Boy Free Zone… ?!?

Boy Free Zone

It’s been 2 months of living solo, and whether by design, necessity, or circumstance, my new place has turned into a boy free zone. And I am not quite sure how I feel about this. On the one hand, having a place where not one man has my address is completely freeing. And thus, it has become my sanctuary.  On the other hand, it’s tough to know for sure if this is due to me just not feeling anyone is worthy of coming over, or if I’ve just been holding out for that one special person. If you had asked me 5 years ago if I even thought there was just one special person, I would have said hell no!  We can have multiple, and thus, by extension, I should by now, have given my address to multiple men, living wildly in my free and single youth-ish? Yet, here I sit, in my boy free zone.

I’ve written a few times in my Medium articles about this idea that any relationship is valid, so long as you and your partner choose it.  And this, this is the relationship I want.  One that works for my partner and I.  One that we come up with together, suits our lifestyles, and brings both of us the highest possible level of joy. First though, I have to find that partner.  Wait… am I even doing this right?  Is this even a thing?  Am I once again, out on an ideological limb, forging a path in the most dense forest I can possibly find?

Now though, I am just not sure what I want in a long term relationship.  I know, for my regular readers you’ve seen my back and forth over the past few years, with my uncertainty becoming more and more prominent. And of course I know that that is not the way I am supposed to do things. As time goes on, I am supposed to gain clarity and a sense of what I want. But… and here is the big but… I am stuck with the idea that I must first discover who I want.  And that, will lead me to discover what type of relationship I will want to forge.

NoMoreWetSpot.com (Support this blog by purchasing an amazing waterproof blanket!)

Yeah, probably.  Because that seems to be what I do best.  Get an idea, then just run with it, headstrong and fancy free?!?  So, again that brings me to this whole “no boys allowed” thing. If I want a partner, and I want to forge my own path, why I am being so protective about my space?  Why am I not allowing boys to come on over?  Again, I find myself with more questions than answers, clinging to this hope that this will all work out for me.  It must, right?!?!

I have a year lease, so I hope that at some point over the next year, I get to write about actually having my first boy over!  Cause that would be pretty spectacular!  But, with my luck lately, I should probably not try and get too far ahead of myself.  Baby steps.  One little plan at a time.  For now, boy free is working, or I have just accepted that it is what it is. I do hope that special soul is out there, wanting to be the first one invited.  But my life continues to remain weird.

Beer money can be given to yours truly via my Patreon! And yes, there is a behind the scenes photo from this blog post on there… 🙂

Aftershocks, Butterflies, and NRE: A Deeper Dive

Musing about Aftershocks

Ok, let us delve a little deeper into this whole aftershock conversation.  One of the most surprising things to be brought up, is the correlation between aftershocks and NRE (new relationship energy). Now this is a fascinating rabbit hole that I am eager to go down.  I personally have always equated NRE with the butterflies and have written a few articles on how I adore chasing butterflies.  In fact, that is precisely what made non-monogamy so appealing to me. The idea of being in a solid relationship and not having to shut off the possibilities of experiencing butterflies with new people.

But what if what I was describing with sexual aftershocks has some sort of correlation with NRE?  Butterflies and NRE for me, have been this sheer blissful, shocking, happiness wave of new excitement.  Whereas with the aftershocks, it is entirely sexual in nature and is basically like little reminiscent orgasms when I experience a memory.  And the memory could be as far back as with my first relationship, or first time masturbating with a new toy, or the like. They are random and unexpected body sparking orgasmic memories. And yes, often it overlaps with NRE, or the butterflies, but I’m not positive that this is a correlation vs causation scenario.  It feels different to me somehow.

Earn points for surveys in your spare time (affiliate).

I get the butterfly feeling when I flirt, or see a cute face (or butt). But, cannot get that aftershock feeling unless there has been a physical connection. It’s like the release of stored or shared energy.   Haha… I’m really trying to explain this, and all I am doing is turning myself on!  I of course, want everything.  The sex, the aftershocks, the butterflies, and the NRE.  Yes, please universe, yes please!

Now, these are only my thoughts, based on my experience. Maybe I’m overlooking something. I really want to hear from you, and your thoughts. Where do you fall on this?  Have you had aftershocks? What is the experience like for you? Do you know any resources that discuss this? Let’s talk about this! 

If you want to support this blog, or check out the behind the scenes content, check out my Patreon!

Another New Year is Upon Us

30 Day Yoga Challenge

I went into the New Year with a strange optimism that things simply had to be better than they were last year. My actual New Years Eve was incredible, and if I’m honest, came as a complete surprise (no pun intended). And thus, I felt a confidence that this, in fact would be my best year yet.  Sitting here, 2 weeks in, I am not quite sure how I am feeling about anything.

