Category: Fantasy

Hope: It Excites the Fantasies

    K Ghislaine
Hope and Fantasies

Being in a good dating state of mind is the foundation of my non-monogamous dating and relationship coaching.  And if you have been following along in the last few years, you may have noticed that I took a step back when it came to dating, because I recognized that I was in a bad state of mind.  I had lost something very dear to me, and that was hope.  And as a result, I took a step back, and focused on healing, and basically tackling only those things that were already within my grasp.  I took the time to rebuild my own confidence, and sort a few things out.  In essence, I put myself into survival mode.  And then, with the help of therapy, an incredible network of friends, and my partner I slowly found my inner strength again.

But when I had just accepted that this was my life now, something miraculous happened, I found a glimmer of hope.  Without realizing it, that had been what I stopped believing in.  I shut the part of me down that was the eternal optimist, and just lived for the few moments that fueled me.  Slowly those moments grew into hours, then a full day, and then a few days at a time.  And suddenly, I felt my confidence and power come back.  It wasn’t the goal.  But it was a delightful result.  And, as an added bonus, my sexual fantasies, and erotic imagination are starting to rebuild as well.

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Over the past few years, I have started dabbling in erotica writing, and honestly, it was a muscle that felt incredible to finally put down on paper.  But it always felt a little out of my grasp.  If inspiration struck, I would have to drop everything and write that specific fantasy down.  It was not something that I had any control over.  And what’s worse, is that the fantasies, were so far beyond what I had experienced in person that they actually made me a little sad.  Here were sexy interludes, crisscrossing my brain, but fully intangible.  And yes, I know that many erotica writers are primarily doing so in the fiction realm, but what I wanted to write, I also want as a real part of my life.  And well, without hope, I buried that, deep into the depths of my imagination. 

I actually did something that I learned as a very young girl, and that was to compartmentalize.  But here I sit, with a growing clarity and a slowing re-merging confidence realizing that these fantasies could become realities.  And if I was brave enough to take some action… wow!  Would I ever be in for some fun times and sexy adventures.  I am flushed just thinking of the possibilities.  Of putting down the guard that always says no, until I have weighed out all the pros and cons, and just opening up, a little bit more than I have in the past. 

And finally, just writing this post, my brain has been awash with a few percolating fantasies.  While the majority will simply exist on paper, there are a few that I might try and make reality.  And that is both terrifying and deeply erotic.  It is a place I want to grow more comfortable with exploring, and all of that was made possible by the tiny little word… hope.

If you’re curious what fantasies I am working on, check out my Patreon page for the latest!

Struggling with Bi-Curious Curiosity

    K Ghislaine
Clarity from Yoga

I really want to start talking about being bi-curious and non-monogamous a bit more, but I am struggling to do so.  Why is that?  Two-fold.  I am not prepared for the creepy backlash, and I am terrified of kissing a girl and not liking it.  What if the fantasy doesn’t meet up to the expectation?  Then what?  Am I now one of those women who became a cock tease (or the equivalent non gender specific)?  And what if I do like it? Am I suddenly expected to hook every partner up with threesomes?  Is my intimacy now on public display?  It is overwhelming all the cons, and basically, it is because of how men have conditioned me.  And I take full responsibility for that, I am an adult after all.  But any sort of female exploration has always come with “can I watch?”  “Can you bring her home” “this can be our treat” or any other exploitative things I have heard over my many sexual years.  Why the fuck would my exploration have to include anyone else?  And further, why do men constantly ask the most invasive questions?  Do they not know how it makes us feel, how it makes me feel?  How it destroys us, little by little?

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No, they don’t.  Because we don’t tell them.  And if by the off chance we have had enough, and do, then we are bitches and worse.  Men and women struggle to communicate because men push too hard, and women fold too often.  But I digress, with all the cons, there is a real struggle, in that, I don’t know if I am ready to go on a date with a woman.  What can I offer her?  My confusion?  My trepidation?  My insecurities?  I know first hand that that is not attractive!  And it does not lend well to small talk, necessary to going out on that first date.  Women are bolder online than they are in person (huge generalization but based on personal experience).  A female will ask straight up, what are your intentions online.  And I balk at my answer, of, I don’t have a clue.  I don’t want to waste anyone’s time, but I also want to get out there and see.

Will writing this post get me out there?  I have no clue.  Has it helped me solidify what I want?  Not even close.  This was simply putting out into the universe that I am currently confused.  I am searching for something, but don’t quite know what that is.  I love the idea of dating couples with my partner, but the reality is that is lacking right now.  So, do I venture out there, alone?  I ponder this, as I slowly sip my beer and write more erotica than ever before…

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Flexing My Erotic and Fantasy Writing Muscles

    K Ghislaine
Breaking Away After Dark

If you read my post about nudity in nature, you should be up to speed on how stressful and intense my life has been.  With that said, as I am coming back to balance in my life, and am better equipped to handle the day to day stresses, something sexy and surprising awoke in me.  And that was a little fiction erotic fantasy writing.  It’s a genre of work that I have never even allowed my brain to think about, or at least nothing beyond a paragraph or two.  I love non-fiction and it’s primarily what I read and write, but as it turns out, dabbling in the creative has been incredibly cathartic for me, and my libido too.

