Category: Blogging

Blogging… Oh to blog in 2025

    K Ghislaine

When I started the year, I felt I needed inspiration and to take the focus off of everything that I felt was going wrong with my body. So, I embarked on a personal writing challenge, with prompts from I’m Still Writing. It did exactly what I hoped it would. It got me writing again, which I desperately needed after the completion of my first book, and the complete disappointment that I felt with not getting what I wanted. That sentence sounds childish and selfish. I know, but it’s the truth. I put so much effort and mental focus on having a baby, publishing my first book, and well, I’m hard on myself and set lofty goals. And I’m even harder when it comes to things that I can’t control, so thanks for nothing 2025.

The other thing that I grappled with, is that the sex life of a monogamous and happy person, just doesn’t seem interesting to write about. My boyfriend really wants me to strike it rich with the creation of my own harlequin romance novel, with him as the dashing hero. So, obviously I have his loving support to write about our sex lives. But, we were having sex, sometimes on timed days to coincide with the pills I took for a few months to try and encourage pregnancy. Yes, these are stories that have value, but writing about failure, just bummed me out.

I keep writing this sentiment about getting back to basics, and just blogging because I love it. And well, after a year of identity conflicts, I’m still here. My 30 day sex positive challenge turned out to be the real fuel that I needed because a few of you embraced it, and connected. So, I guess with blogs going out of fashion, OK, that’s been happening for years and years, but it’s the connection that I need. Twitter helped me explore so much diversity over the years. I lament the loss of that social media hub. I miss the sex positive community that I was a part of there. And thus, writing over much of the past year has felt, emptier and much more quiet.

I have cried more than a few times on the shoulder of my love, how I just need a win. And I’m coming to terms with it not being a win per se, but more, connection with a community. I don’t know where to find that right now. The non-monogamous sex positive people really came to mean a lot to me. And I simply haven’t found anything even close to that in my transition phase. But, here I am, putting myself out there, doing what I do, which is be vulnerable and honest. I am looking for my community. I am seeking that rush of ideas, and sharing of information. While I’m looking, primarily on Bluesky, I understand deeply that what I had, will probably never happen again. So, with eyes wide open, I’m looking.

Oh, and I should probably let you all know, that I am writing again. Not just blogging, and my articles on Medium. But… a project… book number 2. The likelihood of a memoir styled book being my first to be published I knew was a long shot. This next one, is filled with research and honestly has been really fun to plot and plan (With the subject matter being sex and dating??? Of course I am having fun). So, here we go, writing the next one! Always pushing forward, even after a long 2025, with sadly none of my big dreams coming true. Oh well, all I can do is keep dreaming, writing, and trying!

Want to buy me a coffee or a beer, please check out my Patreon page. Or, just comment wherever you found this post! It really does mean the world to me!

Week 20 & 21: Give and Take, and Freedom

    K Ghislaine

With a little hiatus from writing due to navigating all that life is throwing my way, I resume my writer’s challenge with a “just do it” attitude. Normally, I read the challenges and ponder for a bit. Today, I have read them and what you are reading is my natural flow of consciousness, for better or for worse. Oddly, that is in tune with the second part of the writing prompt called Freedom, brought forward by George Elliot. She writes about changing your form, your voice, and most importantly, letting the words take on “any form”.

While she really is focusing on diversity of voices in a more fictionalized setting, I am utilizing this more free-form style to remind myself that my blog is my own stream of consciousness, and it is only me who forces this mandate of importance. I am the one that sets my guidelines. And well, sometimes it’s better to just simply write, let it all, than to adhere to my arbitrary rules. Enter in Jean Rhys and this idea of “feeding the lake”. An admittedly overwhelming idea, being that her intent is that no matter how great or small your contribution, any and all forms of writing are feeding the lake. And that no matter what, this is what, we as writers should do.

This notion scares me, rather than motivates. But here I am, feeding into this idea, just doing it, although I feel drained and empty. But I recognize that these are things I have done to myself. I have allowed things to creep in, and give me excuses not to just write.

For anyone who has been a long time reader, you’ll notice that I used to write to sort out problems, of the primarily non-monogamous variety. I wrote mini-essays whereby I would have a question and then I would sort it out within a few paragraphs. Sometimes, I would share sexy stories or situations too, as a way of free-form writing or blogging diary type words. Why is this part of my current stream of consciousness that I am including in this? Because, my life is so vastly different from where this blog started. My daily adventures aren’t forced situations that I have to wrack my brain around to forge a path. My problems solving is different now. My writing need, is one of acceptance and healing, rather than an “in the moment” must deal with urgency.

