Category: Porn

Perceptions About Penis Size: Swingers Edition

    K Ghislaine


 

One of my more popular posts and definitely the one that shows up in searches most frequently is  this.  With penis and porn right in the title, it’s no wonder as men are fascinated by both.  That post was written long before I ventured to a swing club, and had never been in a room with more than 2 penis’s at a time.  Life has been kind to me since then, especially now that I frequent lifestyle clubs.  If you haven’t read that post I touch on the idea that large dicks found in porn are something many men want to see and actually seek out specifically in their porn searches.  But this is the swing club edition and things are a little different in this community.  What do I mean by that?  Let’s take a look at some swinger online forums, followed by a brief description of what I see in the real world, aka, in lifestyle clubs.  Let’s chat about swingers and perceptions of penis size.

Firstly lets talk about what happens online.  If a guy posts that he has a large penis, and tries to discuss how some of his partners have complained or been off put by the size, he will get shamed.  He will get called out for bragging, or lying and basically be criticized for asking about a penis that is too big.  He doesn’t even have time to address his concerns the outcry is so loud.  Which is in stark contrast to what I have read about with men viewing porn with big dicks.  It’s scientifically documented in the search histories and porn hub, but with swingers, this does not seem to follow the standard rule.  Instead, men seem almost afraid to let a large dick into their midst.  It also seems by the chastising that occurs, men don’t seem to believe large dicks are a real thing, more like mythical creatures or objects.  And every single time I see a post about a large penis, someone cries out, “you’re not measuring it right… 99 percent of guys can’t measure it properly”.  And to that, I will actually agree, because as a woman, getting a professional to measure your breasts for a properly fitting bra is something that rarely happens but should.  Bras are extremely expensive and uncomfortable when not sized properly, yet we would rather guess and test.  Women have an actual necessity and still don’t do it.  Men, I don’t know of any professional penis measurer’s, other than the very accurate toilet paper roll test (I kid! And if you google, be pre-warned it’s a dangerous rabbit hole) or why you would need it.  OK, moving on.

If a man on the other hand posts that he’s worried about being to small, every manor of male rushes to boost his confidence.  With don’t worry about it, make sure you focus on oral, or bring toys, or we gotcha, women don’t actually care about large cocks.  It’s astounding the comradery about a small dick, versus the shame of a large dick.  In the online forum world it seems good to be small or average and very very bad to be large.  Basically, the polar opposite to the porn we all seem to watch.  So I’m left a little puzzled.  Men of the swinger world, are you OK with watching a large cock on a laptop because you know it isn’t real?  Does having one in the swinging community feel a little too close to home?  Does it perhaps make you feel a little insecure? Or make it an uneven penis pool?  I’m just throwing ideas out there, because swinging men resoundingly do not like talking about big dicks.  I on the other hand love it!

Now ladies, I have the funniest feeling we may be part of the problem here.  Have you ever told your partner that his size was just fine and you wouldn’t change a thing?  Have you ever said that you would be afraid of a larger penis or something to that extent?  And further to that, did you actually mean it?  If you did, and you believe all these things, then perfect, good on you.  But isn’t swinging about variety, and trying something you don’t normally get?  I ask this, because when couples share an account on online discussions, the men talk quite a bit differently and much more open minded.  They will say things like, I want my wife to be satisfied.  I am A OK with a larger guy because she likes it, and her happiness means everything to me.  And all these responses are perfectly fine, we should be able to express our opinions freely, I just get a little pissed off when every single large penis is shamed for asking questions.  And further women who do care about penis size are actually stigmatized for being “size queens” and frowned upon in the online setting.  Mostly by men who are obviously immature and insecure, oh wait did that sound judgy?  My bad.  Maybe I have a sweet spot for them because I get absolutely destroyed online if I complain that a cannot find clothes to fit me.  Tiny frame, large breasts, my goodness don’t get me started on trying to buy a bikini!  Those things are expensive and I have to buy 2 sets because they don’t sell tops and bottoms separately!  And people don’t like hearing that because the jealousy and envy supersedes my issue.  OK, tangent over.