There is something so sexy and freeing about allowing your brain to fantasize about a new situation, and then actually putting that fantasy into the written word.  It takes on a whole new shape and form, and then screams out to me to just let go and experience it.  The first 2 pieces felt like they were already fully formed in my brain and desperately needed to get out.  While the third one, felt more like I was creating it on the spot, in the heat of an incredible moment while I was alone, typing in the woods. 

As I type this post, I feel drawn to typing more erotic shorts, and it’s like there is this intense creative and sexual tension in me, just bursting to get out.  I am not sure where this type of writing will lead me, but I am very excited to explore it.  I will leave you with a public excerpt of the first one I wrote, and put the rest under my Patreon for the time being.  Again, this is a brand new medium for me, and I hope you enjoy exploring it as much as I do.  I have no idea what frequency I will be typing them out, but if you’re interested in this type of writing and want to have something drafted up that is a little more personal to you, drop me a line, and we can talk about it further.

I hope you enjoy this little tease from Breaking Away After Dark…

Longing

Here we sit across from each other, in the sunshine of a busy patio.  Beers in hand, smiles, and a conversational flow that most people envy.  Our legs nearly touch under the table.  I can feel the warmth of that not quite innocent knee touch, and my face flushes at the thought.  We are so close, surrounded by strangers, who know nothing of our situation.  We laugh, chide each other on, sipping our beer just a little too fast.  And then, I make a move.  The first move since that incredibly drunken night of flirtatious delight.  I reach across and touch your arm as I go for my beer.  You don’t pull away. 

Instead you lock eyes, and smile that devilishly crooked smile.  I flush deeper this time.  Shocked at my brazenness, and relieved that you didn’t pull away. 

But now what comes next?  For you see, I know that you are married, and you know that I am in an open relationship.  We have discussed where we are, but not where we are going.  Are we to remain locked forever in this flirtatious tease?  I playfully touch, and you remain confident and steadfast.  You are certain I won’t cross any lines.  You trust me.  And I sigh. That deep longing sigh, that is almost audible to the patrons around us…. 

To read the rest of part i of my non-monogamous fantasy, please check out my Patreon.

Reader Feedback: Sex Positive, Breaking Away, Fantasies, and More

    K Ghislaine
Reader Feedback Time: Sex Positive

Over the past few weeks, I have been branching out my writing, podcasting, and now I need a little bit of help.  Some of you have been reading since the very beginning of this blog, while some of you are very new, or just occasional readers.  So, no matter how you happen upon this little post, your feedback, and input are equally important.

Breaking Away From Monogamy

Firstly, this blog has and will remain about my random thoughts on everything to do with relationships, non-monogamy, and all subject matters that relate to sex positivity.  But further to that, I have developed a sex positive podcast, currently called BreakingAway.  In this, my aim to is talk about all subject matter related to being sex positive, sex education, and exploring other people’s relationships and why they are a part of this incredible sex positive community.  So, in the comments section, are there any topics that you would like me to explore?  What burning questions do you have that you would love to hear me talk about? 

Fantasy Writing

Second up, if you follow me on twitter, you may have noticed that I have begun to write a few erotic fantasies.  So, dear readers, where would the best fit be for me to post these?  A few suggestions would be a teaser called blog after dark, whereby I write the first part, and then the second for any Patreon fans who want to read more.  Or another suggestion would be for me to add an audio component to my Patreon and actually read a few of these for anyone who wants to read them.  I have a few reasons for not wanting this erotic writing to just be free on my blog, is the subject matter.  If my website gets flagged for erotica or porn, then I will have major hurdles to deal with when it comes to the branding of it.  There are so many new rules right now for the word porn, sex, etc. and really, I just don’t want to have to censor myself.  And making these posts public, would mean I have to.   So what are your thoughts?  How would you want to consume my non-monogamous fantasy shorts?  Please write in the comments.

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Non-Monogamous Relationship Coaching

Third, is my dating and relationship coaching website.  I have been toying with the idea of shutting this down altogether and bringing a few tabs over onto my main blog page breakingawayfrommonogamy.  While this would save me a bit of money, ultimately, the majority of you have asked me to keep it separate.  So, if you are looking for book reviews, recommendations, non-monogamous dating or relationships coaching I do have a separate website that you can reach me at breakingawayfromrelationshipnorms.com.  I have had so many people reach out to me over the years, that it would be a shame to shut down that resource side and that is not what I want to do.  I want to be available to help, answer questions, and basically remain a resource.  So if you are curious, please feel to reach out to me there, and we can discuss the next steps.

Sex Positive Books and Blogs

Fourth and final thought.  Earlier this summer, I announced my newest website which is sex positive books and blogs.  The hope was for this to be a resource centre for people to explore media related to being sex positive.  I have reached out to a few contributors to share their books, blogs, podcasts, etc and the response has been amazing so far. For my end, it has been a matter of finding the time to ensure that I am promoting and placing your amazing contributions in an easy to use place.  This is still a go, but it will take a bit more time before I make it active.  So thank you, and please stay tuned on the Twitter news feed for my next announcement.

