Until you can again get consent from every person you interact with…
I try not to speak out against people in the swinging community, for one simple reason, I think it is more beneficial to show the good in the community. However, right now there are podcasters, even organizers, and club owners who are basically shining a horrific bright light on the community, and I all I can think is “you do it to yourself!”. It is heartbreaking, because I spend countless hours each week trying to dispel taboo’s, and talk about the great points of non-monogamy. Dispelling myths is absolutely my jam, and while I don’t have a huge reach, I feel that what I do is valuable. But here I am, watching people I follow like @CooperSBeckett and Steak&Tequila speaking up, and I feel compelled to join them, by saying Swingers, stop swinging.
I won’t mince words here with my point. There are swingers right now who are putting their sexual lusts ahead of the good of the community and that makes me sick to the stomach. I am not OK with hotel takeovers during this global pandemic. I am not OK with sex clubs being open, claiming that they are only open to consenting adults who know the risks, because there are just no get out of jail free cards here. I recognize that the club owners need to keep their livelihood, but the cost is just too great here. I have empathy for every small business owner out there, but you cannot put people in harms way for profit. You just can’t, it’s wrong.
I am going stir crazy at home. I hate not being able to go out and meet new people in person like I used to do. I miss dancing, flirting, having sex in front of a group of consenting adults. I hate the isolation, and yeah, my libido feels like a caged animal right now. I even broke my favourite vibrator due to over use. But, my love of my fellow man is more important. These are small sacrifices in the grand scheme of things.
I’ve said it before, but when you go to a sex party during a pandemic, you are putting the cleaning staff, uber/cab drivers, liquor store clerks, grocery store clerks, and each and everyone of your family members at unnecessary risk. Why? Because you selfishly need to get laid! Often these innocent bystanders are lower income, and don’t have the choice to say no to work. But guess what? You, have the choice to put your sex drive on pause, for the good of others.
There has been such a push for consent, and if you’re a swinger I know you have heard the word. Well, consent isn’t just about sex. Consent is a norm that should be extended to all humans we interact with. And let’s face it, there is no way you are telling your elderly parents that you can’t see them for 14 days because you have to isolate after sex with strangers. There is no way, you are telling your babysitter that you are wearing a mask to drive them home, because you have just had your face in a stranger’s crotch. While swingers are more adept at hiding their lifestyle, if no one is supposed to be going out in groups, you stand out like a sore thumb! Just stop it!
I want to get back out there in 2021. But the more I see about people saying, bring your parties to Florida, we have no restrictions. Or emails saying, the hotel takeover was sold out in record time, and we are looking for a bigger venue. Or advertisements of podcasts driving across the country bringing the parties to you! I am just… tired. So tired. And sexually frustrated, and there is no end in sight.
If you are reading this, and feel it is a stretch and I am drawing ridiculous conclusions, I actually feel very sorry for you. In fact, I think I am under reacting, because the damage you are doing to the integrity of the non-monogamous community is heartbreaking. When this is over, we may have to go back underground, hide in shame, and stop using the word ethical. That crushes my soul. It’s a loss I am not prepared for. So please, cancel your events. Stop taking risks in the name of sex. And follow this simple rule, if you’re not willing to be open and honest in seeking consent when putting anyone into contact with you, you probably shouldn’t do it!
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Please note that this article does contain affiliate links of which I earn a small commission that helps fuel my blog, but more importantly, hooks you up with amazing products that I have verified as awesome!
My Original plan when I was I sent two of the Calexotics line from Betty’s Toy Box to try, was to review the Catalina Climaxer, and then do a fun comparison review for the second. However, I very soon realized that this orange pleasure product was in fact amazing and needed a stand alone post! Colour me very, very surprised. With all the toys I have been testing as of late, I really did not expect one to stand out the way that it did. So, let me tell you all about it!
Firstly, it is now my second largest buzzing toy in my toy box. And the crazy thing is, the silicon is so soft and supple, that it takes only a slight bit of lube to slide right into place. I have a toy from different company of similar girth and made with silicon, that doesn’t even hold a torch to this comfort level and smoothness. So, buyers, please be aware that not all silicon is created equal. The Calexotics have exceeded my expectations with an almost silky, yet firm feel, and very easy to clean.
