Category: Relationships

30 Day Challenge: The Sex Positive Kind

    K Ghislaine

Well, the world is going crazy with negativity and news of doom and gloom. So to combat it, or at least give a little distraction, I’ve decided it is high time to revive my 30 day sex positive challenge for the month of October. If you have not heard of this before, don’t worry, it turns out I haven’t really done one successfully since 2020! Where in the world does the time go? At any rate, let me set the stage for what you are in for in our #30DaysSexPositive Challenge.

First up, there is zero sign-up necessary and participation is completely voluntary. Let’s be honest, any challenge to do with the word S E X is daunting to many. But rest assured this one is geared to be inclusive, fun, and hopefully at the end of the day having you feel fabulous about yourself. There will be a few days that will push you out of your comfort zone, and that is OK. Choose your own adventure and only join in with what you are comfortable with. For those who are ready and excited to learn a bit about themselves, being sex positive, and maybe even get a little sexy, here’s the drill.

First, you need to be following me on some sort of platform to see the prompts, which I will post daily. Now, using the word sex can get tricky with things like Facebook, so I won’t be posting anything there. I will however be using X/Twitter, Bluesky, Instagram, and my Patreon subscribers will get their usual bonus content, plus some extras. Wherever you follow me, just watch for the flamingo icon starting Oct 1st, read the blurb, and start playing. If you want to like, share, comment, or even subscribe to my Patreon that is completely up to you. The real point is to get us thinking about sex in a more positive light and normalizing pleasure in all its wondrous forms, and that starts with some self love. Oh, and taking a little break from the day to day grind, in a more pleasurable way.

So, are you ready? Excited? Nervous? I am too! So let us make this years 30 day challenge the best one yet. And if you want a little bonus activity to help you and your partner open up some great dialogue about sex, might I recommend signing up for the Couples Sex Quiz? Yes, I am sharing this as an affiliate, but, you should know I only recommend things that I love, and find value in. So if you’ve ever found yourself nervous to talk about sex with your partner, this is an incredible tool AKA ice breaker. And if you’re in a new relationship, this could be a fun way to see if you are similar pages. Don’t worry, the challenge won’t be all sales pitchy, but from time to time getting a few bucks definitely feels good so there you go. Now, back to the challenge…

I really hope you love what I have created for you because I am so excited to share it with you all, no matter how you decide to participate. Let’s have fun, be kind, and please no shaming of any kind. If at any point someone shares something that is not to your taste, just move on! Sex is for everyone, and the world could certainly use some more kindness right about now! With all that in mind, get ready, because here we go!!!

#30DaysSexPositive

S%x Fixes Everything

    K Ghislaine

For the longest time, I have held firm to the belief that the most sacred and primal of acts, can in fact fix anything. OK, clearly not absolutely everything, but I have leaned on this idea to patch over more than a handful of difficult situations. And while I desperately want to blame my upbringing, or past men in my life for planting this idea, the truth is, this one is all on me. The idea hit me, long long ago, and I have tricked my little mind into thinking that it has actually worked, and given me more time with the people I have wanted to be with. I mean, the long standing myth is that men only want s%x, ergo, if I want to be with them, then presto… we do it all the time for a happy ever after.

Unfortunately, while the act itself is fun, and provides a lot of health benefits, especially when it comes to endorphins, and all those amazing good mood hormones that get released, it doesn’t actually fix problems. Oh, for sure it covers them up for a time. You know that post coitus afterglow time, when everything is magical and happy. But when those happy forces subside, you’re left with the reality of the situation, which sucks so, you do it again. Or at least that is how I managed to extend the life on very dead relationships in the past. And well, it was made all the easier to accomplish, because as you well know, there were multiple people with whom I could chase my orgasmic highs from.

In my head this post played out as more of an instructional, not to do when it comes to keep a relationship alive. And perhaps I will develop that further into a Medium article about some more pitfalls regarding my time in non-monogamy, elaborating on the whole Lust vs Love revelation. Actually you know me, I definitely will. This post however, has taken me on a different path, which is the truth, that fixing things with intercourse does not work when the relationship is not the problem. I am going to go cry in a little corner for a moment, so take a pause with me, and perhaps go shopping for a new toy or waterproof blanket on my home page? *Sniff* *sob* *wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

OK, that was embarrassing, but I’m back. Deep breath here. My relationship is amazing and doesn’t need fixing and that’s wonderful, but I am still in a rut. Why? Because I need some fixing. Nothing huge or major, but I’ve been sad for a while, and have been running on fumes. Thus, this feeling of burntout-ness. It may not be a real word now, but just you watch it catch on become the new thing… burnt-out-ness. It just has all the feels to it. As I wrote in my last post, I am starting to blog again, because I know deep down, sharing in this way balances me. And it is those small things that I need to start doing more regularly, so I can fall back on something while I am tackling some huge life endeavours. And what makes it harder, is that I don’t have a relationship to complain about. All I have, is myself. I have the closest to perfection that I could ever wish for, and am faced with the truth that my relationship with self, kinda sucks right now.

