Men: Online Dating

Sorry to pick on you dear men who have forayed into the world of online dating, but quite frankly the majority of you suck at it.  Which is very bad news for you because there are men out there, who are amazing at it, have studied all your mistakes and swoop down to have their pick of the ladies.  I have written about this before here, but it turns out I had barely scratched the surface.  I revamped my online profile last week for purposes of science and I would like to share with you a few thoughts and stories.  I promise you I have not made a single one of these messages up, in the same sentence I am not trying to scare anyone off of online dating.
One of the first things is that talking like a 12 year old in text slang or poor grammar is never a good first impression.  Such phrases as “I c u as an equal”, or “Hi gorgeous text me if u want ###-#### would really like too know. U seems very down on earth talk soon I hope”, does not illicit a very positive response.  First impressions count, especially when you take into account that this is a game of numbers.  Why would someone want to meet you, when you have shown the communication skill level of a tween?  You are looking for a relationship or at the very least set up a meeting for coffee and hold a conversation in order to plan a booty call, take the effort to make full sentences and use real words.
Next on my list is copying and pasting information from your profile directly into your opening message.  I know we woman are fickle and may pass you by, but I can almost guarantee that if a woman takes the time to read your opening message she will also take the time to read your profile.  Repeating yourself right from the get go is not going to impress anyone.  This is a mild annoyance, and perhaps will not place very high on anyone else s list, but I felt it was worth mentioning.
Thirdly, and I cannot even believe this happened to me, please oh please do not propose marriage as an opener.  Here is the direct quote from a message I received “Can we skip our first meet and just go straight to the wedding chapel? We’ll decide our honeymoon plans over the phone. I promise not to hit on our bridesmaids!”   My main confusion with this opener is as to what sort of response he was expecting.  It almost did not matter that he was a slimy looking guy with a pencil thin mustache and a pony tail, but still, he must have thought this was a positive approach and for the life of me I cannot fathom why.
And ladies, try not to be cruel when guys makes these mistakes.  It only makes them bitter to the whole online dating thing and perpetuates their belief that it does not work.  The belief we are superficial is re-confirmed.  If they make a horrible mistake, kindly tell them, and be sure to mention that the ship has sailed with you but perhaps the next girl would be more willing to chat.  I personally will not chat with guys who do not show their eyes in a single one of their pictures.  Last week I told a guy flat out why I was not chatting with him and sure enough he posted some face pictures.  I am pretty sure his odds have increased significantly or at least that’s what he has told me.  Yes it’s a numbers game but with the goal being a face to face meeting pick and choose how you want to be mysterious.  Hiding your face is just plain creepy.

Fictitious Dating Profiles

A small inconsistency that I have encountered in the dating world is misrepresentation by men.  In that I mean, men using fake pictures and profiles to entice woman.  Now I am all for privacy, and keeping your personal life separate from your online life, but when it comes time to online dating the lines get blurry.  It feels downright dangerous meeting a guy who looks absolutely nothing like his picture, or is a good 5 inches shorter than on his profile.  These may seem like superficial things, but it begs the question, if they lied about something so blatantly obvious then what else are they lying about?  Do they actually have 5 kids under the age of 5, living off of welfare, and a dungeon type playroom that they want their new partner to just stumble upon?
It is all a matter of safety and personal preference, but it puzzles me in that men are very visual in their sexual needs.  So if they have a picture of them selves that represents a tall, 6 packed Greek god type persona, and in reality they are short, pudgy, and balding, it makes me wonder just how skewed their reality really is.  Yes we can all fantasize that we look a certain way, and perhaps this image is more of a goal than just craziness, but it is hard to give someone a second chance when they have such bold image misrepresentation. 
I read men complain all the time that woman never write them back.  I have read articles where men test the superficiality of woman by setting up multiple profiles with various paying careers listed and track the variances of responses.  Unsurprisingly the higher paying jobs the more interest, so yes woman seek financial security as a primary dating characteristic.  The lesson learned from this should not be that woman are superficial, and only go after the rich.  Rather that woman may find you less attractive if you are in your 40’s working minimum wage and hate your job.  No fake pictures and profiles are needed if you work a job for less money, but absolutely love what you do and your passion shines through.  Work life balance is taking on more importance than 6 figures.  And yes it is all about how you sell yourself, if anything under promise and over deliver as the other way around is creepy at best.