Now let us get onto the testing. My when I first turned it on, I actually
burst out giggling at the sheer drive of the clitoral stimulator. It actually has a visible pounding action
that both terrified and intrigued me. I
have not experienced anything like that before.
Usually it is a vibration, with various speeds and rhythms. But this, was something else entirely. And I should mention, I am not positive how durable
something like this will be in the long term.
I can only pound my clit so many times in a day right?!? But for the two-week
testing I did, there was absolutely zero sign of wear or of it slowing
Unfortunately, the incredible strength of the clitoral
thumping does come with a downside, and that my dears, is the sound. This is my noisiest toy. It isn’t annoying by any means, but there is
no chance of having a discrete playtime while your partner sleeps beside
you. This little thumper will absolutely
wake a person up. But, holy hell, they
would be waking up to quite a lot of fun!
So, maybe this is a plus?
The battery life is great, the size, and shape are amazing. And once I got the clitoral arm in place, I was basically holding on for an amazing ride. I am fully on board with this line of toys, and cannot wait to see what else they can come up with. Thank you Betty’s Toy Box, for helping me get through this quarantine with so much extra fun!
If you want to see some of the behind the scenes photos taken during my toy testing, Patreon would be the best place to find those little gems, and then make sure to purchase one of these amazing toys for your household!
Thank you all for reading part I! And now for what you all have been waiting for, a few sexy highlights from our hotel takeover New Years Eve adventures! With three nights there, it is difficult to list everything that happened, but let me share the moments that make me the most eager to go back.
One of the clearest memories that I have is riding the
elevator down to the first meet and greet, and allowing my eyes, and ears to
take in the magnitude of where we were. To
our left was a live DJ, and in the room before us, were a bunch of like-minded people,
sipping cocktails, munching on appetizers, and just acting cool as cucumbers. It was what you would imagine any meet and
greet would be on the surface, people just there to socialize, and make new
connections. But then, this ethereal
feeling takes hold, and you realize that you are sharing a hotel, that is
filled to the brim with sex positive people, and the possibilities that being
there holds. A huge smile appeared on my
face in that moment, and my partner and I held hands as we sauntered up to the
bar and began the first of our introductions.
It’s a memory that will live with me for a long time.
The second memory that stands out is when I was told my
boobs were so perfect that they looked fake.
Here I was, playing a version of strip poker, lying topless on the bed, with
3 other couples and one of the guys across couldn’t stop staring at my
breasts. After he asked if they were
fake, the whole room starting talking about breasts, and comparing each other’s
in the most sex positive, and supporting way I have ever experienced first
hand. All the partners clearly loved
their women, and it showed by how they proudly displayed their favorite tits,
and the women all giggled appreciatively for the attention and praise. Such a beautiful moment, filled with
magnificent breasts! And holy crap did
that ever lead to some sexy fantasies later that night as I embark on my bi
For the third memory, I asked my partner what stood out most
in his mind. And of course, in true me fashion
I asked when we were sipping beer at a local craft brewery, and did not write
his words down exactly. So, I hope he
forgives me if I don’t type it as eloquently as he remembers. On new years eve, the version of strip poker
required that a truth or dare element be the penalty if you found yourself
naked. My partner got to choose the dare
for a beautiful and sexy woman who was laying naked on the bed across from
us. He dared her to give her husband a
blow job, and she delightedly got on all fours (butt high in the air, facing my
partner and I) and began to suck and stroke his cock. She took her duty seriously and after about
10 minutes, the couple beside her told her she could stop so we could resume
the game. She gave a delightful pout, licked
his cock a few more times, and then bounced right back into card game mode. It
As a special bonus and conclusion memory, my partner and I
agreed that one of our shared highlights was on New Years Day, with just the
two of us. I was standing naked on our
balcony, on this beautiful and very sunny start to 2020, when my partner came
up behind me, and started fucking me from behind. With the view of pool to our
left, and our 10th floor landscape before us, he brought me to orgasm
more than a few times. As he was ready
to cum, he bent me over the railing and shot a full and glistening load all
over my back. It was so incredibly
hot! The exhibitionism of that moment,
the sunshine all over our naked bodies, and the knee buckling orgasms… it is
almost too much to type even days later.