So there, I have admitted I have a problem. And this is notice to self, that we are going to tackle this. We are going to deep dive into why we are here, and why things are not feeling amazing. No more hiding behind self love (yes, that means exactly what you think that means). No more little bursts of relief. We are the result of all our past behaviours, actions, and those people who shared the journey, and it’s time to take a hard look at what we need to let go of, and what things we bring with us for our future journey. But first… s%x! Kidding, not kidding, oh this is going to be hard.

As always, thank you for the love, support, likes, and shares. And those messages of solidarity. Sure I cry when received, but damn do I ever appreciate you all.

Dear Body: It Has Been So Many Months…

    K Ghislaine

I worked so diligently on really listening and being fully intuitive with my body. It was a long process, but I worked on a lot of emotional trauma, and got to place where I could be gentle with myself and my emotions. I felt empowered by this triumph. I sit here now, realizing that I no longer trust anything my body is doing. The earnest desire to become pregnant has turned all the rational cues I used to rely on, into damn bloody liars! Month after month, I experience every early pregnancy symptom, and month after month, I realize that they were false alarms. It is disheartening to know just how many months we have been trying for.

The best advice, as I’ve mentioned before, is to just relax. When it happens, it happens. And truly there is little more that I can do, beyond what I am doing. My next appointment with the fertility clinic is in a month, and while I have already waited 3, this last one seems the longest. I guess I was hoping that I would be able to tell them, I needed them for a different reason, an early pregnancy. And yet, all signs point to that simply not being possible.

I realized today, that I am 2 cycles away from us trying for a year without success. I cannot believe that it has been almost 9 months since my last chemical. As much as those suck, at least something happened, and my hormones and body changes were the result of something trying to get started. These past 8 months I have experienced varying degrees of symptoms. All different, and all contributing to my roller-coaster of hope versus despair.

It’s so odd, that I can be with the most wonderful man in the world, who makes me feel like a god damn queen, who has never been this happy. But, that I am also able to still feel the agony of my body letting us both down. The harder you love, the harder you fall I suppose. The range of emotions just gets deeper and deeper as your experiences increase. I suppose in a way, that is healthy, and a good sign that I am truly living life to the fullest, but there is darkness. As I type, Time in a Bottle, by Jim Croce plays in the background, and it’s true, there just never seems to be enough time. And that means I cannot waste any energy feeling sorry for myself, that we just haven’t conceived in such a long time. But saying the thing that makes sense, and believing the thing are two vastly different states of mind. I fear my rational one, is losing out to the hormonal one far more often than I am comfortable with.

Vulnerability is beautiful in so many ways. And it allows a person to really love, and feel, and I am grateful that I overcame so much to get here. I feel whole, and intense. But also a little wild, and out of control, which doesn’t suit me. That side lets in the fear. The fear that I might lose control, and just wind up in a puddle on the floor, unable to snap myself out of the void. My only saving grace is that I know I am not alone. There are people in my life who I can wholeheartedly rely on to keep me sane. I trust them with my heart, and my volatility, because they are flawed humans who love as I do. We have trust, compassion, and empathy for all that makes us humans. And it is this that keeps me going. This network of support that rises above the pain I feel on a monthly basis.

We keep trying. It’s all we can do. And I keep picking myself up off the floor, because as it turns out, reaching rock bottom is the biggest lie we tell ourselves to keep on trucking. I hope, I will be able to start rebuilding trust with my body sooner rather than later. For now, I am helpless. And at the mercy of my body, and the hormones that take over more often than not. One day, I will hold that baby in my arms… I will.

Thank you all for the love and support during this time. A special shout-out to those on my Patreon who have access to all the behind the scenes, including my newest project… a Podcast, because yes, distraction keeps me going!!!

Let’s Talk About Baby Making

    K Ghislaine

Yes, It is Story Time… But Not Mine

I love the amount of people in my life who are so excited that my boyfriend and I are trying to start a family. It’s so supportive and amazing! I love you all for sharing in this journey with us, whether you are reading along, or sending me messages. And ultimately thank you all for basically giving us the go ahead to have sex, lots and lots of sex! It really means the world to me, and my libido! Oh, and I am pretty sure he enjoys it too. Again, thank you all!

We as a society are a fascinating people. It would be super weird for me to walk into a room and say, guess what everyone, I just had sex! OK, weird for most people, but possibly not me? I digress. If a person does that, the looks on peoples faces would be very mixed. And dare I say that most in the room would portray varying levels of discomfort, and disbelief. Where are those smelling salts? Bragging about intercourse… Bad. But, and here’s the butt, talk about baby making and the shift of emotions is palpable.

With growing frequency, I find myself telling people that we are trying, instead of horrified looks we are getting enthusiastic and happy responses. People are even excited at the prospect of us creating new life, offering words of encouragement, and at times tips and tricks. Not actual sex positions, but things to try to get your body ready, herbal remedies and advice in keeping those swimmers inside for the longest possible amounts of time. So yes, it turns out, the way to make sex talk permissible is to sugar coat with baby making intentions. Damn. If I had only known this sooner, I could have been so rich!

