Category: Boobs

Hypocrite You Say? Posting Sexy Photos is NOT an Invitation for Sexism or Trolls

    K Ghislaine
Beerlover_boobowner

Last year I wrote an article for Medium, with regards to this pervasive myth that it’s easier for woman to write about sex than men, and if you haven’t already, I do hope you give it a read for a little extra context for what I want to rant a bit about on here.  And perhaps, I will be able to formulate these rants into a more cohesive article for medium. But, for the time being, I want to address this hypocritical murmur I am hearing with regards to my boob forward images, and my hard stance against sexism and harassment.  I am body and sex positive, and no that does not mean that I or anyone else who creates content, is therefor open to sexism or harassment.  And the irony is not lost on me that I am writing this rant only a week after boldly re-claiming my power, but I guess, my boldness adds fodder to the trolls and hypocrite criers.  Ugh.

When I post boobs and beer on Instagram, that is my celebration of two things I love. And when I post bonus content on my Patreon (for a small subscription or one time fee) it is because, I deserve to get a little kickback for all the free content I put out there. Plain and simple. And yeah, admitting that I deserve a little money for what I do, is a tough thing to write down, and own.  Phew, glad I got that out of the way. And now onto the hypocrisy of it all.

One of the little notes I sent myself when mulling over how I wanted boobs, beer, and vinyl to look and feel was “Sex and nudity should be normalized, fun, and playful”. And yes, I send a lot of little notes to myself in between writing sessions. The thing about this one is, it is important to me that my images not just be sexy, shot in the best lighting ever, or even filtered. Why? Because real, and raw is who I am, with an element of playful and random.  That to me, is the key to embracing body positivity and normalizing nudity and the enjoyment of the naked body.  Of course with IG, nudity of any sort is forbidden, so I have to work within the parameters of their platform.  Which is perfectly fine with me, and presents a fun little challenge of riding that fine line.

But there are a few things I need to get right out there in the open.  There is nothing hypocritical about my strong stance against sexism and my fun desire to be sexy and playful with my photographs and selfies.  If you, have ever thought that I bring on the harassment and abuse myself due to my content that I put out into the world, YOU ARE THE PROBLEM! Let me be very clear, we cannot become a sex positive culture if we shame people for putting out content that is sexual  or suggestive in nature.  As I wrote in my Medium article, it is not easy putting intimate content out for public consumption. Trolls are the worst, and stalkers, are real. I have feared for my safety a number of times over the years, and even changed my nudity policy for my blog articles (if you’re a regular reader, I know you’re sick of me writing that down, but it still irks me that I had to do that).

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I have tried to understand the correlation between writing the word sex and getting trolled. I just don’t understand. Why when people read the phrase sex positive do they short circuit and assume that I’m down to fuck or that I want to talk about sex and my personal life with strangers? I call it trolling simply because it’s something that rational people in the real world would never do. Anonymity creates a seemingly safe space for creeps.  And I put content out, in a lot of places, thus there is a never ending stream of violations towards my privacy, sanity, and sexual well being. And no, it should not be this way, nor should I simply accept the fact because I write or photograph “sex” themed content at times.  And yet, in the real world, actual acquaintances of mine believe that this is par for the course and I bring this on myself. Ugh!  But I don’t do this simply for attention, and definitely not for the money.  I do this because it’s what I want to write about, what I am passionate about photographing, and what fuels me. 

And there is another element to this, a much more personal one.  Yesterday, I was in a terrible mood, and you know what made me cheer up? Taking the time to grab a beer, put on a silly bikini to match a vinyl cover, and plan a little photo shoot in my living room.  I got my brain to think about something fun, had tunes going, and cracked a beer.  Doing this little selfie absolutely got me out of my head, and brought some playfulness from my living room, and after I shared with those on my social media. It was truly a mental boost for me. And how in the world can that be wrong?

