AKA – Road Trip Reset

So, if you’re reading this, you have probably figured out that, yes, I in fact survived my solo road trip!  Woo hoo.  And, I am happy to report, it was wonderful, empowering, and all the things I needed it to be.  I slept alone in my car, I took lots of walks in nature with my dog, even more photos, and I drank some really great beer.  But something more important happened on this trip, I allowed myself a mental break from thinking about the men who are, just not quite in my life. And this was exactly what I needed to do, a road trip reset.

This trip was only about me being in nature, writing, and just driving on the open road.  At home, I have been feeling a strange pressure to find a man, settle down, and there is some sort of guilt in the fact that it is taking me so long to get the man I want.  But out there, in the mountains, I reset. It was a hard reset, and it freed my mind.  As an added bonus, I got my solo power back.  I accomplished the goal that took me two seasons to achieve, and that was this very road trip. I don’t like being held back by fear, or told that I cannot do something.  Two nights sleeping in the woods alone, proved to myself that I could in fact do all the things I want to.

I rebuilt trust in myself to make good decisions, and have some adventures.  It was a win that I dearly needed.  And before anyone asks, there were absolutely zero temptations to meet up with anyone.  I actually enjoyed my own company, and for the first time probably this year, I didn’t feel lonely. I was in total control, and it was empowering.

I have tried the mantra of “enjoy the happy ride”, or just to go with the flow.  But ultimately, that is just not me.  I want what I want, and I am willing to try a number of different ways in order to achieve that goal.  I am responsible for my own happiness, and cannot let the empathic side of me overshadow what I want to accomplish.  To deny myself autonomy and the ability to fight for what I want, is to ignore who I am.  And for what? To hope someone else will care about my wants or needs?  F that!  Doing that, has brought me no joy.  I would rather a firm door slammed in my face, than continue to tread lightly. And by that I mean, just being me, with a take it or leave it attitude.  I love being silly, letting my hair down, and being playful. But, I have been lost in the idea that I have to first prove my accomplishments and earn my place through, oh frick I don’t know what I was thinking.  I was just scared of not being valued for who I am, and like I said, this road trip was the hard reset I needed.

So, with that, expect an update on my book, some more sexy photo shoots, and an update on a project that I am working on!  And of course, I will keep you updated on my love life, because, aren’t relationships and breaking away from the norm what this blog is all about?