So, with my 2020 kicking off with the most incredible orgasms, I am refueled, and ready to tackle what I hope will be an amazing year. Cheers to all of you for the love and support, retweets, questions, and of course an extra thank you to those who check out my Patreon from time to time. May the good vibes flow free this year, and I look forward to continuing this sex positive adventure with you all!
Over the past few weeks, I have been branching out my writing, podcasting, and now I need a little bit of help. Some of you have been reading since the very beginning of this blog, while some of you are very new, or just occasional readers. So, no matter how you happen upon this little post, your feedback, and input are equally important.
Breaking Away From Monogamy
Firstly, this blog has and will remain about my random thoughts on everything to do with relationships, non-monogamy, and all subject matters that relate to sex positivity. But further to that, I have developed a sex positive podcast, currently called BreakingAway. In this, my aim to is talk about all subject matter related to being sex positive, sex education, and exploring other people’s relationships and why they are a part of this incredible sex positive community. So, in the comments section, are there any topics that you would like me to explore? What burning questions do you have that you would love to hear me talk about?
Second up, if you follow me on twitter, you may have noticed that I have begun to write a few erotic fantasies. So, dear readers, where would the best fit be for me to post these? A few suggestions would be a teaser called blog after dark, whereby I write the first part, and then the second for any Patreon fans who want to read more. Or another suggestion would be for me to add an audio component to my Patreon and actually read a few of these for anyone who wants to read them. I have a few reasons for not wanting this erotic writing to just be free on my blog, is the subject matter. If my website gets flagged for erotica or porn, then I will have major hurdles to deal with when it comes to the branding of it. There are so many new rules right now for the word porn, sex, etc. and really, I just don’t want to have to censor myself. And making these posts public, would mean I have to. So what are your thoughts? How would you want to consume my non-monogamous fantasy shorts? Please write in the comments.
Non-Monogamous Relationship Coaching
Third, is my dating and relationship coaching website. I have been toying with the idea of shutting this down altogether and bringing a few tabs over onto my main blog page breakingawayfrommonogamy. While this would save me a bit of money, ultimately, the majority of you have asked me to keep it separate. So, if you are looking for book reviews, recommendations, non-monogamous dating or relationships coaching I do have a separate website that you can reach me at breakingawayfromrelationshipnorms.com. I have had so many people reach out to me over the years, that it would be a shame to shut down that resource side and that is not what I want to do. I want to be available to help, answer questions, and basically remain a resource. So if you are curious, please feel to reach out to me there, and we can discuss the next steps.
Sex Positive Books and Blogs
Fourth and final thought. Earlier this summer, I announced my newest website which is sex positive books and blogs. The hope was for this to be a resource centre for people to explore media related to being sex positive. I have reached out to a few contributors to share their books, blogs, podcasts, etc and the response has been amazing so far. For my end, it has been a matter of finding the time to ensure that I am promoting and placing your amazing contributions in an easy to use place. This is still a go, but it will take a bit more time before I make it active. So thank you, and please stay tuned on the Twitter news feed for my next announcement.
Contact Me or Comment Below
So, that about summarizes my questions for you. I would love for you to comment, and share your thoughts and ideas about where you want what, and how you best enjoy consuming your sex positive content! If you do feel uncertain about posting publicly, you may also DM or e-mail me. The only caveat if you don’t want to make it public, is that I would ask is you please like this post on whatever social media you see it on so I can get the most feedback possible and best plan for the fall.