So, if you are one of those in the background thinking that I bring on harassment or sexism myself, it is time to look in the mirror and reflect on why you hold onto those misguided values. I dress for my own pleasure, and I take photos to bring me joy.  If you in turn believe that I deserve my trolls, or it should be expected in today’s day and age, please let me know, and I will provide you with some amazing resources to help shake you out of that frame of mind. Putting myself out there is rarely easy.  It is often uncomfortable, and hot damn do I wish some days that people would appreciate the work and pay me fairly for it. With that all aside, I more often than not, understand that what I do is important. And that there is value in what I put out there, and I remain hopeful that one day the effort will pay off. Or at the very least, I can stop ranting about all those who call me a hypocrite.

Challenge Time: I want each of you to give a shout-out to someone who embodies a sex positive trait that you admire, or someone you admire for the content they create! Comment on this post, Twitter, Facebook, or wherever you read this blog!

My Bra Quest

    K Ghislaine
Sports Bra and a Beer

Firstly, this post is in no way sponsored (but I mean maybe someday a revolutionary bra company will see this, and want to help the fun bags out?).  Secondly, this is a theme I will come back to over the coming weeks/months because I love research/product testing, and the journey is just beginning.  Third, if you are a person who is simply interested in what’s under the bra (and who can really blame you, check out my Patreon page).  Phew, now that I have gotten than of my chest, let me begin at the beginning of my bra quest with a little about me.

The Facts!

I hate bras.  I am a 34 D for about two weeks of my cycle, then I jump up to a 34 DD/E.  I am active, stretch almost every morning, and can lift a fair amount of weight (my part time gig has me moving full kegs of beer from time to time).  The translation here is that I have a strong core and I aim to strengthen that even further when the weather warms up and I can get back outside and biking.  So, with trying to do everything right, after a few hours on my feet, wearing the most comfortable bra I can find, my back burns, my shoulders hurt, and I want nothing more than to burn that restrictive device to the ground.

You should also know, that I have been professionally measured a few times for my correct bra size.  And I am confident I have purchased the correct fitting bra.  And although they are extraordinarily expensive, I do have bras for the different times in my cycle to account for size fluctuation, and my different activity levels.

Why Even Bother Wearing a Bra?

As much as I would love to just proudly say, to hell with all bras, I am a liberated, sex positive, bra free female, it just isn’t always practical.  When I am at home, socializing with my friends, or just doing low key activities, going without a bra is fine.  But, for work, physical activity, or just going out for a night on the town, wearing a bra is a necessary evil.  And thus, this post/series of posts is born.

Goal

The goal, quite simply is to find an over the shoulder boulder holder that makes my breasts look great, minimizes nipple showing, and holds the girls comfortably in place without back/neck/shoulder pain or a hot burning sensation in my upper back.  My current go to, is a t-shirt material underwire bra, that is seamless, fits excellent, makes my breast look fabulous, but needs to be burnt after about 3 hours on my feet… Ugh!

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Attempt 1 – Built in Bras

My first crack at this, was to wear clothing with built in bras.  While, this has been effective, these types of shirts and dresses are very expensive.  And there are always issues with me and fit.  Having a size 2/4 frame and large breasts means that they “pop out” of the sides, tops, and are always in motion. Or that they look flat, and get sweaty. So, the cons are cost, looks, and functionality. 

Attempt 2 – Layers

I don’t know why I thought this would be effective long term, but I figured I would try.  In the winter, I have been OK wearing a few layers to minimize motion, cover the nipples, and eliminate pain.  However, this does not make the breasts look their greatest, and it is completely unworkable when the weather warms up.  So, it was a seasonal solution that leaves my wish list unfulfilled.

Attempt 3 – Sports Bras

I finally found one (pictured her) that is amazing for physical activity.  However it is a two part system, has visible zipper lines, and is definitely function over fashion.  Also, even with the wicking material, I have to un zip the front to let air flow in after every bike ride or hike.  And at $129.00 per pair, there is a major cost barrier, and thus the hunt for an everyday solution continues merrily along.

So please stay tuned… for what I attempt next.