Now let’s move into the real world.  For you see, most outsiders believe that a swing club/sex club is basically live porn so obviously there should be massive cocks everywhere.  Le sigh, this just isn’t the case though, sorry, the secrets is out, we are just normal, everyday people.  So let’s delve into what real world penis’s look like and how actual men react to them.  In a club setting… nobody cares!  Yup, that’s right.  The stigma is almost entirely an online phenomenon.  If there are real life insecurities, they are dealt with behind closed doors, and almost exclusively come down to, are you ready for this? Getting it up!  Personality, conversation, humour, supersede the penis size.  I have never once heard a guy lean over to another guy and ask how big he is down there prior to playtime, unless there has been too much booze, as some people are just tactless assholes no matter where they are.  So, in summary as is almost always the case, you cannot trust the internet.  What we google search, what we talk about and what happens in the real world are vastly different things.  So relax, and enjoy what you got.  And if you think I’m being sexist, re-read this post swapping male anatomy for breasts, boobs, etc and you will see that we are all equal when it comes to judgement.

Thanks so much for reading.  And if you liked this post, and want to see more, I am revamping my Patreon to give my readers and followers what they really want… that’s right, more boobs (all in support of my book writing endeavors).

 

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Where Do All the Pretty People Play?

    K Ghislaine
We should all know by now that sex in real life is nothing like you see in porn.  There is no soft lighting making us all look like models, it can be sweaty, and the sounds and sights are never what you just watched on the web.  And unfortunately for me, the same can be said for the sex positive poly community.  There are idealized visions of meeting like minded individuals that look and think in a similar way to you.  And well, that bubble was burst when we met a whole group face to face.  How do I put this delicately?  Well, there isn’t a way, other than to say, in a group of 30 or so people, E and I became 10’s.  In every single way!  Optimum age, superstar bodies, visual appearances and attitude simply because our surroundings left much to be desired.  We become that couple that everyone in the room wants to be with, and it is weird. 

On the one hand this situation has its fleeting moment of flattery.  I imagine similar to walking the red carpet, but where everyone wants and tries to grab your ass.  On the other though, we really want to find people closer to us.  We want to walk away full of energy, phone numbers and exciting stories when we get home.  So far, this has not been the case.  So I wonder, where do all the pretty people play?  The people who are physically fit, and want to put their best foot forward for both themselves and their partners?  We do not demand perfection, but we do appreciate looking outwards and seeing something other than obesity, insecurity and wrinkles.

When we went to the LA area swing club, confidence is on the top tier when you look out upon the sea of people.  Many of course, have the take me or leave me type of body and dress code.  But there are a few who take excellent care of themselves, and it shows.  In Calgary, so far, that has not been the case.  Pretty, to me is more than skin deep.  It is an outlook, and a way of caring about yourself, both emotionally and physically. 

We went to a poly meet and greet a few weeks back here in the city, and we both left the night a little depressed that that was the poly representation.  We have that slimy, over confident guy, who showed us a very nondescript picture of his stripper girlfriend who at the last minute couldn’t make it out.  To the woman, who was obviously dragged there by her husband and was terrified of being left alone.  And to the loud and heavy couples who were the majority, and just seemed to me like horny, hungry, hippos.  The women who showed up wearing sweat pants was an interesting touch.  Or the people trying hard to create safe cuddle spaces, and 4 person share your dream events, as an ongoing Saturday evening experience.  I am independent and confident and have no interest in paying money to cuddle on the floor with strangers for validation.  To each their own of course, but I want what I want.  And this type of interaction is just not it.

I want to go and interact with pretty people.  With educated and adventurous type couples who have stories to share, and an understanding and appreciation of their bodies and their health.  I want to meet someone, who is a spark and not just a little flicker.  For now, it seems, E and I will have to continue to travel to find our little adventures, because neither of us have found yet where our kind play locally.

Just Porn, and My Own Acceptance of Sexuality

    K Ghislaine

I have a very popular post on this blog entitled Porn, Just Porn.  I reluctantly admit, that when people Google this subject they are not necessarily looking for some light reading, however the stats are what they are and I will take them.  My last post had to do with me finally being able to express what is really in it for me when it come to having an open relationship.  I would like to now bring these two trains of thought together, and perhaps make some sort of a point.

