Category: Love

Love is Love is Love…

    K Ghislaine
A red decorative heart in a plant pot.

As I get further along in the writing of my second book, a reoccurring theme keeps popping up, that love is love. I know it sounds almost simplistic and you are probably nodding your head going, well of course it is. But it’s more than that, it is something that has to mean something that elicits a reaction, that someday will lead to real and radical change. And I don’t mean in a political sense, because the reality is, I have always felt politicians should stay out of my bedroom, especially seeing at their own track records are usually fairly scandalous. Even more-so in the files that are currently being released, but I don’t have to tell any of you that! In a world of social media hype, fear mongering, and the unfathomable times that people are trying to police other peoples bodies, I say proudly, we need more love and less hate.

Yes, it sounds simplistic, and it’s a message that has been spouted time and time again. Songs, chants, protests, poetry, and every type of medium have pondered this word… love. And yet, here we are, hating each other far more than we are loving those around us. The shift is painful, and I can only say from my perspective, it became overwhelming during Covid when we became separated from one another. And while we should have come back to an open society with arms wide open, hugging our friends and loved ones, that didn’t happen. Instead we tip toed back into the world, still fearful, uncertain, and let’s face it, angry.

The thing is these are things we know, we feel, we experience, in some form or another. We know we are angry, disappointed with the news, our leaders, the economy, and just the state of world in general. What we don’t know, is what to do about it. It feels insurmountable. Too many problems, and very few actionable items that will make a meaningful difference. And I’m right there with you. I have a much shorter fuse these days, getting bogged down with the news, and find myself taking more and more breaks from technology. Not because I want to, but because I feel I have to or I’ll scream! And I have been screaming. Here’s the thing though, time and time again the culprit is choosing hate over love. We are trying to control one another, take each other’s power, or climb some invisible ladder whereby person A is better than person B. And that’s a no from me. In a world with love we don’t have hate and judgement in the forefront of our brains.

Here’s a little recent rant I went on:

“When will the hate and judgement end? As a small child, I had hoped that if mixed babies were the norm one day we would all be purple and live in harmony. As an adult, I now know the error of this thinking, and believe a diversity of skin tones, and culture should be embraced and celebrated, not erased! The same is true for gender and relationship norms. Accepting differences is what makes us compassionate, and complete people. My views have grown, and expanded as I became more educated and met more people, really listening to their viewpoints. I hope this for the world. The hate needs to end. And people who hate, or think people are lesser as a result of their gender, age, or skin colour need to be held accountable. It’s not “love thy neighbor”, as there is little challenge loving someone who looks like you. It needs to be love diversity, differences, and the unique! Challenge your thinking and beliefs, especially when they do harm, or put you above someone else. I long for a world where my heart is filled with love, and not breaking for all the hate and intolerance around me. #loveislove” @k-ghislaine.bsky.social

As I research more and more in depth for my next book, the incredible diversity of relationships and mating habits of the animal kingdom, puts me in a state of awe. Diversity can and does strengthen whole populations, and that is what I am learning after I read about animal after animal. Evolution doesn’t stop because we impart our beliefs or biases on it. Life always finds a way, and I hope in some small way, this post is a reminder that we can choose love over hate. We can choose to support each other. We can stop feeding the fear mongering machine and put our dollars into the arts, gardens/nature, and any place that builds community. Money talks, and if we stop watching every single video telling us about all the bad going on, and start connecting in person, at small businesses, mom and pop venues, even just in nature we will be the start of change that will empower, rather than continue to make the rich and powerful, more rich and powerful.

Love is love is love…

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Week 18 & 19: Curiosity and Power

    K Ghislaine

The past few weeks have felt more turbulent than usual. While I always find myself in situations of high stress, I feel especially helpless as springtime is not re-charging me like in years past. As I worked to achieve the challenge of writing dialogue with curiosity prompted by Ann Patchett, I couldn’t focus. Try as I might, even with an extra week I couldn’t achieve something so simple, which disappoints me, as writing dialogue is a major opportunity area for me. But, my heart simply isn’t in it. I want my ability to write about other to improve, and gain depth, but no matter what I do right now, I cannot keep my mind still enough to expand a thought.

And then, I read the prompt on writing with power and almost broke down. What is my target audience? What do I hope that people will feel, think, or the ever elusive response to words that I have put out into the world? What is the aim, purpose, direction? What if my words one day did have impact on someone else, what then? Words have power, and have I been responsible with that? I have utilized my voice to build love, acceptance, and compassion? Have I done harm?

