Category: Question Everything

Shhh… It’s a secret! My X-Mas Gift Advice

    K Ghislaine

X-mas is right around the corner, and thus may I present a little relationship blog on gift giving.  I was trying hard not to listen to the ladies seated in front of me on a recent flight, but of course my curiosity got the best of me when their volume rose.  The two ladies were in their late 30’s and both wore very nice looking wedding bands.  So clearly they must have a few relationship tips if they are already married right?  Well sadly they were not bragging about how amazing their sex life was or anything remotely positive in the marriage world.  Instead they were bitching about the recent gifts their husbands had purchased.

Here’s my little recap.  Blond lady received a lavish necklace, but is too embarrassed to wear it.  It’s much to ornate and doesn’t go with her day to day image.  Brunette lady recently received a bath spa kit she swears she saw at Costco.  Therefor Brunettes husband bought her a last minute gift and Blond’s husband doesn’t really know her tastes after all these years.  Then the usual “there, there, it’s the thought that counts”.  And the sobbing, “but why does he think I’m so superficial that the cost would be more than the thought?”.  Did I mention I was on my way to Vegas and was listening to a lady cry about a gorgeous necklace?

I cannot possibly say that I am above this conversation and that I have not had it in my early dating years.  I am sure that I did, but I spent a lot of effort ensuring that once I was made aware this behavior ended.  And I will tell you why. There are many ways to look at a relationship.  I try to be as realistic and level headed as I can be.  This is how I look at the gift giving side to my relationships, you must make a choice based on your own values.

If being surprised is the most important thing to you on X-mas morning then you get to deal with the reality that the opening and anticipation is you favorite part of the gift.  And when you open the package you may or may not get a bonus.  If on the other hand you really value the gift inside, then please for the love of all my sanity just tell the person what you want!  Give them a list to pick from or tell them in an active conversation what you would like this year as a present.  He is not a mind reader and no he has not been listening for the last 6 months for the little hints like you have.  Woman pay attention to a different sort of detail than men do, and this gives us many advantages I think in a long term relationship.  This is a strength of woman, and less so of the average male.

To segway into one of my favorite topics, which of course is sex, there are many parallels with this advice.  If you love surprises and want the ball in his court, then lie back and enjoy him taking control.  But if on the other hand there is something that you want to try, or more of, then he needs to be told.  The man is not going to listen carefully for the changes in your moaning to determine what move he makes next.  Have the conversation and take charge of your happiness and improving your own life.  Do not put it in your partners hands and then bitch to your friends that there is something missing.

What says more about your relationship?  That you can communicate and add to each others happiness or the lamenting that he is not the mind reader you want him to be?  And if you are one of the women all about the thrill of surprise, please brag about the surprise itself.  As we all know sometimes whats inside isn’t what we expected, so realize this and remember what’s really important to you.  You can enjoy the surprise or the gift inside.  Either way put yourself in a position to find your happiness either way.  Life’s short, so enjoy.

Ladies Night

    K Ghislaine

I’m going to keep this post nice and short.  I hope I am not the only one who has had a conversation with her boyfriend that just bores him to tears?  Well I have, and what’s more I have a boyfriend who will call me out on it.  Which is for the most part a good thing.  If I hear this more than once or twice in a few week span, then I know it is time for a girls night out.  It seems really simple, but for some reason this took me a long time to really figure out.

I was taught that the man in your life is your best friend and you should be able to share anything and everything with.  This is how I have historically approached every relationship.  With this notion that whatever is going on in my little coconut then my partner wants to hear.  Reality check!  He doesn’t.  Low and behold there was a solution and that solution is a girls night out.  There is something so amazingly stabilizing about having an evening out with the ladies.  Having the opportunity to chat in chick speak and get some emotions off your chest.  And the same holds true for the opposite sex.  Having a guys night, drinking beers, shooting the shit, it’s cathartic and feels oh so great.

So as I pack to go to Las Vegas for a few days, I leave you with this.  If you see the eyes rolling in your partner after you have prattled on for a few minutes, recognize what this means.  Call up the ladies, get dressed up and go for a evening out.  Oh and tell your man exactly what you’re up to.  Let him know that it’s not his job to hear the latest gossip or about your woman problems.  But rather that you will come home with some fabulous stories about how you were told he was the luckiest man on earth to have such an amazing woman.  Quality time with your man beats quantity any day.

Cheers!

Feedback :)

    K Ghislaine

Thanks so much for all the kind words and support about my blog.  So far I have been writing about what interests me and the messages about relationships that I feel have not been given nearly enough voice, especially from a female perspective.

