Halloween 2020

Eve Looking for Her Adam

I originally called this piece my Halloween lament. After a great night’s sleep, I awoke with fresh perspective, and what I hope will be a tear free day. Halloween has always been my favourite holiday and if you search the sidebar of this blog with Halloween, you will see tonnes of posts celebrating it, and a few costumes as well. Obviously this year is 2020, so of course we cannot have nice things like a vanilla costume party, followed by the more riske and sexier one at a swing club.  So, here I find myself with no choice but to join the masses and get dressed up for myself, and my virtual audience on this Halloween 2020.  The new normal!

While dressing up is amazing and I am glad I get to share my costume with anyone who dares to read this, I am struck with a nagging emotion I can’t quite shake, I’m lonely. And Halloween has historically been the time of year that I upstart my social calendar. Because I am chasing every costume party I can find, I also get to meet a wide variety of people. I have always made new friends, and the occasional sexy connection as a result of using costumes as an ice breaker. As we all know, that is not an option this year. Instead, I am staying comfortably within my little bubble of amazing friends and doing the most low key Halloween to date. One small gathering, with no new faces, and the realization that there will be no new faces for a long long time.

I have had more than a few people ask me how I could possibly feel so lonely because I am non-monogamous, so clearly I must have a rolodex (OK, only I still use that word) full of fine men just waiting for me to reach out. And let me tell you something, I don’t. For better or for worse, I have never felt comfortable just keeping people around “in-case” I need them. And with my life getting flipped upside down the past few years, I stopped putting any effort into meeting anyone new. I just wasn’t feeling whole, or sexy, or emotionally willing to get to know anyone. So, to use a phrase from ELByrne, I find myself with an empty funnel, and more disastrous, during my favourite holiday to meet new people.

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This year, when Halloween is over, I am going to feel the drop. That weird realization of sitting on my couch, finishing off my candy, too scared to watch horror movies by myself, and wishing that things were different. Wishing that 2020 had just never happened, and that I could just go back to dancing the night away, mingling, flirting, and looking optimistically at my new contacts the following morning. But, it is 2020, and pretending it’s not won’t change a thing.

So, here I am, dressed up all by my lonesome, drinking a beer, and taking all the photos (NSFW are up on Patreon). Because this is what really happens when I find myself with nothing but time, and a huge emotional void to fill. Le sigh… Trying to make the most out of this Halloween is tough, but I’m sure I will look back upon it, as a minor roadblock on the way to something amazing.  Right?

Halloween: All Year Round

As Halloween approaches, so does the sexism narrative.  Our sexy little sirens come out to play, and the costumes get tighter and skimpier year by year.  As you may well know based on previous posts I approve wholeheartedly with this trend.  Why?  Freedom of expression.  If a lady wants to feel sexy, then she gets to.  If a woman wants to show off her goods, then fantastic.  If anyone needs a holiday in order to dress up, to show a side that they keep hidden most of the year, then this is the perfect time to do so.

I have taken things a few steps further; “I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach”, Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol.  Swap out Christmas for Halloween and boom, there you have my mindset.  I have taken off the masks that Halloween has afforded me, and thrive to live the same way all year round.  If I want to dress up, I do so.  If I want to play the siren for a night, I do.  If I want to show off my body, I do it.  This holiday, truly has become my favorite, as it allowed me to explore a different side of my sexuality safely, and I proudly have expanded this to all the days of the year.

I have taken the lessons that Halloween and dressing up have afforded me, and I have incorporated them into my daily life.  I am freer, because of this holiday. I am less afraid of nudity or even of my own body because I was able to dress up.  To try on different masks and personalities, and with a little liquid courage now and again, I live the person that I want to be, right now.  I am present.


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Now boys, if you want to start joining in the trend of tighter fitting clothes or showing off some muscles during the Halloween season too, then yay.  I am all for equality of the sexes.  Let’s make this a season of sexiness, confidence, and taking a moment to step outside of your shell.  Confidence in numbers, and all that jazz.  Let’s make a movement to live with sexual confidence and positive vibes with or without a costume.  No slut shaming, or judgement.  Just freedom of expression, thought and voice.  And of course tricks and treats whenever the need or want should arise.

If you want a sneak peak to this years sexy costume, check out my gallery!