Aka: Want to Start a Sex Blog? A Few Tips/Tricks and Mistakes I Have Made Blogging about Breaking Away From Monogamy
I started blogging in the summer of 2011 because I had a personal mission to work through a major problem I was facing in my life, and in my overconfident brain I figured a few people would be curious about the subject matter: non-monogamy. When I wrote my first post, as I’m sure a few of you have, it was from a place of heartbreak. I was motivated by a single thought, which was simply to write my story. As a result, I did zero research into making a blog readable, successful, profitable, or even clickable or shareable. I basically went in blind, thinking my clear mission statement would be enough for everything else to fall into place, whatever that ended up being. It turns out, it wasn’t. So let me share with you a few practical tips that I have learned over the years, often as a result of going in the completely wrong direction, and wherever I can, I will post practical links that will actually help you, especially if you want to talk about things that are taboo (affiliate links will be a part of this post, and do help me earn a small commission to cover my hosting fees, but I will get more into that shortly).
First things first, the reason this post is a little different to many “how do I write a blog post” is that I am gearing this towards taboo subject matter and the specific hurdles when you write about the word sex. So let’s get started with the first lesson I learned: Anonymity
Picking Your Name or Title
When I first got started, I used an alias, as so many out there choose to do. The thing was, I picked an alias that is in a language foreign to many of my readers. I chose, @k-ghislaine (which you can easily click to follow me on Twitter), and while it is meaningful to me, it is completely unsearchable, pronounceable, and instantly I created a situation where I would have to self-promote everything I put out. Now this was a choice I made consciously, and thought it would protect my work/life/relationship status. However, with that being the focus, what did I immediately do? Oh that’s right, I mass e-mailed the link to everyone in my address book, and posted the blog link on Facebook, under my own personal account. The take away? Choose your target, and decide how you are going to use your blog, podcast, or whatever medium that shares your unique message. And think beyond the heartache towards the scale-ability factor because you never know where something like this may take you. And this holds true for your blogs name, domain, and basically every social media handle you choose, so choose wisely.
Sex Positive Monetization
I have zero doubt that this is the main reason that you are reading this post. And the thing about this is, I am in no way pro yet. I make enough to cover all my fees incurred, and occasionally a little more. My blog, has always be like a journal for me, where if it makes a little that’s a bonus, but if not, that’s totally OK too, I will still blog. That being said, I know how daunting it can be to start researching ways to actually monetize your content, especially if you have nudity, talk about anything taboo, or dare I say, use the word sex in any way shape or form. When you get started, you are faced with a zillion and one hurdles, especially once you start reading the fine print on all the monetization sites available or affiliate programs that mainstream content creators have access to. Please don’t let that get you down, you still have options, it just might take a little more work.
One of the first paths I took that actually generated a little financial interest in my blog was doing a sex toy review. And not just any toy, a couple’s toy! Honestly, it was a lot of fun. I loved the anticipation of waiting for the new toy, testing it out, and ultimately writing the post. I totally understand the appeal of it, and would happily do one again in the future. But I would caution you about one thing, things are changing with toy reviews. You are very limited as to the pictures you take, where you can share them on social media, and the biggest reason I don’t do many is the competition aspect. There are so many incredible toy reviewers out there and honestly, I don’t feel like I offer anything unique to that discussion. In summary, product reviews are amazing, just make sure you offer something new, exciting, or unique to your audience or you will not retain them.
The second path I took, and take, is writing sponsored posts, or paid blogs for other sites. This is my clear favorite, as I love the exposure and the community building this brings. Ultimately, my goals are different than many out there, but if you really hustle to create incredible content, this works really well. There are some incredible resources out there when it comes to pitching, and if you would like me to share some insight on my techniques feel free to comment or reach out to me via whichever social media you found me on!
