The Game: I Finally Read It! Here Are My Thoughts and a Question For You [Book Review]

After years of putting it off, I finally sat down and read The Game, by Neil Strauss (Which you can purchase through, and support this blog) and let me just say it was not what I was expecting, well not entirely.  Being a full time dating and relationship coach by trade, I had read so many synopsis’ and references to the book, that at first I felt I didn’t need to sit and read it.  And for the actual rules, the Pick Up Artist (PUA) information and the way that men are directed to treat or rather not treat, woman to get their digits my suspicions were correct.  I had no idea though, the depth or research that went into Pick Up (PU).  I can see how it so easily becomes a full time job, based on all the books, seminars, online forums and real world weekend sessions that go into it.  So, my hat is tipped to anyone who has put that much effort into the quest to crack the female code.  And here I was expecting to be disgusted and ashamed of anyone that had read the book and tried to implement its theories.

What was also incredibly surprising was just how depressing the book was.  How soulless it made PUA look and the depth with which these often young men were removed from interacting with people normally, after being properly educated in the mystic arts of getting laid.  I almost felt sorry for a few of the guys who got into PU because they were so insecure or bad with women, and ended up simply having notches on their belts, rather than fulfilling relationships or real knowledge about the opposite sex.  Again, this was not what I was expecting going in.  I anticipated some male blustering and many pats on the back, look at how amazing pick up artists are.  It seemed that it was titled accurately, it’s a game, it’s The Game.

As a female reading this book, I admit that I was absolutely and completely enraptured with it from beginning to end.  It was a complete mindfuck to me that men, thought they had figured out how to seduce women with a few simple tricks, routines and props.  And much more, that the stats proved it was successful the majority of the time.  We know there are exceptions to every rule, but without a doubt, these tactics worked and probably still work, who knows, they have probably even worked on me a time or two.  What was even more interesting though, is that even with this formula, this magic way of opening up a female, it couldn’t get you past sex.  It didn’t teach you how to interact long term, or create a lasting bond that is a core desire for almost every human on the planet.  In the end, it was still a bunch of dudes, circle jerking and coming up with new and more creative ways to out do the masters, or to become masters themselves.  The power play became more important than finding happiness with a partner.

The takeaway I felt after reading was that all this effort and education would have been better spent on self improvement and the money on prostitutes or escorts.  The long term value of that combination seems a much safer investment and more productive overall.  Winning at a game is great for bragging with the guys, but if that’s all you end up with, an ego boost and a sock drawer full of contact information have you really used your time wisely?  Because that was the major flaw with this game, that there was no definitive end point.  It’s not like monopoly where the game ends once someone flips over the table. The skills aren’t transferable into a relationship, or meaningful commitments so there is no happily ever after.  And if you’re looking to rise to the top or collect the most numbers, well there is a flaw in that too… the game would never be over.  So you would be left miserable and lonely, simply objectifying every women you meet, and screwing over every guru who shared their knowledge in the futile quest for dominance.  So then, I am left wondering if the title is ironic.  As “The Game” has no clear ending, is it really a game?  Can you really crack the code to universally get into someone’s pants?  Obviously, you can’t, but desperation and the desire to get laid is a remarkable motivator to try isn’t it?

So I ask you, men, who have read The Game, what is your take away?  Did you pick and choose some valuable tidbits and dismiss the rest?  Did you perhaps become so involved in it that is became your world for a while, like many of the characters?  Or did you put it down and dismiss it outright?  Or something entirely different?  What impact did this book or the teaching of PUA have on you?  Comment below 🙂

Some Funnier Online Dating Moments

If you have been following me for a while, you will see that I have tried to give helpful online dating advice.  Although I know my sincerity sometimes gets misconstrued for humour, there are times when I can do nothing but laugh at the absurdity of some of the messages or interactions I have had. 

The Masseuse

A few weeks ago, I came across an attractive male’s online dating profile.  When I clicked on his picture to read his biography, as I do before messaging anyone, I was a little caught off guard.  Basically, he wrote that he was happily married and a friend of his told him about this dating site and how it could help his business.  The business was feet massages.  I was a little confused at this point as to why someone was selling something on a dating site for meeting people, but hey, fine.  Then the kicker.  He wrote that a friend of his had him massage her feet, and it was so wonderful that he needed to expand his business.  And that, perhaps once women found out how amazing his massage was, they would realize that they were seeking a foot rub, rather than a man.  Ahem, I am not sure a foot rub, no matter how amazing could replace a partner, but hey, maybe you do get what you pay for.