That’s not to say that life has slowed down, but the pressure to make a relationship work no matter what is gone. And in that, the need to write things down as quickly as possible is also gone. That leaves me feeling almost lazy in my creative endeavours. My sense of urgency doesn’t exist in the way it did a decade ago. Huh!?! Now that is a realization I did not see coming.

As I sit here, wondering what I am going to do with that little revelation, I want to express my sincere thank you to anyone who has shared this journey. And for those, missing the old sexy content, well there is always my Patreon. And… I have have just received a new toy in the mail (affiliate link of my new arrival)!!! So, a little something something once I test it all out will be coming soon. No matter how far away I sometimes feel from my past, the universe reminds that I am who I am, and I am grateful that it welcomes me back whenever I lose my way.

Week 16 & 17: Rhythm and Objects

    K Ghislaine

As I aim to get back on track with my self writing challenge, I’ve noticed just how much I have pushed myself this past little while. If you’ve read my blog over the past year, you know I have been trying to get pregnant, and so far, there have been very few signs of success or even in doing anything right. I think that there must be a lesson hidden somewhere, probably plain as day to an outsider, but currently still fuzzy to me. The challenge to use rhythm and the focus of objects to write, becomes an interesting task.

Over the past few months, maybe even a year if I look back into my journal, I have really tried to visualize myself as a mother, and in doing so, I have shifted my belief system into one where this is the most important target. With that comes stress, and a sense of deep failure for being unable to produce. To the point of writing with rhythm and poetry though is that normally when I feel those really big feelings, I switch to writing poetry. That alone, that rhythmic voice seems somehow better equipped to bring out my inner most thoughts, maybe even in a gentler way, which is why it works. Words pour out of me, with an almost melodic flow, that feel trance-like. And the tears are then able to flow even faster.

I was shocked to look back upon my book of poetry and discover that I have yet to write anything poetic about my struggles. And I don’t fully understand why. So then, to dig deeper, and incorporate week 17, there is this idea of writing with an object, or a specific focus, that paints things in such a descriptive way that the reader can almost hold it in their hands. And to that end I recently shared with my grandfather just such a piece of writing. It was a piece I wrote years ago, forged from a childhood memory of his old GMC truck. The power of letting him read this nostalgia was, well, powerful. And I wonder, to myself, if I need to incorporate some sort of object, or give focus to my current barren situation so I am better versed at exploring this point in my life. And suddenly, I am uncomfortable.

Have I been keeping myself so busy in an effort to avoid digging? Or, have I simply exhausted how deep I can go within myself, and finally need to just relax and let my cards play out. Obviously, for me it’s the latter, but I say obvious with a sense of irony. It should have been clear, and yet, I have told myself for so long that digging as deep as I can is what produces the best work. And well, it turns out I need a break from striving to be the best I can. Perhaps, just maybe, I’m Ok as I am. Maybe it’s time to just enjoy where I am at, to take a moment to just sit and read in the sunshine, without purpose or intent. While the tools for writing in these last two challenges are fabulous, I think, I might just crack a beer (see what that looks like on my Patreon), and keep them in mind for a project a little later down the road…

Week 7 & 8: Editing and Music

    K Ghislaine

Well, last week I gave myself my first pass, for writing consistency, or clearly lack there of. It is not something I am very generous about doing for me, but hey it was Valentine’s and a long weekend so… it happened and I only beat myself up a little bit with guilt. To get back on track let me merge two writing challenges together that actually hit home and work together, editing and music.

For anyone who doesn’t know, I have written a book, and am currently in agent finding purgatory. But in order to write this book, I did exactly what Zadie Smith suggested, even though I had zero intention of doing that. With a focus on editing she recommended taking a piece that you hadn’t looked at for a time, and re-reading it with the eyes of reader, rather than a writer, and ooph did that ever hit home. When I had left my project, and my past relationship, I picked it back up with fierce determination to get the story right, so I could in essence let go of the baggage. Because I was simply to close to the project, I decided to read it out loud. That was eye opening, and not in a good way.