Of course I have done harm. I have judged, criticized and belittled people in my past. I have done harm, and hurt people, often without even realizing it. That’s not an excuse, but rather I know sometimes a passionate rant can seem insensitive. But in a world where we have words like snowflake, it’s nearly impossible not to offend at least one person. And that makes me sad.

I lived many years in someones shadow. Actually it was 2 people’s shadows at the same time. I spent years being criticized, and told that I simply wasn’t good enough. I walked on eggshells, striving to be perfect, and barring all that, just being someone who could be whatever they needed me to be. This worked for years, until one inevitable day, the man I was in “lust” with and my stepfather went to battle. It was over the control of me, but of course I didn’t know that. I had disillusioned myself to believe I was strong and independent. And that no one controlled me, but me. However, that was not the case.

It turned out that I had become a shell of myself. Stretching myself too thin, in order to please those domineering men around me, I collapsed both emotionally and physically. Why do I share this? Maybe it’s the start of the next bout of me being brave, and putting the pain into words. Maybe that is the next chapter in making my words powerful again, instead of letting myself be swallowed up in remorse and regret. And maybe, I’ll go back to the prompt about dialogue writing and curiosity and better be able to share what they were meant to bring out in my words.

My mind goes back to being a blurry mess of emotions, brought about by the truth that the real and genuine father figure in my life may in fact be mortal. A fact I have fought, and continue to fight. With power comes responsibility, and I hope my curiosity keeps me in check. That last line is for me, and for me alone.

Thank you all for allowing me the space to share and sort out this mess that’s in my head. And to those that follow on Patreon, well, you know how much I appreciate your support!

Let’s Talk About Baby Making

    K Ghislaine

Yes, It is Story Time… But Not Mine

I love the amount of people in my life who are so excited that my boyfriend and I are trying to start a family. It’s so supportive and amazing! I love you all for sharing in this journey with us, whether you are reading along, or sending me messages. And ultimately thank you all for basically giving us the go ahead to have sex, lots and lots of sex! It really means the world to me, and my libido! Oh, and I am pretty sure he enjoys it too. Again, thank you all!

We as a society are a fascinating people. It would be super weird for me to walk into a room and say, guess what everyone, I just had sex! OK, weird for most people, but possibly not me? I digress. If a person does that, the looks on peoples faces would be very mixed. And dare I say that most in the room would portray varying levels of discomfort, and disbelief. Where are those smelling salts? Bragging about intercourse… Bad. But, and here’s the butt, talk about baby making and the shift of emotions is palpable.

With growing frequency, I find myself telling people that we are trying, instead of horrified looks we are getting enthusiastic and happy responses. People are even excited at the prospect of us creating new life, offering words of encouragement, and at times tips and tricks. Not actual sex positions, but things to try to get your body ready, herbal remedies and advice in keeping those swimmers inside for the longest possible amounts of time. So yes, it turns out, the way to make sex talk permissible is to sugar coat with baby making intentions. Damn. If I had only known this sooner, I could have been so rich!

Take the title of this article for example. If I had used my original idea of Sex, but this time for procreation, the censors of social media would have limited its reach. But, to use the term baby making, I can override the naysayers and get this out there. Which is good, because I have a task for you readers at the end of this. Sex for pleasure is not something we can talk about in normal society, and well, that’s probably why I write about it so often. Censorship is not something I’m keen to observer. In fact, it’s one of my least favourite things, so I tend to mention sex, orgasms, and share nudity a lot (which you can access on my Patreon)! But let’s get back to this post.

Now, I’m sure you are wondering what point could I possibly be making. It’s just this, we as a society continue to be afraid to talk about sex, but when it comes to procreation, the most widely acceptable form of intercourse, then it is marginally better. I cannot think of any religion or society that does not encourage the act of penetration for the act of being fruitful and multiplying, and well, when you have faith on your side then you are golden. So now, I can finally say that I am joining the millions of people before me, saying, yes, I am ready to have lots and lots of unprotected sex with the love of my life because we are ready to create a new being in our images! Sex writing is suddenly encouraged, because we are doing it for sanctified reasons. Did I use that term right? It’s been a while since my Catholic school days.