Take the title of this article for example. If I had used my original idea of Sex, but this time for procreation, the censors of social media would have limited its reach. But, to use the term baby making, I can override the naysayers and get this out there. Which is good, because I have a task for you readers at the end of this. Sex for pleasure is not something we can talk about in normal society, and well, that’s probably why I write about it so often. Censorship is not something I’m keen to observer. In fact, it’s one of my least favourite things, so I tend to mention sex, orgasms, and share nudity a lot (which you can access on my Patreon)! But let’s get back to this post.

Now, I’m sure you are wondering what point could I possibly be making. It’s just this, we as a society continue to be afraid to talk about sex, but when it comes to procreation, the most widely acceptable form of intercourse, then it is marginally better. I cannot think of any religion or society that does not encourage the act of penetration for the act of being fruitful and multiplying, and well, when you have faith on your side then you are golden. So now, I can finally say that I am joining the millions of people before me, saying, yes, I am ready to have lots and lots of unprotected sex with the love of my life because we are ready to create a new being in our images! Sex writing is suddenly encouraged, because we are doing it for sanctified reasons. Did I use that term right? It’s been a while since my Catholic school days.

Betty’s Toy Box (affiliate link)

So thank you for the support in me having unprotected sex! I really appreciate it. But I need more than just support right now. I need your help and input. No no, not in that way. I have definitely have that part covered, sex is easy, especially when two people fit so well together. No, what I need from you is your stories, specifically I want to know your baby making stories, and all the details that made it special. Partly because I want to make sure we are doing the creation part right, and partly because, when else are you going to get this opportunity?

I’ve read that orgasmic sex is better for increasing the odds of conception. Is that true? I’ve also read that booze has helped a great number of people lower their stress levels, allowing their bodies to just go with the flow, so to speak. Did you drink the night you conceived? Was it just dumb luck? A one night stand with perfect conditions? Do you always get pregnant after eating certain foods? Or what about a particular position? What makes baby making happen in your world? I’ve also read about certain lubes helping. Or teas, or fertility specialists, or maybe you have no idea. That’s really interesting to me too, because the thing I have read the most, that it happened when you were least expecting it, and had stopped trying. So let’s talk about what you were doing to stop trying, yet still having what I assume was unprotected sex.

Either way, this is your time to shine. Feel free to message me privately and with your permission I will add to the comments section on your behalf keeping you anonymous. Or brag about it. That’s always awesome too. Come on people, let me read your stories for a change!

Trying to Conceive: Is There a Right Way?

    K Ghislaine

There are two schools of thought that I have encountered with my trying to conceive journey, and there seems to be no clear right or wrong. The first is to live like you are already pregnant, and the other, is to just live your life and if it happens, then it happens. I’ve been trying the first without success. The second method, scares me, because I don’t want to do something that accidentally creates another miscarriage. I’ve admittedly, been slowly relaxing the first method, simply because, I know the effect that stress has on the body. And quite frankly, as a person who thrives in stressful situations, I am not always the best at recognizing at what point too much is. That is a work in progress, as I discussed in my latest Medium article on Stress and Polyamory.

Stress is bad. But the clock is ticking and thus it’s difficult to just allow things to happen, but rationally I know that is the only thing I can do. Other than of course working towards getting seen by a fertility specialist, which is my next step, after the gynecologist assured me that everything is fine. My impatient self screams out, if everything is fine why am I not pregnant? Then my rational self says, this is why you are always stressed! As I sniffle “I always give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it” as quoted by Alice, in Alice in Wonderland.

Do I drink the beer, which helps me to relax and keep my stress down? Or do I not drink the beer because I want to ensure I am fully body ready to make this baby thing a reality? Ultimately the only thing I can do is to try and keep myself distracted and happy because at the end of the day, I know I need to stay out of my head. Thus it is a perfect time to keep pitching my book to agents, and to keep tackling all the projects and such that life throws my way. Which of course is much easier to do during the days right after my period when I know I cannot possibly symptom spot. Serenity NOW!!!!

Why not take a break and earn real prizes? (affiliate link)

I know there is no right or wrong way. But some days I must say, it’s difficult to see so many shows portray people having healthy pregnancies the first time they try to conceive, or when they aren’t trying. That being said, we got pregnant the first time completely by accident. So there must be something to the whole, not trying thing. But somethings are easier said than done. I can tell myself that it is what it is, but then, as I said, I get into my head, and it’s almost impossible to shut that part of my hoping, and trying off. There simply is no right or wrong way, but damn do I ever wish there was something more I could be doing. Then again, maybe less is more? Our family is already started, because the two of us already have each other, and that is huge and wonderful. And I am grateful, truly. But of course, I want more, well, we both do.

I do want to take a moment to thank all the people so far who have shared their trying to get pregnant stories. I knew writing about this subject would open that door, and I am so grateful to be able to read each and everyone of your experiences. And what’s more, to have real people to talk to about this, and share the ups and downs (hear that universe? I am ready for some ups here too!). At this point in the game, I am focusing on trying to relax, and enjoy the process, while at the same time continuing to take my prenatals, and the expertise of those in the health care system. Oh and of course doing the thing the actually makes creating a baby possible!

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