Halloween 2020

Eve Looking for Her Adam

I originally called this piece my Halloween lament. After a great night’s sleep, I awoke with fresh perspective, and what I hope will be a tear free day. Halloween has always been my favourite holiday and if you search the sidebar of this blog with Halloween, you will see tonnes of posts celebrating it, and a few costumes as well. Obviously this year is 2020, so of course we cannot have nice things like a vanilla costume party, followed by the more riske and sexier one at a swing club.  So, here I find myself with no choice but to join the masses and get dressed up for myself, and my virtual audience on this Halloween 2020.  The new normal!

While dressing up is amazing and I am glad I get to share my costume with anyone who dares to read this, I am struck with a nagging emotion I can’t quite shake, I’m lonely. And Halloween has historically been the time of year that I upstart my social calendar. Because I am chasing every costume party I can find, I also get to meet a wide variety of people. I have always made new friends, and the occasional sexy connection as a result of using costumes as an ice breaker. As we all know, that is not an option this year. Instead, I am staying comfortably within my little bubble of amazing friends and doing the most low key Halloween to date. One small gathering, with no new faces, and the realization that there will be no new faces for a long long time.

I have had more than a few people ask me how I could possibly feel so lonely because I am non-monogamous, so clearly I must have a rolodex (OK, only I still use that word) full of fine men just waiting for me to reach out. And let me tell you something, I don’t. For better or for worse, I have never felt comfortable just keeping people around “in-case” I need them. And with my life getting flipped upside down the past few years, I stopped putting any effort into meeting anyone new. I just wasn’t feeling whole, or sexy, or emotionally willing to get to know anyone. So, to use a phrase from ELByrne, I find myself with an empty funnel, and more disastrous, during my favourite holiday to meet new people.

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This year, when Halloween is over, I am going to feel the drop. That weird realization of sitting on my couch, finishing off my candy, too scared to watch horror movies by myself, and wishing that things were different. Wishing that 2020 had just never happened, and that I could just go back to dancing the night away, mingling, flirting, and looking optimistically at my new contacts the following morning. But, it is 2020, and pretending it’s not won’t change a thing.

So, here I am, dressed up all by my lonesome, drinking a beer, and taking all the photos (NSFW are up on Patreon). Because this is what really happens when I find myself with nothing but time, and a huge emotional void to fill. Le sigh… Trying to make the most out of this Halloween is tough, but I’m sure I will look back upon it, as a minor roadblock on the way to something amazing.  Right?

How to Respond When Someone Posts a Sexy Photo of Themselves Online

Sexy Pink Bra Selfie

I am working diligently on getting my life back to a place where I feel more whole.  And part of that journey has included a stark realization, that may I never actually get there, and to just put my happiness on hold until that magical moment arrives is foolhardy at best.  So, when something joyful happens in my life, I now smile, pause, reflect, enjoy it, basically I have given myself permission to start being the happy, optimistic person that I used to be.  Going back to my childhood nickname of “ray of sunshine” is, a dream come true.  So, with all of this in hand, I posted a sexy image on Twitter last week whereby I said “somedays you have to wear that bra that makes your boobs look incredible under that most unassuming t-shirt”. 

I was celebrating the fact that I was feeling sexy, just for me.  I was at a point again, where I was feeling playful, and fun.  And within moments I received this message “I’m sorry.. no bra beats the look of a hard nipple under some cloth”.  I was shocked.  The comment literally had zero purpose.  And I realized that some people just need to be heard.  They feel it is their duty to comment on everything, to voice their opinions, and to use another person’s celebration as a platform for their own purpose.  And for a the next few hours, I got trolled hard.  Two male accounts in particular started clamoring for how I posted something public, and therefore any and all opinions and comments should be expected.  I was in the wrong for trying to moderate my own content.  And their opinions deserved to be heard just as loudly as mine.  It was, asinine. 

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You can read the whole thing on my Twitter under the same picture on this post if you’re bored, but let me pull out just one more quote from the account in question as he tried to explain why he wrote his comment “all I did was indicate my preference for the braless look.  It wasn’t about you”.  Obviously there was a clamoring of “then why write that”, which fell on deaf ears.  It was now about something vastly different than the original intent of feeling confident enough to share that I was feeling sexy.  It was showing a glaring truth about the social media sphere of things.  And I almost wanted to say “if you can’t saying anything nice, then don’t say anything at all”.  But you see, I don’t actually believe in that.  We as a society are too nice.  We don’t want to offend anyone so, we keep our opinions to ourselves.  What really needs to be said, is something along the lines of relevance.  Why do you feel the need to comment.  Are you adding to the conversation?  Is there relevance?  Context is king here.