Contact Me or Comment Below

So, that about summarizes my questions for you.  I would love for you to comment, and share your thoughts and ideas about where you want what, and how you best enjoy consuming your sex positive content!  If you do feel uncertain about posting publicly, you may also DM or e-mail me.  The only caveat if you don’t want to make it public, is that I would ask is you please like this post on whatever social media you see it on so I can get the most feedback possible and best plan for the fall.

Cheers!

Krys

Expressing My Fantasies

    K Ghislaine


I suppose after all this time writing a Sex and Open Relationship blog, I should touch on the subject of fantasies, after all, it is one of the few things that makes sense to people looking into non-monogamy.  The ability to actually live out a few of your fantasies or sexual desires within the ethics of your relationship is an amazing benefit.  When I had my first MFM, I could not stop blushing about it for weeks, maybe even months.  The ability to have such a hot experience with my partner, and be able to share the delightful aftershocks together is just an enormous turn on.  Even now, years later, I am blushing just writing about it.  But as I wrote before, talking about fantasies is surprisingly more difficult for me being open, than it was in monogamy.  Full disclosure, my aim in sharing the reasons why in more detail, are primarily selfish.  By writing about it, I want to explore why I still feel reluctance to share my fantasies with my partner.  By doing so, I want to fully understand my hesitation, become more confident, and leave behind my hangups behind me.  This tactic is why I started blogging in the first place and it has made a very positive impact on my emotional awareness and self improvement.  So here in no particular order are a few areas that I have been brainstorming over the past little while that may attribute to my lack of fantasy expression.
In my mind, I play out sexual fantasies all the time.  However, I have trouble articulating them to my partner due to the incredibly high level of involvement of the scene setting.  I plan the emotion, the meeting, the people involved and then the seduction (for an example), or the chance sexual tryst that occurs.  These sexy scenarios work for me, because of the emotional involvement I invest in the set up.  The creative juices get flowing as freely as my sexual imagination.  Maybe one day I will write out a few of them and test the waters with some fiction writing, but for now they are stuck in my head and they just give me great pleasure.  But as a result of the planning, I find it really difficult to tell the tale out loud with a partner.  So up until this point they have remained my internal porn channel, for my mind only and I haven’t been asked to share unless E is on vacation. 
With that being said, now that we are heavily invested in exploring couples and the lifestyle, the subject of fantasies is starting to come up with a little more frequency.  For example, a simple, what would you like to happen on the weekend with this new couple?  And it should be a sexy and straightforward reply on my part, and yet I struggle with an answer.  If I had ever come away from a sexual encounter with my partner and thought the words, “aw, I really wish such and such had happened, that would have made the experience so much hotter”, then maybe I would be better equipped to answer.  But the fact remains, I love sex with my partner, and I love the sexual adventures we go on.  I am not a lady who pines for something to happen.  Rather, an idea pops in my head and I either make it happen or I don’t.  I wanted to explore couples and lots of hands, and that is exactly what we are doing.  I walk away fully satisfied so I don’t always think to ask for more.  I get off pleasing other people, and knowing that they are pleasing me.  I just don’t struggle with having any needs met, so there is not a whole lot of necessity for a huge wants list.  Again, I am just working through all my thoughts on the subject and why I don’t express my fantasies.
Another point that I feel I should mention is that I have hated being let down by myself and others for so long that I rarely set myself up to fail.  I have pretty much removed failure from my life.  Every experience is a learning one, a building block, a new memory or hot adventure.  Nothing is a waste or a loss anymore.  I have had far to much of that in my young life, and have completely re-framed that side of my brain.  So having the confidence that I will thoroughly enjoy my new experience takes away a little bit of the need to set fantasy goals or expectations.  Does that make any sense? I guess what am saying is I enjoy the moment, and if I put too much expectation on someone else fulfilling a fantasy my focus might shift from thoroughly enjoying the experience to one that could open me up to disappointment?  But I suppose that is part of the charm of dating couples and not just swinging, if something doesn’t happen the first time, it is not like it will be the one and only.
And the final point that I think I need to reiterate from the linked post is that being in an open relationship, I sometimes feel like the safety blanket is gone.  In monogamy, I could freely express fantasies because there was almost no chance of them coming true, unless we role -played or got really inventive, either way, there was a bubble of what we could experience so you could fantasize about anything and knew that you could only achieve things within your two person self.  In my relationship norm, I know I can ask for the moon, and sometimes I can actually get it.  But I’m not always sure that I will want it.  Sometimes fantasies are just that, and I like them that way.  Locked away, safe, warm, and that pleasant smile they bring from time to time. 

But are these reasons valid that hold me back?  That keep my mouth shut, and trapped inside my head?  Maybe, it’s time to start actually exploring the fantasies, get a little brave, and who knows I might love exploring them.  I haven’t been disappointed yet in my adventures… Well there you have it, I feel more confident already and have written and sent a sexy little tease of an e-mail to my partner.  The beginnings of learning to better express myself and accepting that fantasies do not have to be big and scary.