Last summer, I had this strange premonition that I would be with someone that I already knew. It was honestly one of those moments that just shook me to my core. I don’t get these feelings very often, but, when I do, I try my best to listen. Part of the reason this moment seemed to make sense to me, is due to me really wanting to meet someone that I was friends with first. There is just something about having that friendship as a foundation that has made sense to me for a long time. And my last two serious relationships did not have that as a start, so I figured trying something new wouldn’t hurt, hence organically finding that person.
The thing about that was now, I had to figure out this puzzle of my own design; who was this mystery person? Did this person actually exists or was my gut instinct just playing games? Well, if you’ve been reading my saga over the past few years, my life has been a flourish of heartbreak, ghosting, soul searching, and just finally becoming comfortable living solo. I have honestly built up the strongest friendship circle of my life, with simply solid individuals that I adore. There is no person that I wouldn’t feel comfortable introducing to anyone else, even with all of our differences, which is a pretty big achievement.
With that being said, I also took a bit of a leap of faith in the late spring and shut down every single online dating site I was a part of. I figured that my best shot at finding a person to click with, was via the organic route. As luck would have it, I ended up making some, shall we call it missed connections? People from my past that timing wasn’t quite right, and on and on. Trial and mostly error! Haha! Any who, nothing was quite ticking all the boxes. If the sex was good, they simply weren’t all in. Or if the physical was OK, the conversation was outstanding, so I tried a little too hard to keep that going, and well I could go on and on (truthfully the list makes it sound like there were far more connections than there were, and nothing could be farther from the truth as this is a summary of what has spanned a few years). This didn’t really deter me, because with so much time spent dating on the non-monogamous side of things, I was aware of the distinct possibility that it would take a few men to really complete me. So I forged ahead.
Slowly, though, I had been taking the time to really journal and be honest with myself. I am a better and stronger person in a relationship. I really flourish in a partnership. And that is nothing to beat myself up over, or to feel this strange weakness about. I like being there for someone, and having them there for me. Of course, I am emotionally strong and conditioned to pretty much handle everything that gets thrown my way, but I want someone to cuddle, to be vulnerable with, and all that jazz. Yes, these are real moments I put down on paper. Identifying who I am/was/will be.Bored? Why not take a survey and earn real prizes? (affiliate)
I have put myself out there, emotionally, a lot! I cannot understate how many times I have just gone for something, only to have the door slammed in my face, or simply disappear. The surprising thing to me, is that instead of this hardening me, it’s actually given me a bit of confidence to keep being authentic and vulnerable. Why? The simple fact is I like being that person. Yes, I am not a person to be messed with, and I take very very little shit. But, that’s not anything I need to work on or improve. That is a large part of who I am. But I like being able to share the sensitive side of me, without having to explain how tough I am as a check and balance.
Anyways, maybe you can relate to where I am coming from right now, or perhaps you felt something similar when those stars just aligned for you in meeting your spouse, or your bestie of besties, or really a person that just fits you. I see the universe spiralling someone closer and closer to me, and to say I am excited would be an understatement. And this has been completely organic, and someone that I have known for a while, and have been creating a pretty solid friendship with. Let us see where this chapter leads shall we?