I am asking now for some help.  Please if you have criticism or questions, or even a point you would like me to elaborate on, please email or put in the comments section. You can even steer me in a direction of interest.  If not I will continue to write about topics of my choosing and keep going in the direction I have been.

Again thanks so much for reading. This has been such a great experience for me.  I look forward to any and all feedback 🙂 Or follow, like, share, and or support me on Patreon!

K-Ghislaine

Questioning Our Relationships and Accepting Nothing

    K Ghislaine

The subject of how I was able to question my faith and became an atheist was briefly discussed in an earlier blog.  Now time for the meat and potatoes of my blog which is to take the questioning and exploration one step further.  We have great minds who have questioned faith in our society endlessly, Christopher Hitchens, Richard Dawkins, Friedrich Nietzsche and John Stuart Mill to name a few.  The material available to people who would like to become more informed in their life and the decisions they are making for their children and generations to come is pretty inspiring.  But what about how we view relationships?

I have briefly touched on the subject of divorce.  We are at record numbers in our divorce rates with almost no end in site.  And I wonder how many people actually question why this is?  I have heard the argument so many times that so and so did this and that, broke my heart, cheated, we grew apart, etc.  But why is this occurring really?  In our society marriage is an institution for monogamy, raising children and in Quebec especially, getting tax breaks.  If you are a person of faith, this goes one step further and is sanctioned by God.  That you promise to be faithful to not only your spouse but to God and to be fruitful and multiply, a sure fire way to bring the next generation into religion.

But oddly this idea of marriage still is not lasting even with the legal expense of divorce and the bond breaking with God.  Could it be that it is time to expand on our limited ideals of what marriage should be and in essence our relationships in general?  If the top three reasons for divorce in Canada are : Communication, Money and Cheating, then perhaps the reasons we get married should be re-evaluated.  Humans have the basics in common, to want to share experiences with fellow humans, eat and have sex.  So now is the time to start questioning why we would ruin meaningful relationships over money and sex, and open up the channels for communication over what actually matters.

I think we can get to a point where money is just money, sex is just sex and we find a partner to share the raising of children and our experiences with, for better and worse.  I am questioning why I was raised to believe that monogamous relationships work, if this is only a myth and is there something much better out there.  Something that fits the human condition much better for men and for women.  I know that mistakes will be made and feelings may get in the way but I am willing to put my fears on hold for the exploration of the most amazing relationship and finding the partner to share that with.   I am trying to explore solutions for the demise of marriage and lasting relationships in our society.

The rampant increase of dating sites and ways to meet people is overwhelming right now, but before we get to a point where speed dating is the normal way to have a relationship, lets accept that the confines of a relationship are becoming broader.  Our society is becoming more educated and with that restrictions must be questioned.  If we start judging people based on a few minutes with a skewed perception of what marriage and a relationship really mean than our next generation is going to have an increase in broken homes and more challenges to face.

Ask the scary question of why your relationship would end right at the beginning, try and get on the same page with open communication and let us start evolving our ideals with education and acceptance.

 

Regret

    K Ghislaine

 

One key trait that I strive for everyday is to ensure that I do not live with regret. I stand by my actions good or bad.  If there have been cruel or intentional acts of malice, and there have been many throughout my childhood and teenage years all I can say is I have learned many things from them.  It is very interesting how people react to negativity and further what it teaches you with regards to your own reactions or in many cases how not to react.  I personally have very limited foresight and find myself constantly in situations that I call my lessons learned.  The one balance is that I do learn from my mistakes and peoples reactions to them.  It is very rare that I will err more than once in any situation.

In saying that though, I find myself replaying a situation with many similarities but with a completely different man than I was used to for so many years.  Unfortunately I tried a new tactic to avoid ending up with him angry and me hurt, but ended in the same result…alone and not by my decision. Dealing with the opposite sex is tricky business and it is so easy to forget and let your guard down.  The seduction can never end or become stagnant.  I chalk this up to a life lesson and I should have known better, but here I am learning yet again.  Trying to ensure that the next man or perhaps a second chance with the same man will yield much happier results.

Not allowing myself the luxury of regret or feeling sorry for myself may seem arrogant to some people, but truly there is not an ounce of it.  Things have happened in my past that could have sent me into deep depression if I allowed them to become a real part of me.  Things that hurt others I try not to repeat, which of course allows for whole new ways to hurt in some cases, but that is my life and my outlook on it.  It is amazing the ability each of us has to internalize a situation, grow and make alterations for the future.  A life does not have to be one of repeated mistakes, as that is how we can too quickly dig holes and end up in hopelessness.

All I can say is I am sure people out there believe that I should regret certain decisions, but they are mine to make.  They are also mine to make again or to learn from, to be the person that I want to look back on fondly and have my grandchildren respect in even the smallest of ways.

 

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