Category: Challenge

Falling Back in Love… With Myself

    K Ghislaine
Falling in Love… with me!

As a non-monogamous person, I spend a lot of my time working on relationships. Between strengthening the one I have at home, and the constant quest for new and incredible people, I humbly submit that I should get an A for effort. People are my passion. Relationship building is my forte. But, I will admit, there is a problem with my foundation, with me. While I have overcome many things in the past few years (with this last one being a real rollercoaster), there is something I need to put more focus on, loving me again.

A few months ago, I created a sex positive 30 day challenge, which was probably harder for me, than anyone else who joined in. Having to tell myself “I love me”, in the mirror brought me to tears. I crumbled.  Not because I don’t love myself, but because I wasn’t in love with myself. I had not done anything of late to boost myself up.  I had no new crazy or adventurous stories to tell. I had no new projects that I can excitedly get feedback on or bounce ideas about. I had put my inner passion for my ideas and creativity on the back burner.

NoMoreWetSpot.com

And yes, I did this in on purpose. I finally took that long hard look at myself and realized that I needed to forgive myself for my past, heal up, and take a real break to recharge. Loving half a person is the most difficult journey I have ever endured. And I did it, for the last year (more to come on that in a future post). I would do it again in a heartbeat, but it changed me. As a creative and passionate individual with drive and dreams I would find myself snapping at life in general. Why do I have to do everything? Why can I not take a break, and have someone take care of me for a few moments? Why will these tears just not stop?

The answer? I put myself on hold for another human being. I was living at half my creative capacity, with the other half keeping my human… alive. (Watching a loved one battle depression is anguish.)

Reading that last thought, over and over again, I am not sure if using past or present tense is more accurate. That being said, I didn’t make excuses to type this morning. I simply poured my coffee, and started to type.  And that, is a huge step. I didn’t feel obligated, instead I felt calm enough to start sharing. And that means I am feeling the fruits of the recharge. The drive is coming back, and you better believe that passion is too. I am starting to fall back in love with myself, because let’s face it, a whole human being is far sexier than half a soul right?

I will be challenging myself to post more photos on my Patreon page this month in the spirit of accepting and loving my body for the here and now instead of lamenting that it is not what it was, and I am grateful for all the support in this endeavour. 

That Tingly Feeling When the Numbness Leaves

    K Ghislaine

A Little Update…

That tingly feeling

I cannot believe that it has been a year since I wrote my piece on Breaking Free From Gaslighting.  When I wrote it last June, I thought that I was in a situation where life was completely hopeless and perhaps writing about the past situation would grant me a little mental relief.  I was in a hopeless teeter-totter of emotions where the only thing I could do was control my own reactions, because there was nothing I could do solve the inherent problem.  It was actually a pretty interesting game of mental gymnastics on my part. 

First, I would cry, get angry, basically go through all the stages of grief. Then I would have this wave of motivation and just start creating new things like a person possessed.  Fueling my creativity with all the negative thoughts that were just there. I was locked in this back and forth, until suddenly, something completely outside of my control happened, depression.  My house became plagued with this treacherous beast and we were powerless to stop it. I will save the details for another time, but I will say time lost all meaning. I was no longer coping, I was in full survival mode, and not just for me, but my household too. And that was the moment I did the only I knew how to do, go numb.

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When I was a small child, I learn how to go numb as a defence mechanism when a bunch of horrible crap was occurring around me and I had no tools to deal with it. And well, that whole ice queen persona stuck with me well into my 20’s.  When I finally learned how to laugh, and be a sex positive person, I figured I would never fall back into that numb place, but last summer, I did.  What’s more, I have had to stay in a state of numbness up until this week.  Why? Because as the gaslighter continued to exert his control over me, I was powerless.  The only solution was out of my control, and all I could do was guide the process or stand idly by as best I could (which I am not good at!). 

Maybe you have felt this? Perhaps I am describing a situation that feels so foreign to you, you want to reach out and hug me, or worse, pity me.  Wherever you fall reading that purposefully vague statement (privacy is paramount here, as I don’t want to go from one legal battle directly into another one), I hope you understand one thing, I survived.  And now, I have that tingly feeling all over my body from where that numbness was.  It feels euphoric, brings me to tears with that release, and then just has me grinning.  I feel like I am waking up. 

Thank you all for participating and supporting the first week of the sex positive 30 day challenge because honestly, this gave me a purpose.  I chose a project that required skills far beyond my comfort zone (graphic design) and forced me to put myself out there, just as much as I was asking all of you to be.  And it has grounded me for an hour or so, every day, while I try and rectify my new reality and emotions.  Having the constant burden of fear no longer blocking my path to happiness is a pretty intense feeling. I thank you all for reading up to this point!  Your support has been pretty damn integral to focusing my tingly feeling on something tangible rather than just melting into a puddle of giggly goo.

So, that is the brief update on where this sex positive blogger is at with her life… the tingly road to freedom!  And now, back to the #sexpositive30days challenge!

For all the behind the scenes content, and to show a little extra support for this blog, please check out my Patreon!

Sex Positive – 30 Day Challenge

    K Ghislaine
#SexPositive30Days

Do you consider yourself to be a sex positive individual?  Have you ever used the term, or given thought to what that really means?  Are you curious about how embracing a sex positive attitude can enhance your life?  Or, are you just bored and ready for a challenge?  If you answered yes, then I invite you to participate in this sex positive 30 day challenge. 