One of my friends aptly pointed out that there is still plenty of time for the year to be an incredible turning point for us, and perhaps there is “just a bit of rubble and debris to clear away first!”.  I’m not sure quite how I ended up with such wise and amazing friends, but here I sit, re-reading that text over and over. Clearing out the remnants of last year, is so visceral and quite frankly a perfect way of describing this weird place I find myself in.

My solo Christmas was my time to fall back in love with my book. And I am proud to say that I am on draft 3!  It’s an accomplishment that I am so incredibly proud of, and yet, it is still so challenging to read, edit, and feel all the things that experienced in my last relationship. It just hasn’t gotten easier.  And I find myself inexplicably raw, and caught up in … just the feelings of it all.  Enter in my New Years commitment to Yoga and stretching as a daily practice.

I am committed to doing the 30 day yoga challenge, with the ultimate goal of having yoga just be my daily norm. There would be weeks at a time last year, where I was just too drained, busy, or unmotivated to move my body.  2022 has really been my year to change that. While there was one day, I did not complete my practice due to a complete emotional breakdown, I still put in a solid effort to do most of it. I don’t think I even came close to having this great a track record at any point of physical activity in the past.  After about 5 days in a row, my motivation wanes, or I tell myself that I deserve to take that break. Which, often turns into a cycle, and rarely is just one day off. 

Shockingly, to me anyways, I have written almost every day since just before Christmas. While, my publications have been a little less active, there is so much in the works, behind the scenes that I was actually a little shocked to see the date of my last blog post.  A Canadian sorry to all of those who have been waiting for updates on my life! Haha.  This year will be a continuation of growth, learning, and ultimately, completing some incredibly intense projects that I have on the go. My hopes of course are that my love life will finally come into fruition, but… if I’ve learned anything from last year, forcing anything is just not my reality.  All I can do is try, be authentic, and allow my heart to do what it does best (any guesses what that is?).

So to all of you, I truly hope you ended 2021 in good health, spirits, and with a optimistic outlook for 2022.  If we all work together, we can learn from past mistakes, and work towards a brighter, more amazing future!  Sending warm thoughts, and well wishes to all!

Cheers,

Krys

For all my writing updates, posts, behind the scenes photo’s, or just to keep the beer flowing, please check out my Patreon BreakingAway

Solo Road Trip Realizations

AKA – Road Trip Reset

BC is Beautiful Cont….

So, if you’re reading this, you have probably figured out that, yes, I in fact survived my solo road trip!  Woo hoo.  And, I am happy to report, it was wonderful, empowering, and all the things I needed it to be.  I slept alone in my car, I took lots of walks in nature with my dog, even more photos, and I drank some really great beer.  But something more important happened on this trip, I allowed myself a mental break from thinking about the men who are, just not quite in my life. And this was exactly what I needed to do, a road trip reset.

This trip was only about me being in nature, writing, and just driving on the open road.  At home, I have been feeling a strange pressure to find a man, settle down, and there is some sort of guilt in the fact that it is taking me so long to get the man I want.  But out there, in the mountains, I reset. It was a hard reset, and it freed my mind.  As an added bonus, I got my solo power back.  I accomplished the goal that took me two seasons to achieve, and that was this very road trip. I don’t like being held back by fear, or told that I cannot do something.  Two nights sleeping in the woods alone, proved to myself that I could in fact do all the things I want to.

Use Breakingaway at Betty’s Toy Box! (affiliate)

I rebuilt trust in myself to make good decisions, and have some adventures.  It was a win that I dearly needed.  And before anyone asks, there were absolutely zero temptations to meet up with anyone.  I actually enjoyed my own company, and for the first time probably this year, I didn’t feel lonely. I was in total control, and it was empowering.

I have tried the mantra of “enjoy the happy ride”, or just to go with the flow.  But ultimately, that is just not me.  I want what I want, and I am willing to try a number of different ways in order to achieve that goal.  I am responsible for my own happiness, and cannot let the empathic side of me overshadow what I want to accomplish.  To deny myself autonomy and the ability to fight for what I want, is to ignore who I am.  And for what? To hope someone else will care about my wants or needs?  F that!  Doing that, has brought me no joy.  I would rather a firm door slammed in my face, than continue to tread lightly. And by that I mean, just being me, with a take it or leave it attitude.  I love being silly, letting my hair down, and being playful. But, I have been lost in the idea that I have to first prove my accomplishments and earn my place through, oh frick I don’t know what I was thinking.  I was just scared of not being valued for who I am, and like I said, this road trip was the hard reset I needed.