I know a lot of people out there are uncomfortable with the porn habits of their partner.  I have heard time and time again that porn should not be necessary when you are in a committed partnership.  Or that a sign of too much porn indulgence is a warning about something or other in your relationship.  I have heard it, seen it, and I have even felt this very thing.  What I fail to comprehend in all of this, is any sort of logic, it seems to be an emotional response that we accept rather than understanding it.  When I think of being in a happy and committed relationship, for better or worse, till death do us part, I have never once thought that my partner is now mine to control.  More to the point, I do not think that I have control over his mind, body or soul.  It is a partnership because I love and accept him, for him.

Sex is a natural part of being human.  I do not see the rationale behind telling someone whom I love, respect and judge to be a whole and unique individual that I now get a say in how they find pleasure.  Nor do I take kindly to the notion that my partner may have a say in when I can, or cannot have sex, alone or otherwise.  Or in what order I may choose to get off, for example do I try to have sex with him, prior to me getting myself off?  Does that seem reasonable?  And yet, too often, I hear the sad story of someone getting jealous because they caught their partner watching porn and did not even get a consult to see if maybe they wanted to have sex first.   Sometimes it can be really hot to be caught getting myself off, where as others, I close the door and have some private time for myself.  And I do not think that having a partner should change our individuality.

As many people out there are choosing the lifestyle of monogamy, yes I believe it is a choice, at the very least I hope that you recognize you do not have control over your partners sexual desires.  I once read an article, where a woman was sitting on the washing machine and it vibrated in just the right way.  After she had some surprise fun, she wondered if she needed to tell her husband what had happened, and I kid you not, if he would be upset that she got off without him.  This is one of those laugh or cry moments for me.  I would never be in a relationship if that meant I had to give up who I was.  To relinquish control over my sexuality? To be told that I could or could not watch porn, and touch myself if I chose to.  I find it hard some days to admit that I am proud of my partners sexuality, and his desires for other woman.  The first step is admitting your own desires, and watching his excitement at my happiness brings me one step further to accepting all that he is, porn habits and all!  So in the end perhaps less of a point was made, and more of a rant.

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Perceptions About Penis Size: Thanks Porn

    K Ghislaine

So my last post may have come across a little critical of porn for making things look easier said than done.  But I also want to touch a bit on some good things it has done for society… and more specifically for me.  I have written a topic or two on porn, just porn and how it should not be a threat to any relationship if viewed in moderation and respectfully.  And as a follow up to that, porn is more than just hot, and a way for humans to get off, porn can also be useful in our sex negative society.  Of course I say that with full knowledge that there is something out there for everybody, and I do mean everybody, which is not always a good thing.  There is not a soul out there who in good conscience can say there is any positive to child pornography.  That one is an open and shut case and I do not think needs any further discussion.

But what about my claim that some porn is actually useful and goes a step forward to creating more whole, sexual human beings?  I, growing up, was always told that men have penis envy.  Men are shy about their junk, and get easily embarrassed when they get compared to other men.  I have been told that the worst thing a girl can ever do is to tell their partner about the other penis’ they have seen, or in anyway, shape or form compare dick sizes.  This has been drilled into my head over and over, by peers, media and various other forms of social normalization I have encountered.  To go a step further, I have also been taught that men must always believe that their penis is the biggest and the best, and that it hurts their manhood to discover that some other guy is more endowed than they are.  Perhaps I am the only girl who was ever taught this extremely short-sighted  and largely inaccurate stigma.