What did the guy really want out of that comment?  Was he looking to see me without a bra, or with hard nipples instead?  Yeah, probably, however when I asked him flat out his intent, he didn’t seem to know.  He couldn’t articulate the rational for writing that.  And that is where my main aggravation comes from.  If you want to add to the conversation, debate, have a real conversation I am 100% for that.  But, I am not here to just be your soapbox, or have you piggyback off of my content.  

Now, you are probably asking why I titled this blog the way I did.  Quite simply, because context is everything.  Use those reading comprehension skills that you learned in elementary, and apply them.  If someone posts an article, picture, video, podcast, really anything, before you comment ask yourself what their intent is, and then ask yourself, why are you really commenting? Are you adding to the conversation?  Are you looking for something different?  Are you displeased with something?  Are you trying to network or promote your own content?  The bottom line, is interact with purpose.  Know what that is, and be responsible for your own words just as the content creator is.  And remember the golden rule of the internet, nothing is every permanently deleted, so… don’t be that troll!

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The Pride Badge

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Yesterday, I was doing one of my favorite things, getting paid to talk about beer.  I was having a lovely day, out in the sunshine, chatting with really rad people.  And then suddenly, I was faced with a situation I was not prepared for, a seemingly nice man with whom I was chatting with showed a very ugly side of himself.  I was shocked, horrified, and in that moment, I felt all the importance of pride month and why there is still so much work to do.  While the following story may seem insignificant to many of you, I think dismissing these small offhanded comments shows apathy, and we as a society need to do better.  And for my part, writing a post that clearly defines my position on equality, in that I believe every adult, consenting, human should have the right to love whom they want without judgement, hatred, or bigotry. 

Pride Badge

So here is the story that sparked this little thread.  There is a beer app called Untappd, and this seemingly nice man in his 50s was showing me a few of his recent badges and favorite beers.  We had a few laughs, and the conversation was pleasant overall.  As he was working through my samples of beer, he picked his favorite and added it to his recommended beer list.  When he pressed that little button, a badge popped up, and that’s when I saw him for what he really was.  The badge was decorated in bright rainbow colours, with the word pride printed boldly in the middle.  He immediately exclaimed that he “was not fond of that one, wished he could delete it, but shhhhh don’t tell anyone because that could get him shot!”

I just stood there, shocked, and completely silent.  Did this man just admit to me that he was homophobic, didn’t support pride, and was actually worried that he would have violence inflicted on him for sharing this view?  What the hell?  Without any reaction from me, the guy thanked me for the beer and left.  It was over as fast as it began.  For him, it was a passing comment, that he inappropriately shared with a stranger.  But for me, it left me with a true uncertainty for those around me.  A day later, I still have this terrible feeling in my gut, that there was so much more to that sentiment.  And I am horrified to imagine that there are so many out there just like him.  Of course this troubles me.  How could a badge that means so much for so many, also illicit such hate and spite from another?  Why, are we so polarized on this issue as a society?  What can possibly be gained from hate?  Why is there still so much fear from a group of people that have actually done nothing that I am aware of, to deserve it?  Oh, that’s right, we as a society still fear sex.

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Pride Parades

When I have been a spectator at my local pride parade, it usually feels like an incredible celebration that I feel like to be a supporter of.  I feel so happy that people are coming together and proudly proclaiming that freedom and love go hand in hand, decorated in bright colours.  Even as a child I would get really overwhelmed at parades, and when I went to my last pride day, it was no different.  I had to choke back tears as I watched all these beautiful people, proudly marching down the street, in unity. 

I am sorry to say, I’m not sure I fully understood all the backhand, snide comments, that people who are openly LGBTQ+ have to face every single day.  For me, this was but a disgusting moment in my life.  And please do not misinterpret what I say next.  I chose to be offended by this man’s comment.  I could have just ignored it, dismissed it, and gone on with my life, choosing battles that directly affect me.  But the reality is, I don’t think being apathetic or just ignoring these comments is working.  I was silent in that moment, because I was shocked, and truly did not know what to say.  I didn’t have the words to educate, stand up for what I believe, or to give the guys head a vigorous shake.  I felt powerless.  I say I believe in equality for all humans, but here I am, admitting that in those precious moments that followed his outrageous behaviour, I just hoped he would vanish from my sight.