The Halloween Siren

I love dressing up!  I also love meeting new people and socializing.  Halloween house parties are the perfect place to do this, and I am lucky to say for the past two years I have gone to the same house party in which I only know the people I arrive with.  This may be intimidating to some, however for me it has become quite exciting and interesting.  I show up, with bare ass (part of my costume of course!) to dance, drink, and mingle with a group of people I have no clue what they look like without makeup.  This year, there was an added element in that E was not able to attend due to work.  So, here I am, a completely unknown lady in a devil suit with an open butt flap, partying with strangers.
5 years ago, had I been in the situation I would not have left the wall.  I would have held my drink firmly in my hand, waiting for people to approach me, well, until the level of booze rid me of my inhibitions.  I would have been nervous and intimidated that all these people knew each other around me, and were judging this person who showed up to invade their little clique.  And please do not get me wrong, I do know that these people do still exist, in fact I had one lady at the party imply just that to me.  And the thing is, it really did not matter to me.  I was not crushed, or insecure when I was told that me showing up alone with a bare ass two years in a row may be a sign that I have some sort of psychological issue that needs to be resolved or at least dealt with.  It actually barely phased me, aside from me having a good laugh and continuing to have a fantastic time at the party.  The thing I feared so much for so long, was really no big deal when it finally happened.


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I should clarify that I was never the wallflower for long.  Once I got my stride or booze, was comfortable in my surroundings then I was ready to socialize.  And this party was no different.  It takes a moment or two to acquaint yourself with a new place, get a vibe and figure out what part of the room to begin with.  Also to make the big decision of whether undoing the buttons on your buttflap is actually party appropriate and if in the end it really matters.  Obviously the buttons were undone right after I poured my first drink.  And I must say, although I truly missed having E at the party along side me, I was perfectly comfortable and confident to walk around complete strangers, making conversation and dancing with my butt hanging out.  Hmm, maybe I am really focused on my tushie and should look into the reason why?  I jest of course.
What I found surprising was that I, being the stranger, had confidence, whereas this group of people who presumably knew each other, displayed moments of insecurity and outright jealousy over a few of my actions or just my presence there.  Last year with E by my side, I was slapped on the ass, congratulated for showing it off, and told if you’ve got it flaunt it.  All by confident and happy women.
This year, there was a bit of that, however it was over shadowed by distrust obviously fuelled by me being alone.  I counted 6 separate times that people came up to me, to ensure that I knew and was not embarrassed that my ass was hanging out.  Various reactions occurred when I replied that of course I knew and that was what a butt flap was for.  I even went so far as to tell one lady that I was taking pictures for my boyfriend, yeah it did nothing to improve her mood.  Most surprising though, was the women who interrupted when I was talking to their significant others and then would take them away.  I felt like the siren at the party.  Being typecast as that chick every woman must keep their eye on and protect their men because of my devilish ways.  Honestly, I have not felt that feeling in such a long time, I had forgotten the steps I usually try and take to prevent any distrust and put people at ease.  Which oddly turned out to be a good thing.  It is not my job to protect the feelings of every person in the room.  And that it is ok to polarize people at a party by being myself.  I have grown from the desire to win over a room, to just being myself, even if I was being a little bit of a siren, or just being a devil.
Wanna see all my behind the scenes photos?  Check out my photo gallery today!