I mentioned before a book called “A Billion Wicked Thoughts” by  Ogi Ogas and Sai Goddam (which you can easily purchase on Amazon through moi) , and I feel now is a great time to touch on it again.  One of the chapters specifically discussed how men are more turned on in heterosexual porn when the men in scene have a big cock.  And not just a large cock, but an extremely large cock.  This is contrary to anything I had ever heard before.  My assumption would have been that viewing a penis smaller than their own would have been more satisfying from a male dominance angle, but truth is stranger than fiction.  Thanks in part to porn and viewing larger penis’ men seem to have come to terms with other dicks being larger than their own.  I do not think this concept could be possible without having porn readily available.  And the benefits for their partners are also there.  That fear of admitting you have slept with a man who was extremely well endowed is less apparent.  Talking about it, in some cases, can even be a huge turn on.  Men are actually becoming less frightened with regards to cocks and potential inadequacies.  Honestly this concept is just downright fascinating to me.

Ron Jeremy is an icon, but he not just an icon for woman.  He is a man’s man and every interview or comment I have read about him states that he is just a really nice guy.  Why is the average man not terrified that his partner is comparing his much smaller genitals to the obviously bigger porn stars?  This is what I was lead to believe for so many years, and it amazes me just how far from the truth this actually is.  Yes, there are men who are uncomfortable with their sizes and are insecure, just as there are woman who fantasize about playing with the massive cock, but these are actually exceptions and not the norm.  And that is a really good thing, a thing that needs to continue despite what the media, would like to have us believe.  Porn is not some evil entity that is ruining our sex lives, in fact it is enhancing it.  Giving us a real visual for what is out there.  Eliminating the need to wonder and therefore worry about what might be hiding in your next door neighbors pants.  Porn is helping to alleviate the fear of the unknown, allowing us to overcome those preconceived notions that do our society harm.  Penis size is just one small way that porn is helping our society become more sex positive, and also I really like writing a blog post where I can say dick and cock so many times.

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Porn Makes it All Look So Easy (NSFW)

    K Ghislaine

Pick your hottest scene in a porn flick, I am going to go with Cuckold/Hot wife porn for the sake of argument.  If you do not know what that is, please by all means add it to your list of viewing this evening, but I will briefly describe the scene I have in mind, hypothetically of course.  So the scene opens with a woman getting pounded by a very large cock.  Oh no, in walks her husband who is humiliated by the violation he is witnessing.  The large cocked guy continues to pound said woman in front of the husband who by this point is watching on the sidelines.  The woman yells at her husband that this is what a huge cock looks like, and that he is small by comparison.   Large cocked man cums inside the woman, and the husband is told to enjoy the sloppy seconds.  By the end everybody cums, and everyone’s fantasy comes true.
Why did I just write something so graphic here?  For the simple fact that there is so much that goes on behind the scene’s to make something like this actually work outside of a porn set.  For starters, every participant is a real human being with wants and needs.  How does one go about getting every participant on board?  Where does the first cock go after he cums?  Does he just go home, feeling rejected and used?  And how exactly do all parties get to the room?  Do you have a round of drinks first, work out all the details, and hope for the best?  I pay a lot of attention to detail, and it is important to me that everyone’s needs are taken care of.  Porn gives you a sneak peak into the fantasy, but it is exhausting trying to actually accomplish all required details so no one is left wanting or without a role.
It is wonderful to say, yes I want a threesome, but the actual mechanics of it, especially if you want to do it right and hope for more in the future, can be daunting.  I learned a very important lesson with my first ffm.  And that was quite simply that being drunk and having sex with two people is absolutely not my cup of tea.  I was left with horrible feelings, and insecurities for weeks afterwards, and the two people were good friends of mine.  But for me, booze took over my rational thought, and it was just a very messy situation.  It took a long time to rebuild those friendships that were really put onto rocky ground, and with the first hand learning I now take a lot of care and caution firstly towards my own feelings and those who are participating with me.  The people I know who have threesomes or moresome’s on a yearly basis or more always show respect for all parties involved.  Everyone gets a say, and the intent is to meet as many needs as possible.  Even if that means putting aside an O or two during, but taking the time to fulfill afterwards.  It is all about communication after all and always ensuring that people feel like they matter.
In the end, it can be hard work and an orchestrating nightmare, but the rewards are what drive us forward.  Force us to take risks, plow forward and fulfill our fantasies.  Porn makes it look really easy, and although it is not, those memories last a lifetime.