When I became the reader, I realized to my horror, that the story was flat, and wrong. Something I would have not picked up on had I not stepped away from it. And thus, I had to re-write it, almost in it’s entirety. As I was doing this, I altered my playlist. Yes, this is my nice way of merging these two writing prompts into one piece. Amy Tam spoke to the idea of utilizing music to maintain a mood, basically keeping a song on repeat until that section or tone is correct. And hot damn, if that didn’t resonate with me. In order to get myself back into the writing zone, I would find a song that brought up those particular feels, and would listen to it on repeat. Once I was effectively transported back, I would turn on classical piano and just start pouring my soul out. It was a tactic I stumbled upon and I am so grateful to these prompts for bringing this to the forefront of my brain, so I can now put into words and hopefully future motion things that will ensure my words remain real and raw. Story time:

While this is a painful memory to share I’m going to anyways; the song that I went to in order to finish my book, was Vampire by Olivia Rodrigo. I won’t summarize it, other to say, that the slow sombre beginning brought me down to a place that I could be reflective. As it gets bolder I would get angry, and then feel guilt for being so gullible. These are emotions that are very difficult to keep in motion at the same time, and yet, I needed to be there, in order to remain authentic in my voice. I am not saying by any stretch that I was successful. But, that is technique I used, and one that now that I have read this writing prompt will use again in future to get things right. Find a song, listen to it on repeat to get into that zone, mood, whatever you want to call, and let the words pour out. I just hope that by doing that first, the words I read out loud to edit will be less horrible that they were in that long forgotten first draft…!

Thank you all for coming on this journey with me. And thank you all for the shared stories, words of encouragement, and of course my Patreon subscribers. Stay tuned for next week.

Week 4: Emotion

    K Ghislaine

I have literally just spend the last hour going through old photos that I took of myself on various writing adventures, in an effort to find myself and my voice. The prompt from Alice Walker, spoke about writing from a place of hate, and how paralyzing it can be. And I felt that paralysis, as I scrolled image after image. The memories of me trying, so hard to reconcile everything that I had been through, while at the same time, sugar coating it all, because I simply wasn’t ready to face the hard reality that I was alone. And more so, that I had been going it alone, for a very, long time.

The writing prompt side of this week, talks about writing from anger, and then revisiting the piece with a more moderate, or middle ground approach. And well, I want to tell you a story, about me doing just that, but over years and years.

As many of you know, I have written a book, a memoir of that open relationship that got me blogging. When I first started the book, I was in love, or what I would later learn was lust. And it was in that state of being I first endeavoured to write a book of fiction. It was a pen and paper novel, that I figured would allow me to better discuss everything that I had questioned but in the “clever” guise of a narrative so I could never be culpable to my relationship. It was… terrible. But an admirable effort on my part.

I did some soul searching and realized that I needed to revise it to a memoir, and keep it in a similar style to my blog so as not to alienate my incredible supportive readers. That book began as a love story, without an ending. It was simply a continuation of the blog with no rising action, no intrigue, just deeper dives into what transpired. My book was doomed, until that fateful day that I realized there was absolutely zero love in my home.

That was the day, that I picked up my book, and started with fresh eyes, and from the beginning. In those few weeks, and then months, I wrote with a fever pitch, and I wrote with anger. Some might even say, hate. But not hate at him. It was hate at myself. I would write words that poured out of me, and I know I cried a lot, but I don’t actually remember when or where. I just wrote, probably 50’000 words of pure rage, and dislike for who I had become as a result of losing myself to him, and his identity. It was awful. And again, so was the book. Because I blamed myself for everything that went wrong, it was horrible introspective that was so one-sided, it added to my depression to even think about. So I didn’t, I just wrote.

This prompt asked about writing with hate, and I think I have learned a lot from writing nearly an entire relationship worth of words, blinded by a rage I couldn’t control. I still don’t quite have the words to describe what a lonely period of time that was. The realization that I was not the person I wanted to be. A lifetime of experiences and adventures, with nothing redeeming to show for it, besides the chapters of a book, filled with self loathing and blame. That was a lesson I learned from. While cathartic, looking back of course, I no longer write when I feel that bubbling rage. I no longer will put words down on a page, when I cannot think straight. I know it those moments, I don’t want to capture that essence. It’s not sincere, it is not honest, and it is not worth capturing.

Writing with emotion is what I do best. Real, raw, and vulnerable. But… with an openness and a realization that there are always more sides to a story than just mine. That is the lesson I took away from writing in a period of hatred. Emotion is good. Extremes are bad! At the end of the day, I want to be remembered for being authentic rather than a drama queen who used her emotion to sensationalize her story. We can save that for the harlequin romance adaptation! Haha.

I hope you are enjoying this writing prompt edition of my blog, and I thank you all for reading!!! This post does not have any behind the scenes photos (no one wants to see me ugly cry!) on Patreon, but there is still some great content, and I am working on switching all my pay-walled medium articles to friends and family ones so there is added incentive to joining. My aim is to have this done for all tier levels, so please be patient with me as I make the changes.