So, let me continue with my exploration of aftershocks and energy. In my last piece I aimed to better describe what I was feeling when in comes to my world of aftershocks. Thankfully, it resonated with a person I was failing to describe it in words to, so yay me! And now, if you will indulge me for a moment to take it a step forward, and discuss what happens after the aftershocks: the formation of my energy cycle.
In the past, I have been with men who sucked the energy out of me. Thus, my role was an exhausting endeavour to find new sources of energy for myself, so then I can give it to my loved ones. Obviously this, is not sustainable, especially long term. It works for a while because I love feeling needed and wanted, but if for whatever reason that wains (which of course it would), well… it’s a disaster. Now, as much I try to be aware of this negative energy cycle, I must admit that I am attracted to this feeling of being wanted, and thus, it is difficult for me to actually break. That being said, I think, I may have just found the thing that may once and for all break my determination to fall headfirst into this pattern, and that is in finding someone who creates an energy flow with me.
I’ve felt snippets in the past, but if I am completely honest, they result from sexual energy alone. If we are having sex with the frequency of rabbits, then it works well. But, relationships, and life always seem to get in the way of that being sustainable. So imagine me being completely unprepared for what I have been experiencing over the past little while. And that my friends is feeling re-filled by a person, and if I am reading things right, him feeling the same. It’s like we complete each other?
I don’t know if I am getting ahead of myself, and describing something that is more NRE (new relationship energy) rather than something far more. But this does have all the telltale signals that it’s more than just the new. We have been friends for many years. We can talk about pretty much anything and everything. We enjoy each other’s company. We both think the world of each other, and can clearly express that. Oh and the sex is amazing. We have an intimate chemistry that just seems to work on a level beyond words or direction. That being said, when direction is given it is understood and taken to the absolute next level with enthusiastic gusto.
Ooph! I’m a puddle just thinking about that. Anyways, back on track. Wait… was there a track? Or is this it. Finding an energy loop that works for two people? With little bolts of aftershocks to fuel you for the moments you are apart? Is this what people are looking for? Or the lucky ones having already found? If this is the relationship secret, then, I am all aboard. Of course, nothing is perfect, or without problems. For us, it will be time and space. Oh, and being very different people, who are inherently stubborn fools. But… there is something here worth exploring. Worth every single fantasy. And absolutely worth the effort on both our parts.
If I am jumping the gun, and putting this out into the world prematurely, then so be it. I am feeling these intense feelings right now, and they are valid. Right or wrong, or even if they are felt as strongly by the other side really doesn’t change my excitement, or feeling of sheer bliss right now. And with that, I have started an energy cycle that I hope remains my norm for years to come. Breaking away from being the relationship battery if you will.
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