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So thank you for the support in me having unprotected sex! I really appreciate it. But I need more than just support right now. I need your help and input. No no, not in that way. I have definitely have that part covered, sex is easy, especially when two people fit so well together. No, what I need from you is your stories, specifically I want to know your baby making stories, and all the details that made it special. Partly because I want to make sure we are doing the creation part right, and partly because, when else are you going to get this opportunity?

I’ve read that orgasmic sex is better for increasing the odds of conception. Is that true? I’ve also read that booze has helped a great number of people lower their stress levels, allowing their bodies to just go with the flow, so to speak. Did you drink the night you conceived? Was it just dumb luck? A one night stand with perfect conditions? Do you always get pregnant after eating certain foods? Or what about a particular position? What makes baby making happen in your world? I’ve also read about certain lubes helping. Or teas, or fertility specialists, or maybe you have no idea. That’s really interesting to me too, because the thing I have read the most, that it happened when you were least expecting it, and had stopped trying. So let’s talk about what you were doing to stop trying, yet still having what I assume was unprotected sex.

Either way, this is your time to shine. Feel free to message me privately and with your permission I will add to the comments section on your behalf keeping you anonymous. Or brag about it. That’s always awesome too. Come on people, let me read your stories for a change!

Best I’ve Ever Had

    K Ghislaine

In light of the change in direction of my blog, I think it’s prudent to begin this one with a little note, or disclaimer if you will. Sex, and making a baby go hand in hand, and thus, I will be doing what I do best, which is overshare, or to put it a little kinder, be real and raw. This post is a perfect example of that, and thus, me being true to myself, and putting the things out into the world that I want to, for better or for worse. I remain sex positive, while embracing all the experiences that brought me to this point in my life. So, with this little explanation firmly in place, I will continue to share my journey.

In my last post I am pretty sure I used the words “best sex of my life”, or maybe it was the post before that, or maybe I keep writing it because it’s true. Bu the more I have been thinking about it, the more weight that statement seems to have for me, and my relationship.  Yes, we absolutely fit each other damn near perfectly, and have incredible intimacy in and out of the bedroom.  So, of course I can brag that we are made for each other.  But, it’s actually far deeper than that.  I trust him with my body, and he trusts me with his.  And that is the element that sets what we have apart from anything I have experienced before.

I was previously with a man, who believed that he knew my body better than I did.  Further, he believed that he knew what I wanted, because he knew what every woman wanted.  This is tough to write, but with him, I gave up trying to argue or tell him what I wanted or needed, simply because he wouldn’t listen. Here’s an example, and admittedly, it’s difficult to just pick one as there are many!

I can orgasm from breast play, and because of that, I enjoy having my breasts touched and sucked in a certain way so I can have extra orgasms.  I explained this to the person in question, and he excitedly wanted to see it in action. So I coached him through it, we had a lot of fun, and then for inexplicable reasons, the next time we had sex, he reverted back to a move that did nothing for me.  In fact, it brought me a little discomfort.  I stopped him, told him I didn’t like that, and that it did nothing for me. His response? A bold, other woman have liked it! Followed by him stopping the sex in defiance, acting basically like I had ruined everything.

OK, fine, maybe I went about it to harshly, because admittedly, I am terrible at asking for what I want.  I would much rather people discover my body, and then we get to experience things together without words, and focus more on body language, and all the fun stuff in intimacy. 

So, the next time, I did just that, guiding his hands, and mouth in such a way that we both could see things were working.  Then boom, in the middle of things, he did the thing I had asked him not to do (which in case you are wondering is a hard tweak of my nipples). It was if he couldn’t help himself.  I was gutted.  This back and forth went on for months, of me stopping and moving his hands away, and him doing what he wanted because he liked it. Finally, I asked him to stop touching my breasts altogether.  And the odd thing was, he was fine with this.  If he couldn’t touch me the way he wanted to, he was OK with having none of it.

This is one of only many, many examples of me asking for things, which again, is something I feel very uncomfortable doing, and then being ignored, in fact told that my feelings were just wrong. I think, looking back, that is one the driving forces behind me being OK with non-monogamous exploration.  I saw it as a chance to get some sexual needs met.  I figured, if we were dating another couple it would be away to have a fresh start with people, and get to explore each other’s bodies, and I could finally be heard.  Unfortunately, the reality was often such a frenzied buildup of sexual tension that group sex, or sex with other people was more of a release. Followed by a long wait to see them again, with the sexual tension building up, rinse and repeat.  We never could quite get a stride going, whereby intimacy with people outside of us could grow, and I could get that side of my needs met. Even though I tried, so many times!