And if for “science” you want to see au naturel and what I am actually working with under those pesky bras, check out my Patreon.  Stay for a day, stay for a month, either way, it puts beer money into my pocket which fuels my writing!

#ReindeerBoob and the Fine Line About Censorship

    K Ghislaine

Last week, a friend of mine sent me a few images of #reindeerboob and I was immediately smitten with them.  Combining my love of costumes and showing off I knew this was a photo shoot I needed to do.  So, I sipped some wine and started drawing out what would become a set of antlers, picked out a shirt and enlisted my partner to take some pictures of the completed look.  After taking the pictures, I grew a little sad that this photo album would be for my Patreon fans only.  What a waste I thought!  And then, yesterday, on Facebook of all places I saw it, a post of #Reindeerboob in all its public glory.

But wait a minute, Facebook is supposed to be a family friendly platform, so how was this post not flagged as inappropriate?  Why is what is basically a bare breast with a little bit of glitter and decoration suddenly OK to show?  Well, while it may be flagged as offensive by some, it actually doesn’t violate the prime policy Facebook leans on, and that is the display of the female nipple.  The other component, is that in this case, the breast is not sexualized (well I mean arguably it’s more humorous than randy), but the fact remains, the breast is not being displayed in a way the elicits any sexual behaviour.  It is simply a fun place to put a reindeer, and all the naughty bits are covered up.

Does this seem a little weird or fishy to anyone else?  Why is this the line?  What makes the nipple something worthy of censorship?  Why are we all so afraid of seeing this particular body part?

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Honestly, I have no answer.  There is little rhyme or reason other than someone was asked to draw a line in the sand about what to censor and the nipple was poking just a little too far out.  It was bright and perky, and got noticed.  And well, I now keep my nipples out of the sunlight.  I keep them hidden from public platforms like facebook, and show them off less proudly on my blog.  That’s a hassle I just don’t need in my life.  I have zero desire to have someone tell me that my nipples violate anything and need to be put away, or hidden from view.  No one tells me what I can and cannot do with my body!  So, I toe the line.  I adhere to the policies of the public platforms I use, as best I can, and instead of challenging a faceless entity with my pictures, I use my words.  I use this blog, and the vlog to shout as loud as I can, that censorship is bad, and #FreetheNipple! And when I see the opportunity to follow the rules and show off?  Well, obviously I pounce!  So enjoy this wonderfully festive hashtag.  Make your own #reindeerboob.  Share it with pride!  Have fun with it!  And most of all make this your most sex positive holiday yet!

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It’s Spring! And Here Are a Few of My Favorite Things…

    K Ghislaine

 This is my first ever favorite things blog!  I always read about mainstream bloggers who write something like this, some who promote products even write one every month!  So I figured after blogging for over 6 years I am long over due!  So join me in my celebration of some of my favorites!

I love sex, my partner, and orgasms.  Phew, OK, glad we got that out of the way first!  Oh, and I love dick, with consent of course! And boobs are pretty OK too!

I adore the freedom of being able to blog and express myself in a sex positive and body positive way.  While my writing is not always perfect, many readers see my passion, and will overlook a grammatical issue or two, and that leads to my next favorite thing!

My readers! You, guys, who read, ask questions, comment, and even the ones who poke fun of me are all fantastic!  I love the engagement I receive from you.  In my first few years of blogging I felt like I was a writing for an audience of just me.  While beneficial for sorting out the first few years of openness, I have thoroughly enjoyed the last few years of blogging a whole lot more!  My relationship with my blog has gone from one -sided work work work, to a fun mutual engagement.  And we can learn from each other! So thank you!

Next on the list, is beer, patios, and sunshine!  I don’t think any explanation is required here as all three are supremely awesome.

Moving on, I would like to say a very special shout-out to all the men, and women, but mostly men who appreciate the sexual being I am without crossing the lines.  I know, sometimes you make mistakes and react with your small head instead of your big one, but this is what makes you my favorites.  Owning up to the mistake, and by making modifications to not do it in the future.  This whole blog of mine arose out of the mistakes I have made in non-monogamy.  I am pro at them, but I also am sincere in my desire to learn, grow and choose better reactions in the future.  And that trait is what I love about you guys!  You probably started following for the pictures, but occasionally you bring a smile to my face by reading an article or two and commenting afterwards in a completely open minded and awesome way.