So, with that, expect an update on my book, some more sexy photo shoots, and an update on a project that I am working on!  And of course, I will keep you updated on my love life, because, aren’t relationships and breaking away from the norm what this blog is all about?

Third Time’s a Charm Right? And I Don’t Mean Men!

BC is Beautiful!

Earlier this year, I came up with this idea that I wanted to take some solo road trips (with my furry friend) and explore Alberta and BC.  I had it all figured out, and would take every weekend off of my evening job so that I could get some me time, writing in nature, and exploring on my terms.  No one to answer to, and no obligations.  I would drink when I wanted, eat, and sleep on my schedule.  And the best part, I could get some serious writing time in.  Well, as the title suggests, this, so far has not gone to plan.

My first solo trip pretty much ended and if I am honest, began with me in tears.  I got the car all packed up in the pouring rain, drove in frustration for an hour, and then everything really went amuck.  I don’t want to bore you with the rainy details of all the soggy sights I did not actually leave my car to see. Or the fact that my dog started panting about an hour and a half in (which did not cease for 5 freaking hours). Or the engine light coming on.  And wait, there is more… I was pretty much followed at every single off road exit I took and completely overwhelmed by cars choosing to park right beside me (in empty fields) numerous times. And the one guy who parked behind me and shone his high beams into my car for over an hour.  It was a deserted rest stop, and I was trying to lay down in the back and do some writing.  Exhausted, frustrated, and worried I might have broken my car, I drove home in defeat.  Oh, sorry, I bored you with the details after all. My bad!

The second trip, a few months later (because I needed to sufficiently lick the wounds from my bruised ego), went a little better.  I drove to BC, found a beautiful campsite to write in. Drank a beer, and ate my homemade lunch in the sunshine.  I even managed to do some actual writing at both a brewery and outside!  Rejoice… I could actually travel by myself.  Oh wait… it was time for bed, and that’s when I became a total stress case.  Where could I sleep?  What if someone broke in?  Wait, can I actually sleep in nature by myself?  Sorry Bowser, but you don’t have much in the way of intimidation.  So, I parked by the river and proceeded to crash for a few hours, and then drive my little butt right back home.  It was marginally better, but still, I couldn’t figure out what was making this so hard.

(affiliate)

And then I realized, it was the mental block of solo travelling. Men, you may have difficulties understanding this, but just being a woman out in the world comes with obstacles. Ladies, have you ever put your keys in between your knuckles while walking across a parking lot, just in case someone jumped you?  Have you ever sat at a bar, had a few drinks, then been followed to your car by a complete stranger?  What about having someone walk just way to close to you in the grocery store, leering in every isle?  Look, I think of myself as a confident, independent woman who can pretty much handle herself in any situation. But, what if something bad should actually happen to me.  Do you think I would get sympathy or even help?  Nope, the reality is I would be met with judgment for travelling alone. And then shamed with an, I told you so. Or wouldn’t it be better if you just waited to travel when you had a partner?

Here is a random memory that I think explains where I am coming from.  When I was 16 I had a job, and was able to buy my first car.  Here I was, driving to a friends house when boom, I hit the curb and blew a tire.  It was completely my fault and I was horrified.  I tried calling my parents, but both of them were busy, so I locked my car and hopped on a bus, headed for home to wait until they were free.  An hour later, my uncle called and he picked me up, drove me to my car, and proceeded to change my tire for me.  I asked him to show me what to do, in case this should happen in the future. His response was that it would be too difficult for me to do, and the I should have just flashed my bare leg towards traffic and hope that a kind male stranger would come to my rescue.  Yup.  Rather than empower me with the tools to tackle this myself, I was told that I was weak, and needed to use my sexuality or feminine whiles to achieve my goals.

And this life lesson has stuck with me, my whole adult life.  Thus, here I am, finally understanding the real reason I feel compelled to tackle a solo road trip by myself, even though it is difficult for me.  Everything about the trip, I love doing: Sleeping in the car, exploring nature with my dog, drinking at breweries, and writing whenever I feel like it or inspiration strikes.  But, there is something about putting everything together in one weekend that makes me feel like I can’t.  Like somehow, something bad is going to happen and I will need a male rescue.  It is a sucky feeling.  But here I am, tackling this beast again, with my optimistic self in full force, hopeful that this third time is the charm to breaking this spell.

Stay tuned… oh, and while you wait, feel free to check out my Patreon for all my bonus content. Or if you love boobs and beer, pop on over to my IG!