Now, enter in the man of my dreams, with every single cliché I hate and love at the same time. We listen to each other, and really want to please the other. The connection is mind blowing! And while we haven’t been together for decades, or even years, I can honestly say, he his the first person I have felt electricity with this far into things. Usually that wains, once the butterflies wear off, but with him, I still find myself catching my breath, or falling deeper in love. 

The foundation for how we talk about sex, and our intimate needs is firmly in place.  We’ve both made plenty of mistakes in past relationships, and instead of holding onto those grudges, we openly embrace the possibilities that we can create together (Ooph that phrase has a lot of extra meaning at this juncture).  And also, we satisfy each other.  No matter what, we are enough for each other.  And that is the key, my key.  That mystical thing that I was looking for all these years, and never quite found, until the day I realized to my delight that he might have been flirting with me. And when we slept together that first time, I knew that he was by far, the best I had ever had.

As promised, this post has a behind the scenes photo up on my Patreon! Or if you are looking for other way to support, why not take a look at some of my affiliate links on my home page? Thank you for the love and support, mostly though, for just reading.

Breaking Away: My Next Chapter

    K Ghislaine

Love, Sex, and What Comes Next

Love, Sex, and What Comes Next

There are so many things that society, or family dictate that you must keep a secret.  Your sex life for example, shall never be shared publicly.  So of course, I created a blog to explore and to ultimately better understand my last non-monogamous relationship.  It began as questions, and evolved into my stance that breaking away from taboos can be valuable, and sometimes even helpful to share.  Writing has given me clarity of purpose and is also how I best express myself, and find the answers to all of my many, many questions.  Sometimes I even stumble upon a snippet of wisdom or two, and I count myself lucky in that I’ve been fortunate enough to share with anyone who dares to read. Oh, and I may have finally finished my book… so stay tuned for details on that! But for this post let me get down to my next chapter brought to you by love, sex, and what comes next for me!

I am about to embark on a new sort of taboo and secret sharing, that is going to push me out of my comfort zone, yet again.  And that is this whole wanting a family thing.  Specifically, wanting children.  I am tearing up, simply writing those words, because there is a secret deep down, that I have felt necessary to keep to myself for quite some time.  And it’s hurt to do, almost as badly as the actual experience was, and that was my miscarriage early on this year.

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For those long time readers who are going, whoa!  I signed up to read about your experiences outside of monogamy, and not something so personal, such as loss.  And, at this point, I thank you so much for your support over the years, and completely understand you not wanting to continue.  For those who are still a little curious, as to what I can possibly be thinking right now, it is simply this; trying to have children is a subject that people are reluctant to talk about.  It is something that feels strange, and difficult to write about, or even talk about, and that is why, I know deep down, that I must.

Also, I have long touted myself as being sex positive.  And guess what?  One of the things that can result from sex, is procreation.  Thus, I don’t think this is a strange fit at all for this blog.  Sex is about pleasure, fun, love, and yes, sometimes even trying to create life.  I’m almost 40, financially stable, and have found the absolute love of my life.  And so, what better time than to try, fulfilling a dream I have had for decades, which is to be a mother. And yes, there can be no doubt that my biological clock is absolutely screaming at me to hurry up, before it gets too late, so hormones might play a little role too.

I have experienced so much when it comes to sexual exploration, as this blog can attest.  But the one thing, I have yet to experience is what sex is like, when two people who love each other, are trying to conceive.  I was trying to make that line cheesy and corny, but decided that blunt was the best.  When I accidentally got pregnant, I was horrified to realize the complete lack of reputable information for all the many questions that I had.  Yes, I am a sexual being, and yes, I want to continue to be a sexual being even when pregnant, but, above all, I want to do the right things, and ensure that I’m doing all the best things possible to ensure a healthy baby. And while this blog will never and can never serve to give medical advice, what it aims to do is share my experiences in an honest way.

I’m sure there are many people that don’t want to read about this journey, and that is absolutely alright with me.  But I know how many questions I had late last year when I found out, and how helpless I felt when everything went wrong.  I don’t think I am alone in that feeling, and as I have always said, if I can help just one person through my mistakes, and experiences, then all the vulnerability will be worth it.  My writing will remain raw, real, and yes, I will be talking about sex, this is me after all. So stay tuned, because I’m about to tackle something taboo, and write the secrets down that apparently you are not supposed to talk about. Love, Sex and what comes next!

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