidating person. Instead, I want to be warm and fuzzy, and yet… I am that flamingo. Standing alone, in a group of thousands. That’s me. Bold, pink, and largely mysterious.
I want to be less mysterious to a few souls this 38th year of life, but, who knows what the world actually has in store for me. While embracing my own emotions has been rewarding, and calling emotions valid has helped, I do truly want partnership. I hope though that love will appear a few times this year, and maybe not end in heartache? Perhaps? Maybe… pretty please universe?