What is the Sex Positive Challenge?

For the month of May (2020), I will be posting daily challenges with one common theme, being sex positive.  Some challenges will take a few seconds, while others will take a bit longer.  There are no score cards, or points awarded, as this is a personal journey.  We all come from different backgrounds and have unique experiences when it comes to sex and pleasure, so with that in mind, I have designed each day to be as inclusive as possible.  Whatever your orientation, or relationship status, you will be able to participate in some way, every day.

How Do I Participate?

I will posting a daily task via Twitter (@booksSex) and Instagram (Beerlover_Boobowner).  I will be completing each task on my personal twitter account (@k_ghislaine) so you can see a daily example if you need.  Feel free to post photos, videos, type something out, or just like and share with your friends.   How you choose to participate is entirely up to you.  And yes, some will be very personal, and you may want to do privately rather than publicly (especially the weekly self love activities).  Whatever you choose, I truly hope you have fun, and have a few days that challenge you to think differently or pat yourself on the back for embracing what it truly means to live as a sex positive individual. 

If you do decide to post anything on social media please use #sexpositive30days so anyone participating can easily find your posts!

And while we gear up for May 1st, and the start of the #SexPositive30Days, let us all Check-In!  How are you doing?

Side Note

The goal of this challenge is to be fun, educational, and continue to grow and expand the sex positive community with ethical and incredible humans. If you are enjoying this, and want to participate in future activities please consider liking, sharing, and if you feel so inclined check out my Patreon.  I have a created a tier where you can drop in, leave a small tip, and maybe see a few bonus entries.  Don’t forget, the success of this challenge is completely in your hands! 

Thank you all!  And good luck!

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Self Pleasure Challenge

    K Ghislaine

Aka My First Giveaway!

Self Pleasure Challenge

As 2019 comes to an end, I have come to value and understand the importance of self care, and the exploration of pushing myself outside of my comfort zone. Self care is amazing for my mental health, and pushing my limits brings adventure and meaning to my life. With that in mind, I wanted to find a fun way to share these life lessons, that of course I learned the hard way, with all of you. So I came up with a concept of the self pleasure challenge/giveaway with my incredible sponsor Betty’s Toy Box.

The rules are simple:

  1. Purchase a new item for self pleasure.  It doesn’t have to be through Betty’s Toy Box, but if you do, I can save you a little money and you support this blog (just type BreakingAway at checkout)
  2. Write down 2 or 3 words that best describe why you chose that toy or self pleasure product
  3. Take a picture of it in the box to share with me via Twitter (DM’s and private messages are open if you are not comfortable sharing publicly), or via Patreon
  4. Then Boom! I will enter your name into a draw to take place 6 weeks from now (January 28th, 2020), and you can win an actual item from Betty’s Toy Box (see dildo pictured above)!

This contest is designed so we can have some fun, try something new, and start 2020 on the best note possible. I will be sharing what I have learned and the exploration of my new toy (as pictured above) and I hope you do the same with me! Being sex positive is about more than just being comfortable talking about sex. It’s about sharing all the diverse ways that we can find pleasure and joy in our daily lives! So, are you up for the challenge?

Looking for an extra chance to win? All Patreon subscribers are automatically given one bonus entry, and of course the behind the scenes photos! So enjoy!

Fall is Upon Us Once Again

    K Ghislaine

So many people look forward to the springtime, the season of new beginnings and the much anticipated break from the winter.  I, on the other hand, look forward to fall.  Autumn is the season of change, growth and  exciting new beginnings.  Yes, I am biased because my birthday is a few weeks away, so of course this is the full circle for me.   But also, it is the time when a natural schedule sets in, either as a result of school starting or just the days getting shorter and a necessity to plan a bit better.  There is a rhythm that fall brings, a sense of stability after a summer full of random adventures.   Or in my case misadventures and unexplored opportunities.  Le sigh.

I keep telling myself that I will grab every new opportunity that comes my way.  To take the challenge of never saying no.  But my reality is, (if you read my last post I go into a bit more detail), that I am finally comfortable with my opinions.  I have spent years finding my voice, and when even the subtlest red flag presents itself it’s so hard to just ignore and choose adventure.  It’s such a double edged sword.  One that I am not sure how to reconcile.

As far as sexual adventures go, I am 100 percent on board if they involve my partner.  I want us to continue exploring as a team.  But all solo expeditions almost feel selfish right now.  Does that make any sense?  I want us to experience new people together and get to laugh and share stories as a united front.  I don’t want to put in the effort of building up new solo prospects that are just a bunch of going nowhere men.  I know, that sounds super jaded, but if you have seen the state of online dating recently, you may have an ounce of empathy for where I am coming from.  Men who have never heard of non-monogamy just want sex.  Men who have, are really, really difficult to find.  And it becomes too time consuming to even begin a conversation.

But, here I sit, writing with my favorite movie on in the background (Labyrinth) and fall is setting in.  It is the time for a shift in mentality, and perhaps even towards a more positive and hopeful one too.  A season of soft changes, and little waves of chillier weather.  As the leaves fall, perhaps my barriers will do the same.  Maybe there is something just incredible waiting for me under the next leaf pile…

Thank you so much for reading, liking and sharing.  If you would like to support my book, please subscribe to my Patreon page!

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