Category: Challenge

Week 9: Character

    K Ghislaine

This weeks challenge is one that I am going to blatantly disregard, even though I absolutely see the value in it, because I am captivated by the words that lead up to the challenge of character instead. For those who are not following the book itself, which I assume is almost all of you, Edith Wharton speaks to the idea of characters and them being influenced by people that we know. She goes on to explain that the moment a character is written down, no matter how closely inspired by someone else, they become different, or in her words they “instantly cease to be real”. The challenge she poses is to write down 5 traits, and then start a new character with the baseline of those traits, but do so without mentioning any of the traits. The beginning of a whole new entity seemingly from your imagination. As a writer of memoirs and life this did not excite me as much as the listen activity that lead up to it.

Here’s my story. Almost without fail, when I tell people that I write, they want to know if they can or will be in it. That’s fairly standard for any writer. People love personalizing things, it brings them closer to the medium and we simply cannot help being the vain little creatures we are, believing the world revolves around us. Now that is all well and good in the land of the vanilla. However, as you should know, my writing experience did not start there, as evidenced by this blog. So when I would go out into the real world, and share the subject matter of my blog, I was faced with an even stranger truth, the ones who desperately wanted to be the subject of my writing.

Beer with a friend, or a new acquaintance would go like this. “Nice to meet you! What do you write about? Oh really?! Have I got a story for you! Let me now overshare a personal sexual tryst that I know you are going to love.” For those who know me in person, you can well imagine the look of horror on my face. For those who don’t know me face to face, and wonder why the look, especially as I tout myself as being sex positive, let me explain. I love talking about sex, relationships, and the like. However, there is a time and a place. Rarely do I share a story simply to brag about my sexual exploits. In fact, there is the possibility that if I did, I would be far more famous than I am currently, which is not at all. But, I am not here for fame. I am here to share real world experiences in the hopes that others can relate or learn things.

In my mind, very little conversation or discussion can arise from someone excitedly telling me a tale of how this one time, their lover told them they were the best they had ever had and this is exactly why they said that! Yes, I know, writing that down it is clear they wanted me to turn around and say, prove it! Let us jump in the sack right now so I can test the validity of your sexual prowess. Hmmm… now that’s a thought experiment. How many people would have gone through with it, versus chickening out in the moment? Some questions will simply never be answered, and that is not a bad thing.

So back to the whole character writing part. I don’t think I could ever do justice to a piece that simply shared the sexual exploits of others. My attraction lies in the individuals I sleep with, and their unique personas. And I find the complexity of people to be compelling. None of that allure gets conveyed when a person brags to me about their sex lives moments after we have our first sip of beer. Holy hell am I ever glad that I don’t date any more. So many moments are rushing through my head right now that it is difficult to focus on the subject at hand, which is developing a character with traits that are compelling. So, to all those who have wondered if I will ever share your stories, the answer is almost certainly no. And in fact, if you ever see yourself in my book, chances are it is from a shared experience and not from any character development on my part. That is not a skill that I want to hone, as a matter of personal integrity and privacy to those with whom I have been intimate with.

Phew, that was a bunch to get off my chest. Stay tuned for the randomness that I’m sure I will bring forth next week! And if you can’t wait that long, feel free to check out the bonus content on my Patreon.

Miscarriage: My Poetic Rant

    K Ghislaine

Questions Without Answers

It is not your fault

May I repeat it is not your fault

But what about the hot bath I took?

Or the beer I had before I knew I was pregnant?

No, it is not your fault

But what about the sex, or using my vibrator, could that be to blame?

There just must be something to blame, someone, oh it must be me

So many questions but no satisfying answers

It happens,  it is normal, your body knows what’s best

The wrong signals were sent, the womb was confused, everything was out of your control

It is not your fault

I repeat, it is not your fault

But who’s fault is it?

Why did it happen?

And how can I prevent it happening again?

You can’t, you won’t, somethings just are what they are

The numbers they swirl,

40

You are old, it is too late

20%

It is going to happen again

50%

Your quality is diminished

I cry

So it is my fault

I waited too late

I did everything wrong

I am to blame

No, it is not your fault

You are not to blame

It happens, it is OK

You will try again, you will find a way because it is what you do best

Remember, it is OK, it is not your fault

We love you

I Love You

Thank you all for the love and support on here, social media, and on Patreon. For the likes, shares, comments, and private words of encouragement. It’s nice not to be alone.

Challenge Time!!! #30DaysSexPositive

    K Ghislaine
#30DaysSexPositive

Welcome to the third edition of the sex positive challenge! If this is your first time checking this out, congrats. For those who are joining me for the second or third time, I truly hope you find the challenges involving, fun, and at times thought provoking, and a little sexy? Springtime always makes me feel renewed and ready to start new things, hence starting each May with a little challenge definitely gives me a libido boost. And I have to give a special shout out to all the amazing participants in the past, truly, you amaze me with your insight, sexiness, and openness! I am so inspired and in awe of this amazing community. Thank you!

Now let us take a look at what May 2021’s challenge will entail.

Where?

In the past I have posted on all my social media each morning. This go around I’m going to try something a little different by posting daily on my Sex Positive Books and Blogs account, and then doing a weekly roundup of posts on IG, and Facebook. While engagement was increasing on the later two accounts, the actual home bases are not sex friendly, so I want to stick to what currently allows community building and open freedom of speech (Twitter). 

In short, daily challenges will go on Twitter, and I will complete them through my personal account so you have two easy ways to find them.

What?

