So, it seems to me like my biological clock and my body are in cahoots to drive me absolutely mad. It’s as if, now that my body knows what pregnancy feels like, it has realized it’s true calling. And pregnant or not, I am inundated with symptoms. What fresh hell is this? Breasts doubling in size, right before my period and aching to high hell. The nausea, the exhaustion, and on my god the hormones!!! The fluctuations of it all are enough to drive a person insane. Is there a word for pre-pregnancy baby brain?
Perhaps I should be grateful that for the majority of my life, periods were a mere blip on my radar. Well let me tell you, my body is absolutely making up for lost time. Every time it realizes that I am not pregnant it goes into full rebellion mode. And I am absolutely losing my mind, sanity, and whatever grace I have with people. But the person you should feel most compassion for is my dear partner taking this all like a champ.
To be clear, we were not trying (as of the original writing of this post), as my doctor wanted me to see a gynecologist to ensure everything was in working order, as a direct result of having two miscarriages in one year. So, the possibility of getting pregnant was extremely slim. But again, do you know who couldn’t hear that? My body and hormones. They do not care. My biological clock screams, and they respond with volatile mood swings, tears, and a sore and aching body.
No one warned me about this when we decided to start trying. It’s maddening! And it is exhausting. I am tired of being told we shouldn’t try for the moment, then given the green light, rinse and repeat. And perhaps my body is echoing my sentiment of annoyance. My body is not getting any younger, and those eggs won’t be viable forever. So could we stop with the issues please? I am in limbo, with my body swinging me back and forth between sanity, and whatever the hell my current mood is. I just want a bit of time to enjoy all the baby making fun. But clearly, my body does not agree, and has taken a firm stance that it needs to put me through the ringer, perhaps making sure that I really do want a baby. Ugh… hormones suck!!!
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