Here is another one for you, called Winning the Lottery

Although I joke about winning the lottery with E, I have never seriously considered even buying a ticket, let alone winning.  But a few months back I got a message that got me thinking.  I was approached online by a man who had actually won the lottery.  He was fairly old (mid 50’s), bought a baseball team and was dating a 23 year old.  To top it all off, they swing and were looking for a couple to date.  They travel around Alberta as they have the money to do so, to have hot nights with couples.  So many questions started running through my head.

Did this guy always believe in non monogamy or did winning 1 million dollars give him the confidence to do so.  Did the young lady know him prior to his winnings?  Does money actually make a man more attractive?   All these questions and more went spiralling through my head.  To bum out my readers, I never actually met the man in person.  I made my decision on this guy based on his profile and his picture.  I did not get swayed by the possibility this guy was telling the truth and would spoil E and I.  But it seems even millionaires use free online dating apps to meet people.  Who knew?

The Seduction, Well Sort of

Twice now, I have been messaged by cute blond girls.  Maybe it is the same girl, using a different alias each time, but either way, here is how this one goes.  “Hey Sweetie, you’re super cute”.  Me flattered of course engages in conversation.  Then after a few messages, the purpose is revealed.  “So, I have this fantasy, but each time I write in on this site I get blocked, can I have your number?”.  Me, being the paranoid lady that I am, refuse this request and ask for more information on what this fantasy is that could possibly get her blocked.   “I have this hot fantasy, where a stranger seduces my boyfriend, then I find out, and have really hot sex with him”.  Uh, what?  The game plan is, a woman finds another woman online, then organizes the two of us meeting at a bar, and then I have to do all this work to seduce the guy.  And the rub is, in both scenarios, the guy has no idea it is happening.  Basically I am making him cheat on his girlfriend, but in the end, surprise, he wasn’t really cheating because she orchestrated the whole thing!  So yay!   And well, no.

And as for the drawing, that was from a sweet moment, when I stranger online asked if he could draw me from one of my posted pictures. My own personal, Titanic moment, and of course I said, absolutely.  

So there are a few of my funnier, or crazier online dating moments.  As always, I would love to hear a few of your out there.  And I am sure, that there will be a part II of this post in the future!  Stay tuned…

Oversimplification the Norm? Relationships are Not Black or White

I have pondering how best to make my views clear about how dating and relationships are changing in our society.  Although I have not come to any solid conclusion as to whether this is going to ultimately be a positive or a negative there are a few aspects that are definitely making me wonder just how out of touch we are with our fellow man.  I have long since known about such groups that glorify pick up artists or vilify depending on what side of the coin you are on.  I have some opinions that are based on personal experiences, and they have expanded my viewpoints from my previous stance that all PUA are slimy and could never get in my pants.  I constantly am evolving my views based on new information and education, but I fear I may be in the minority.  Specifically I fear that groups the utilize seduction are becoming dangerously polarized and are missing the point of why these techniques work and more importantly overlook the centuries of research and hard work.
Yesterday I read about a society called the red pill.  I do not want to over simplify them as that would result in contributing to more polarized views and that is not my intent.  However for purposes of this blog and sharing new information about relationships I will do a quick summary.  The Red Pill ‘society’ has evolved as men’s rebuttal to feminism.  As women are becoming accepted as equal, having more places in society where their voices can be heard, there exists a group of men who fear that they are losing some ground.  They are trying to use the art of seduction, the game, and pick up techniques to bring about a new and defined purpose for themselves.  Unfortunately the majority of criticism stems from how woman are viewed in this new level of consciousness.  If men are fighting feminism, then woman stand to be objectified, and purposed for sex and reproduction alone.  I should mention that inherent in the red pill is the dichotomy of the blue pill group which arguably have features and the mentality opposite to the red ‘pillars’. 
Why does it constantly seem that society is so hell bent on putting our world and relationships into categories.  You are a feminist or a red pill follower.  This branched into you think like a red pill or a blue pill person.  Little boxes, and categories that do nothing to bring us closer together.  The aim seems to be separation, dichotomies, and a place where you belong.  With all our education, viewpoints and surplus of ideas available should we not be fighting these norms?  Should we not be attempting to expand and utilize all the materials we have available and think in more 3 dimensional states rather than this mere 2D? 

I have read quite a few books on seduction, sex, relationships, and self help books.  I do this with intention of bettering myself, and strengthening the relationships I have with those around me.  I forget sometimes that these resources can be used to control, or to create unnecessary competition between our peers.  Alpha beta battles among men, feminism or red pill between the sexes, all frame works created within the last few decades polarizing how we treat each other.  Should we not be able to see beyond the black and white?  To exist in a world of colour, where by we cease oversimplifying everything we see.  Where we accept that there can be multiple opinions and states of being that expand our horizons and challenge us to be individuals?  Whole humans, not categorized, not dichotomized, not put into labels and dismissed?  