Once you have found the daily challenge, take whatever time you need to complete it.  Then the choice is yours to simply re-tweet using the #30DaysSexPositive or to share with the sex positive community something about the challenge you’re comfortable with, be it pictures, a blog post, music, or just a few words about it (using the hashtag of course).  The whole point is embrace to sex as a natural part of our humanity, and to explore different ways of thinking in a safe, consent based environment. And it is far more fun with community participation!

I want you to challenge yourself in whatever way you feel comfortable. That is part of the reason I don’t have prizes at this stage in the game. Penalizing someone for not completing a day due to it being outside their comfort zone does not sit well with me. This is designed to be a personal journey, that I hope brings you one step closer to embracing your sexual self.

Inclusivity

One important note, I do strive to make each challenge completely inclusive. If for whatever reason you are not able to complete a challenge due to something I have overlooked, please send me a quick DM, explaining why so I can rectify it. I am still learning myself, and I want to ensure that this is sex positive and welcoming environment for all participants.

With that said, if you are ready to challenge yourself for this #30DaysSexPositive Challenge, welcome to our third edition!  I hope you have fun, and make it the whole 30 days! 

If you love this challenge and are wondering how to support more sex positive efforts in the future, my Patreon page is always open or check out one of my amazing affiliate banners on my home page.

Challenge Time: Sex Positive For 31 Days!

    K Ghislaine
#SexPositiveFor31Days

When we gathered in May to complete the 30 day sex positive challenge, the focus was self love, learning the word sex positive, and incorporating affirmations and little challenges that could be done around the home. This go around, I want to delve deeper. The aim is for each of us feel like a contributing member of the sex positive community by incorporating daily challenges, answering tough questions, and thinking about what really makes us tick, sexually speaking. If this is your first time playing, feel free to check out #sexpositive30days (on Twitter) to see a glimpse of what you are in for in Octobers sex positive for 31 days challenge.

Where can you find the challenges?

Every morning I will be posting a daily challenge on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. Just like last time I will be participating using my own Twitter handle. If you are comfortable sharing your answers, photos, or experiences please use #SexPositiveFor31Days and like or share so others can join in. If you’re not, that’s OK too! There is zero pressure to be public with your sexual experiences.

The Goal

The goal is simple: building the sex positive community, normalizing the word sex, and of course ending the stigma/taboo around being a sexual adult. As with the last challenge, it doesn’t matter what gender you are, what your orientation is, or even if you are single, partnered, or have multiple people in your life… the challenges are open to all of us. We are an inclusive community and talking about being sex positive is open to every adult who chooses to participate.

One important thing to note is this is a challenge. While I want to push myself and those participating outside of the comfort zone, the aim is to never feel silly or anything negative if there is something about sex you don’t know or want to look up! Sex is not stagnant, and being sex positive should feel the same way. Growing, evolving, changing with different partners, moods, or just plain old desire is amazing and valid. Ending the stigma and shame around sex is super important to me, and the driving force of these sex positive challenges. By talking about it, we normalize pleasure, and that is a beautiful thing.

So, if you are ready to be challenged, use the hashtag, like, share, and have fun exploring a sex positive you!

#SexPositiveFor31Days

If you love this challenge and are wondering how to support more sex positive efforts in the future, my Patreon page is always open or check out one of my amazing affiliate banners on my home page.

Falling Back in Love… With Myself

    K Ghislaine
Falling in Love… with me!

As a non-monogamous person, I spend a lot of my time working on relationships. Between strengthening the one I have at home, and the constant quest for new and incredible people, I humbly submit that I should get an A for effort. People are my passion. Relationship building is my forte. But, I will admit, there is a problem with my foundation, with me. While I have overcome many things in the past few years (with this last one being a real rollercoaster), there is something I need to put more focus on, loving me again.

A few months ago, I created a sex positive 30 day challenge, which was probably harder for me, than anyone else who joined in. Having to tell myself “I love me”, in the mirror brought me to tears. I crumbled.  Not because I don’t love myself, but because I wasn’t in love with myself. I had not done anything of late to boost myself up.  I had no new crazy or adventurous stories to tell. I had no new projects that I can excitedly get feedback on or bounce ideas about. I had put my inner passion for my ideas and creativity on the back burner.

NoMoreWetSpot.com

And yes, I did this in on purpose. I finally took that long hard look at myself and realized that I needed to forgive myself for my past, heal up, and take a real break to recharge. Loving half a person is the most difficult journey I have ever endured. And I did it, for the last year (more to come on that in a future post). I would do it again in a heartbeat, but it changed me. As a creative and passionate individual with drive and dreams I would find myself snapping at life in general. Why do I have to do everything? Why can I not take a break, and have someone take care of me for a few moments? Why will these tears just not stop?

The answer? I put myself on hold for another human being. I was living at half my creative capacity, with the other half keeping my human… alive. (Watching a loved one battle depression is anguish.)

Reading that last thought, over and over again, I am not sure if using past or present tense is more accurate. That being said, I didn’t make excuses to type this morning. I simply poured my coffee, and started to type.  And that, is a huge step. I didn’t feel obligated, instead I felt calm enough to start sharing. And that means I am feeling the fruits of the recharge. The drive is coming back, and you better believe that passion is too. I am starting to fall back in love with myself, because let’s face it, a whole human being is far sexier than half a soul right?

I will be challenging myself to post more photos on my Patreon page this month in the spirit of accepting and loving my body for the here and now instead of lamenting that it is not what it was, and I am grateful for all the support in this endeavour.