And finally the third, which is affiliate links (Such as this one for lube, sex toys, and condoms!) . Now these can be tricky to find for those who talk about sex in any depth beyond what I do. The reason I notice that is I have always walked a fine line between education and sharing sexy adventures. And that is both a blessing and a curse when it comes to banners or links that will actually pay me out. If you write sexualized content, you can find affiliate links on toy sites, P&%N pages, and with other promoters of the more XXX content. If you simply try to educate, you can find safe sex banners, STD testing sites, and that sort of thing. The key here, is to think outside of the box. What does your site say, and what products would you be happy to buy yourself and then promote? So, reach out to known sex positive industries, or sign up to affiliate sites specifically catered to sex and industry. There are a few out there, you just have to be a little savvy when searching them. And please, for the love of all that is holy, research the company first. It’s not worth making big bucks if your spreading hate, misinformation, or something that goes against your messages key values. That makes you a sellout and you will NOT retain traffic. If you go on my home page you will see a few banners from companies I love working with, but again, those may not work for the type of content you are creating. So be reasonable. It is not enough to just put up a banner and then watch the money roll in. Monetization takes special work, especially with the word Sex.
Writing content that people give a damn about is tough, even when your subject matter is titillating. And the major factor for this is people en masse are scared of sex. Individuals are typically rational, but group people in a room, and restrictions come at you from every angle. As a result, you will run into many issues when trying to spread your content. There are quite a few sites who won’t even take your money, or allow you to collect your hard earned dollars as a direct result of your subject matter. My biggest word of wisdom here is to read the fine print. Sure a site like Amazon may allow you sign up to be an affiliate, but if there is nudity anywhere, you are going to have a difficult time collecting your earnings. And that goes for all social media that you use. Understanding the restrictions is key to maximizing your influence (And no, I don’t mean be an influencer, but know your content may have an impact on someone so be mindful).
What has made me the most successful in getting noticed you may ask? The answer, is not caring what other people think and posting content that makes me feel like a whole human being. On each of my social media accounts I find meaning in actually connecting with people and not using it as just a platform to spam people with my words. There are quite a few studies right now to measure peoples happiness levels in conjunction to their social media usage and guys, I must say, there is a lot of truth to this. Whenever I portray myself as an object, or just a brand, I become miserable and need more and more frequent social media breaks. Whereas, when I am actively engaged, learning, reading others stuff, and building community I absolutely love it! So the takeaway, be mindful when you’re trying to get your work noticed. Don’t let the goal of becoming internet famous supersede your mental health. Better to have a few amazing fans, than a multitude of trolls.
Once you do find your stride, and have people who care enough to share, engage, or follow you, I highly recommend setting up a Patreon page. Without question, this has been the most rewarding experience for me. I cry (happy tears) with every new subscriber, even the ones who only pledge for a few hours. It’s incredible know that there are people out there who love your work enough to pledge a little bit of money to it. And with Patreon, you can make it your own and choose rewards that actually matter to your fans. I love the freedom of it all, and for me, I use it mostly to show off all the behind the scenes stuff I can’t put on my blog. But don’t let that sway you. Make your content anyway you choose!
When I first started blogging (My blogging reason), I used a free site with Blogspot. It was Google based and included SEO and rankings. It was a glorious. Then, tragedy struck. I gained a little bit of popularity and got flagged for my content. I had flown under the radar for years, even using adsense, but I think those days are pretty much over. With all the new restrictions and fears over sex, I quickly had to go self hosted, build a new site to maintain my own freedom of expression. It seemed like overnight I had to basically learn everything about building a site, hosting it, and my latest endeavor… SEO.
Honestly, for me, this is my current pet project. I spend a few minutes every day learning new tips/tricks to increase my organic views. And holy crap, the most interesting thing I have learned, is just how incredibly bad my blogspot site was! And how, in the blogging world, I have pretty much done everything wrong. Why do I share that? Because it is OK. I am learning from this, and I am so proud to have loyal readers who enjoyed my content even though the presentation was absolute garbage. So don’t feel bad, ever! If the content is something you take pride of, everything else will follow.
If you enjoyed this post, by all means, reach out! And if you have questions, want to start your own blog, or shift over to a self hosted site, I have written 3 sites which are live and am working on my fourth. If you need a graphic designer, I am currently working with one who is incredible and the perfect match for this sex positive blogger and her vision. Again, reach out. I would love to share my knowledge and help you succeed where I have failed, or in rare instances succeeded.
There is always more to learn, and I hope in a few years, I can write one of these with all the new lessons I have learned, because knowledge is power, and should always be shared!