The Takeaway

What I do know, is I am thankful that this app has a badge that proudly supports pride.  And that it brought to light this man’s prejudices.  And I hope that the next person he shares this story with is better equipped to educate him.  To show him that equality and diversity actually make us a better society, and provide us with a richness far beyond what our comfortable, close minded beliefs default to, a fear of what we don’t understand.  And I hope that someday soon, we will not need pride month, because we will just all be equal human beings who celebrate our diversities on a daily basis with the mantra, you do you, and let me do me (or all of us in a big consent fueled group doing each other!). 

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Breaking Away From Monogamy!

Welcome to my brand new blog, BreakingAwayFromMonogamy.com!  This change has been long overdue and I am so excited to share it with you!  Why the change you might ask?  Quite frankly, I was tired of struggling to make blogspot look modern and fresh with all the formatting limitations.  And honestly, the final straw was in receiving a violation e-mail for using the word porn in one of my recent posts.  I believe in free speech, and receiving a notification for simply using a word spurred me into action.  While my work has never been XXX rated, I would like the freedom to discuss anything withing the spectrum of non-monogamy and sex without fearing violation or even having my blog shutdown altogether.

And with a new site, came the opportunity to re-brand myself a little more appropriate to where my blog has taken me.  I changed the hard to spell web address into something easier and in my opinion a little catchier.  I shed the pseudonym of K-ghislaine and took ownership of my name, Krys!  So welcome, and please, if you could update this new site into your favorites and delete the old blogspot.ca that would be amazing!

***Please note, that while all the original content, links and pictures transferred over here, it is going to take me a while to go through and reformat each post.  So please, just bear with me as I go through each post and get this site up to the formatting specs I want.

Thank you again for being a part of my amazing adventure!

Krys

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It’s Spring! And Here Are a Few of My Favorite Things…

 This is my first ever favorite things blog!  I always read about mainstream bloggers who write something like this, some who promote products even write one every month!  So I figured after blogging for over 6 years I am long over due!  So join me in my celebration of some of my favorites!

I love sex, my partner, and orgasms.  Phew, OK, glad we got that out of the way first!  Oh, and I love dick, with consent of course! And boobs are pretty OK too!

I adore the freedom of being able to blog and express myself in a sex positive and body positive way.  While my writing is not always perfect, many readers see my passion, and will overlook a grammatical issue or two, and that leads to my next favorite thing!

My readers! You, guys, who read, ask questions, comment, and even the ones who poke fun of me are all fantastic!  I love the engagement I receive from you.  In my first few years of blogging I felt like I was a writing for an audience of just me.  While beneficial for sorting out the first few years of openness, I have thoroughly enjoyed the last few years of blogging a whole lot more!  My relationship with my blog has gone from one -sided work work work, to a fun mutual engagement.  And we can learn from each other! So thank you!

Next on the list, is beer, patios, and sunshine!  I don’t think any explanation is required here as all three are supremely awesome.

Moving on, I would like to say a very special shout-out to all the men, and women, but mostly men who appreciate the sexual being I am without crossing the lines.  I know, sometimes you make mistakes and react with your small head instead of your big one, but this is what makes you my favorites.  Owning up to the mistake, and by making modifications to not do it in the future.  This whole blog of mine arose out of the mistakes I have made in non-monogamy.  I am pro at them, but I also am sincere in my desire to learn, grow and choose better reactions in the future.  And that trait is what I love about you guys!  You probably started following for the pictures, but occasionally you bring a smile to my face by reading an article or two and commenting afterwards in a completely open minded and awesome way.

And finally, I want to give a bit shout out to my library and all the books in my past, present and future.  Reading fires my soul, and being able to share my love of books with you guys and my clients is pretty amazing.  It has been an amazing challenge to write my first book (a memoir of sorts), and although I am only a 3rd of the way to my ultimate goal, it is a labour of love.  And I know there will be large sappy tears shed when I hold my first published book in my hands, which I hope won’t be too many years away!  Haha.

After jotting the list of my favorites down, I can see why other bloggers write these so often!  I feel rejuvenated and ready to tackle the spring and all the challenges that this next year is going to bring.  And now I ask you have you written your spring favorites?  I would love to hear them and keep this cycle of incredible positivity after a long winter going.  So please comment, tweet or just write a few things down just for yourself that celebrate your own favorites!

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