Recently I was faced with a choice, to respond to a person in the way that I would like to be responded to, or to do my standard joking, playful, and seemingly dismissive retort. Was that vague enough? OK, so a guy I was planning a date with, messaged that he was having a rough day and didn’t feel up to seeing me. Of course I was disappointed, but… and here’s the but… I was so shocked and ultimately impressed that this guy was able to tell me he was in a dark place, that I didn’t write my default message. In that moment, I realized that it was up to me, to take a step back, and really take stock of the situation. I have been putting out into the universe that I want men to be honest with me. And just like that, he was.
I have long been a believer in mental health days being just as crucial to our health as physical health days. Why do we have sick days, and not depressed days? It simply makes no sense. And as a person who knows good and bad days, why is it permissible that I bail on event because I have a cold, but not to say that I can barely get myself out of bed and dressed? For some reason we are expected to just rally, or what I think happens more often than not, lie or make up excuses for our absence. This, needs to stop.Don’t forget to take a break! And what better way than with some games or surveys that you can actually earn on. Use this link at sign up (affiliate)!
Yes, it is completely valid to feel bummed when someone can’t make it out to see you. However, it is important to reflect on the strength of character it takes a person to just send that text, especially when they are feeling too low to move. Remember, our emotions are valid!
This brings me to another shocking revelation about myself. OK, fine, something that I should come to terms with. I have consistently created a safe space for my dearest friends. We can openly talk about our bad days, and remind each other to drink water, get some vitamin D, let it out, and stretch or move. Yeah, I have some pretty incredible souls in my life. That being said, I have not formed the same bonds with men. In my mind, I know I am open minded, and empathetic to almost all things. But, have I articulated that? Have I ever lead by example? Do I properly communicate that my space is a safe and understanding space? Definitively not… especially at first. I tend to keep my emotions to myself. And I think, if I’m being honest, I have created a double standard between friends and lovers. I seem to hold lovers to a higher standard of openness without putting the work in myself. So yay, opportunity areas right??? Ugh… So many things to work on and improve. Self improvement just never ends does it?
I don’t know when too soon is to be open and vulnerable, so there will be mistakes made. My hope is, that I can continue what just felt right the other day. Acknowledging that there will be good and bad day, and I want to be with people who understand that. Create the spaces you want to be in yourself. Stop this whole double standard thing whereby my friends can get away with so much more than the men in my life can. I can do this!
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