The Illusion of Stability

I can almost always see both sides to every discussion.  It is a quality that I really like about myself although it has come across as indecisive or look like I am irresolute in my convictions.  Recently I had that discussion about where are we going, and where are we at with E.  It is a conversation that I know men do not enjoy and yet it seems that women in general just cannot help but have from time to time.  I know I like the fantasy of stability, and security.  I would like to know that I have a partner who is with me and I can openly talk to and lean on in times of trouble as well as share my joys with.  I believe in working on a strong foundation in a relationship and that makes living an open lifestyle easier and more fulfilling.
My perspective however is not shared, and it is not the first time I have heard this.  The male mentality of things are going good why change things is often infuriating to hear.  I am a person who sets goals for the future, plans, and enjoys working on things and making relationships better.   Although I have done a tone of soul searching and found the benefits of living in the moment, inherently I like targets.  I do not like living in a linear feeling situation, I would much rather have little hills and valleys that make life interesting.  An ever changing vantage point versus just the status quo.  Every man that I have talked to about this though looks at me with that same look, the one that just does not comprehend how it can make any sense to change a good thing.
And I recognize when I see that incredulous look cross my partners face, that baffled look of shock implying that you cannot force or work on stability and security.  It just does not exist and is an illusion.  Aside from paperwork there is as much instability in marriage as there is in dating, these societal institutions do nothing to prevent one or both parties from changing their minds, or feelings.  And when put to me this way, I absolutely agree and I understand this rational and reasoning.  I understand the rolling of the eyes from my male counterparts, sighing that they are even have such an absurd conversation.  And yet, knowing all this and seeing both sides, I still bring it up.  I still long for the illusion of security and stability.  I still battle with myself and find temptation in wanting a norm.
I wrote this a few days ago, and now that I have had time to truly process both the conversation and this post I know deep down that stability and security is not a good place for me to be.  It promotes laziness, it creates a place where I stop trying to seduce, to have fun and to flirt.  It is a place I have been before, and that complacency is right where things end.  When partners become relaxed and far too at ease, partners stray and seek excitement elsewhere.  A gentle wake up call to myself that although I seek complacency from time to time, the reality is that that place is the most unstable of all.

Our Dating World is Constantly Changing

As sex becomes more common place in the media and in various discussions its impact to dating is really starting to be felt.  Decades ago sex was never talked about in the presence of mixed company, whereas today we laugh and joke about the subject with much more freedom.  My girlfriend and I were recently discussing the increased frequency with which guys whom we have not even met will begin to discuss sex.  I wrote about the guy who crossed the line with me in my saying no post, and although that is an extreme example it is becoming a bit of an issue. 

On the one hand the desire to be sex positive and open is a strong one.  If I so choose I should be free to share my sexual orientation and expectations with the company of my choosing.  I am free to write and to share my thoughts and feelings on the subject without fear of negative responses.  I am grateful for these freedoms and I love writing.  What I am noticing with more frequency though is the lack of timing and appropriateness for these discussions.  If you were to online date today I guarantee that at least half if not more of these seemingly amazing guys would bring up sex and dirty talk/text prior to meeting face to face with the person they are interested in pursuing.

The online world has made it too easy to go for it right up front and really push the boundaries as far as they can.  These are strangers with whom they have not yet met so no harm, no foul, and if they get a bad reaction they can quickly move onto the next target.  The natural tendency to objectify that with which you have had no actual contact with is surprisingly easy.  Men and woman do this alike, gay and straight, and everything in between and outside. 

So where does this leave the recipient?  In a position that they have to speak up clearly and concisely and state where there boundaries are.  Almost every time I have stated that I will not discuss sex or anything related to that prior to meeting a person I have been thanked for being honest and the relationship progressed smoothly.  But until I figured this out I was frustrated and upset at being objectified like this by strangers.  Men wanting giving me the first impression that all they wanted was to get into the females skirts (or pants whatever your preference) throughout the centuries, which I do not think has ever changed.  What is changing though is the timing and the technology with which to broach these subjects.  People are becoming more forward and spending less time with the flirtation and romance.  And that can be incredibly uncomfortable for those of us who are newly dating.  The old norms of dinner then first kiss, second date and hitting 3rd base, and the third date home run are completely unused now. 

Online dating has taken a lot of the seduction out of the game, and it is going to be a hard push to get that back.  The recipient has to find a voice to lay out the game plan of what will and will not happen, and that is a real game changer, especially for a girl who loves to flirt and get flirted with in return.  It will be very interesting to see how this current climate plays out, and if the seducers will again stand out in time for their rarity, or be swept up and ignored for the flashy is better mentality.

For all the behind the scenes, and bonus content, check out my Patreon!