Acting Single, or Not

An aspect of my life that I have altered in the past few years is how I interact with people when I first meet them, and admittedly this is still a work in progress.  I used to come off as cold when I first met someone.  This was followed up very quickly with some story about my boyfriend to ensure either male or females alike were aware I was not single.  For males, in my mind it told them that I was not looking to hook up, which of course solidified the coldness vibe.  And for females, this told them that I was happy, which turned out to just be cold again, and a little bit of a bitchy brag.  Yes, I was that girl and naturally it stemmed from insecurities.  I had no ability to handle myself as a single girl out on the town so I shut down every new possibility to meet anyone new, friendship or otherwise. 
Here is a funny/strange story which very eloquently shows just how cold I was to new people, and missed out on an actual opportunity.  It was Halloween of 2003 or 2004 ish, and I was out at the bar with a bunch of friends and a few girls that I did not know that well.  Ariel (redhead I did not know, aptly named for her Halloween costume) came up to me and tried to chat.  I pulled my whole insecure vibe, said I was not single, pointed to my boyfriend and just shut the girl right down.  I was cold, and in retrospect pretty mean considering that she did not know many people there, however despite that I showed my true insecure colours.  Here’s where it gets interesting.  One of my dear girlfriends was there and treated Ariel a lot kinder than I.  The two had a few drinks together, danced a bit, and then bam!  Ariel pulled my girlfriend up in front of me, started grinding her, and then kissed her.  Right in front of me, as a sort of rub in my nose just how much of a loser/bitch I had been to her.  And I received that message loud and clear, and have not forgotten it to this day.  On a side note, she would work very hard to hit on my boyfriend over the next few meetings, but she always did it right in front of me.  I provided the perfect challenge, and opportunity for her.  I tip my hat to her, as honestly it was one moment in my life I truly regret.  That drunken kiss at a bar, with a hot chick, just to say I did. 
I do not like living my life knowing that there are missed opportunities like that.  Also, and much less selfishly, treating people coldly when I first meet them is completely unnecessary.  With insecurities consciously addressed, I find when I meet people now I rarely use the juvenile methods of my past.  I do not bring up my relationship status right away.  Instead I try and get to know each individual as a person, have a few laughs, and let them get to know me.  Approaching new people as individuals is a skill set that I utilize in interviews, meeting peoples families for the first time and all the awkward firsts that have arisen.  I no longer use the crutch of acting single or committed.  I just act as myself and meet people on a real basis.  And of course the unmentionable is, that if I do find myself single in the future, I will not go through the whole “how do I act single again” quandary.  I will act now, as I do then, proud, confident and with the intention of always getting to know new and interesting people for who they are, and not based on their partner or relationship status.  

Halloween Sluts Are Good… In Adult Form

Our society is repressed when it comes to sex, and because of that repression we become confused as to what is actually appropriate or not.  I fully endorse slutting it up for Halloween.  I think adults going out and playing, flirting and basically shedding inhibitions is important for a multitude of reasons including the very simple that it just feels great.  As I have written before, I am also fortunate to live in a city with a secondary event where sexual repression is shed and that is during our Calgary Stampede.   These are great events where the inner slut can come to play in a more public forum, shedding inhibitions with little to no judgement.  However, we have made a small mistake in our quest for fun, and that is in not keeping the sluttiness for adults alone.

Sex is for adults, sexual behavior is for adults, sluts are for adults.  Short skirts, knee high socks and mocked cleavage are not appropriate for our children.  I have heard a couple of times Dan Savage tearing strips out of parents who are trying to be GGG (good, giving and game) when it comes to raising children.  And guess what?  This is not appropriate behavior.  Dressing your children up to show excess skin, or to display sex appeal is not the way to show your sexual openness.  It is outright crazy.  Adult behavior and actions are for adults and not for our children.  I cannot see any well rounded parent handing their 8 year old a joint and saying here, just a taste.  And yet when I go to costume shops I see an endless array of slutty, tight fitting costumes for girls ages 8 and up.  The manufacturers produce these because there is a demand, and I am perplexed as to why there could possibly be any demand at all.

I would love to blame the media for having sexy toys, and young teens wearing make up on TV, but let us be realistic, even though there may well be greater access to a sexualized market the young teenagers are not spending their own money in obtaining these items.  My mom paid for my costume and that meant that she had a say in what I dressed up as, and let me tell you, she was focused on me being warm and not on encouraging me to slut it up.  Parents need to stop being such pussies when it comes to their kids, to put their foot down and not allow their children to wear costumes that are intended for adults.  I recall being really impressed by costumes that were handmade, or looked unique.  I would never have been impressed if one of my friends was wearing high heels and a short skirt thereby slowing us down in the quest for candy.  Plus you are going door to door, the very first social networking game.  Just as you mentally remember the good and bad candy houses for next year, the candy givers also remember the costumes and creativity, those got the extra handful.  If your costume makes that person uncomfortable the amount of candy you are going to receive is decreased. 

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Bottom line is that children do not need to dress slutty for Halloween.  Leave the sluts for adults, and allow the little trick or treaters to enjoy their childhoods free of the stresses that sex brings.  Although this has become an adult holiday for many of us, keep in mind that it is the season of candy for our next generation.  We need to respect that, and not encourage inappropriate lines to be crossed when it comes to their costumes.  
And if you want to see this years Halloween costume check out my gallery!