And finally, I want to give a bit shout out to my library and all the books in my past, present and future.  Reading fires my soul, and being able to share my love of books with you guys and my clients is pretty amazing.  It has been an amazing challenge to write my first book (a memoir of sorts), and although I am only a 3rd of the way to my ultimate goal, it is a labour of love.  And I know there will be large sappy tears shed when I hold my first published book in my hands, which I hope won’t be too many years away!  Haha.

After jotting the list of my favorites down, I can see why other bloggers write these so often!  I feel rejuvenated and ready to tackle the spring and all the challenges that this next year is going to bring.  And now I ask you have you written your spring favorites?  I would love to hear them and keep this cycle of incredible positivity after a long winter going.  So please comment, tweet or just write a few things down just for yourself that celebrate your own favorites!

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Boobs – Fake or Real?

    K Ghislaine

All of you readers have been such great sports over the past few weeks reading, commenting, and engaging in some pretty heavy topics that I have put forth.  So I wanted to lighten it up a bit for all of us, and tell you a little tale about me.  And this tale is all about my boobs!

I was a late bloomer, so late in fact that I had pretty much given up.  I was rail thin, with glasses and no curves anywhere.  And I stayed this way right up until the end of high school.  My self esteem was based solely on my personality and I was lucky enough to have the same social circle to take me from the high school transition right on into university.  I was surrounded by friends who were infinitely smarter than me, so being a flat chested tomboy, really didn’t seem to matter much.  Looking back, it feels so surreal that I was fortunate enough to have gone to a high school which focused on academics and not popularity.  My friends and I still laugh about how strange it was the the smarter you were, the more popular you became.  Bizzaro land for sure.

So, by now you may have figured out that my social skills may not have been quite like other people my age.  Surrounded by the smartie pants and absolutely no reason to talk to the opposite sex for anything other than friendship, because let’s face it, I was not the hot one, I entered into the summer before university completely unaware that something big was about to happen to me.

So let me take you back to that summer and share with you one of the most memorable conversations of my life.  I had noticed that my breasts had grown a little bit, but being summer I was often in tube tops, spaghetti strapped shirts and bikini tops so I tell you honestly, it didn’t dawn on me just how drastic my body was changing.  And keep in mind, all my female friends reached puberty between 11 and 14, so I was resigned to just being a skinny rail like my mom.

So here I am, riding a power lawn mower at our acreage (the one chore I actually enjoyed doing) soaking up all the sunshine, in a tube top, while listening to my diskman (yes we are going way back).  Oblivious and happy at the sweet naive age of 17.  On the front porch sat about 10 of my male family friends, ranging in age from 30 – 40 ish, all drinking beer, laughing and doing what guys do on a Saturday afternoon, shooting the shit.

Suddenly there is a commotion.  There is yelling, then laughter, then a few heated remarks and finally an eerie silence.  I hop off my lawn mower to go investigate what the dumb asses were up to now, and that’s when I noticed they were all staring straight at me.  Well, all except my step dad who was red in the face and looking anywhere but at me.  Then the guy closest to me (I will not name names to protect anonymity) mumbles something about my boobs.  My face goes bright red!  “What?” I ask.  He asks again, but a little louder this time.  “We have a bet going, are your boobs fake or real?”

And that’s when it dawned on me.  My boobs didn’t just grow a little bit, they were freaking insane, especially for my size.  I had gone from a small, shall we say barely B cup, to a DD in what actually felt like over night.  So thank you genetics for the very late surprise!  And I hope this picture will finally lay to rest the debate that I have been dealing with for just about 17 years now.

So if you’ve ever asked yourself if they are real or not… they are.  And you are not the first to ask, nor will you be the last.

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