Being in a good dating state of mind is the foundation of my non-monogamous dating and relationship coaching. And if you have been following along in the last few years, you may have noticed that I took a step back when it came to dating, because I recognized that I was in a bad state of mind. I had lost something very dear to me, and that was hope. And as a result, I took a step back, and focused on healing, and basically tackling only those things that were already within my grasp. I took the time to rebuild my own confidence, and sort a few things out. In essence, I put myself into survival mode. And then, with the help of therapy, an incredible network of friends, and my partner I slowly found my inner strength again.
But when I had just accepted that this was my life now, something miraculous happened, I found a glimmer of hope. Without realizing it, that had been what I stopped believing in. I shut the part of me down that was the eternal optimist, and just lived for the few moments that fueled me. Slowly those moments grew into hours, then a full day, and then a few days at a time. And suddenly, I felt my confidence and power come back. It wasn’t the goal. But it was a delightful result. And, as an added bonus, my sexual fantasies, and erotic imagination are starting to rebuild as well.
Over the past few years, I have started dabbling in erotica writing, and honestly, it was a muscle that felt incredible to finally put down on paper. But it always felt a little out of my grasp. If inspiration struck, I would have to drop everything and write that specific fantasy down. It was not something that I had any control over. And what’s worse, is that the fantasies, were so far beyond what I had experienced in person that they actually made me a little sad. Here were sexy interludes, crisscrossing my brain, but fully intangible. And yes, I know that many erotica writers are primarily doing so in the fiction realm, but what I wanted to write, I also want as a real part of my life. And well, without hope, I buried that, deep into the depths of my imagination.
I actually did something that I learned as a very young girl, and that was to compartmentalize. But here I sit, with a growing clarity and a slowing re-merging confidence realizing that these fantasies could become realities. And if I was brave enough to take some action… wow! Would I ever be in for some fun times and sexy adventures. I am flushed just thinking of the possibilities. Of putting down the guard that always says no, until I have weighed out all the pros and cons, and just opening up, a little bit more than I have in the past.
And finally, just writing this post, my brain has been awash with a few percolating fantasies. While the majority will simply exist on paper, there are a few that I might try and make reality. And that is both terrifying and deeply erotic. It is a place I want to grow more comfortable with exploring, and all of that was made possible by the tiny little word… hope.
If you’re curious what fantasies I am working on, check out my Patreon page for the latest!