Challenge Time!!! #30DaysSexPositive

#30DaysSexPositive

Welcome to the third edition of the sex positive challenge! If this is your first time checking this out, congrats. For those who are joining me for the second or third time, I truly hope you find the challenges involving, fun, and at times thought provoking, and a little sexy? Springtime always makes me feel renewed and ready to start new things, hence starting each May with a little challenge definitely gives me a libido boost. And I have to give a special shout out to all the amazing participants in the past, truly, you amaze me with your insight, sexiness, and openness! I am so inspired and in awe of this amazing community. Thank you!

Now let us take a look at what May 2021’s challenge will entail.

Where?

In the past I have posted on all my social media each morning. This go around I’m going to try something a little different by posting daily on my Sex Positive Books and Blogs account, and then doing a weekly roundup of posts on IG, and Facebook. While engagement was increasing on the later two accounts, the actual home bases are not sex friendly, so I want to stick to what currently allows community building and open freedom of speech (Twitter). 

In short, daily challenges will go on Twitter, and I will complete them through my personal account so you have two easy ways to find them.

What?

Once you have found the daily challenge, take whatever time you need to complete it.  Then the choice is yours to simply re-tweet using the #30DaysSexPositive or to share with the sex positive community something about the challenge you’re comfortable with, be it pictures, a blog post, music, or just a few words about it (using the hashtag of course).  The whole point is embrace to sex as a natural part of our humanity, and to explore different ways of thinking in a safe, consent based environment. And it is far more fun with community participation!

I want you to challenge yourself in whatever way you feel comfortable. That is part of the reason I don’t have prizes at this stage in the game. Penalizing someone for not completing a day due to it being outside their comfort zone does not sit well with me. This is designed to be a personal journey, that I hope brings you one step closer to embracing your sexual self.

Inclusivity

One important note, I do strive to make each challenge completely inclusive. If for whatever reason you are not able to complete a challenge due to something I have overlooked, please send me a quick DM, explaining why so I can rectify it. I am still learning myself, and I want to ensure that this is sex positive and welcoming environment for all participants.

With that said, if you are ready to challenge yourself for this #30DaysSexPositive Challenge, welcome to our third edition!  I hope you have fun, and make it the whole 30 days! 

If you love this challenge and are wondering how to support more sex positive efforts in the future, my Patreon page is always open or check out one of my amazing affiliate banners on my home page.

Non-Monogamy is Not a Luxury

Non-monogamy is NOT a luxury

As much as I adore when people discover that there is a world outside of monogamy, I equally loath the stuff that comes out of their mouths (especially from those who have done zero research!). While I have ranted before on the judge first, ask questions later, this post is about people who claim that non-monogamy is merely a luxury. In fact, there was a person lurking on R/nonmonogamy who made a comment to this point and went on to say it should be easy to just discard it when faced with obstacles (like the current pandemic). And I feel that we are finally deep enough inside this year of hell, that I can talk about this subject without accidentally encouraging people to race out and have sex with a bunch of random people. My main message is still clear, non-monogamy must stay on hold.  But, when it comes to people trying to just brand these relationships as a luxury, I, have many thoughts… AKA this post. So join me as I try and process everything that makes me cringe about this line of thinking.

Non-monogamy takes an insane amount of work.  Yes, maybe you could draw a correlation that luxury items are expensive, therefore take a lot of money and effort to get, and non-monogamy has similar parallels. However, the truth is this is a correlation vs causation fallacy.  Non-monogamy, while on the surface may seem like something unnecessary, the fact of the matter is that for many (myself included) it is an essential extension of who we are as sexual and social beings. There is no luxury to be found. Rarely do you get to just sit back and marvel at your new toy.  Nope, you are constantly working, scheduling, talking, flirting, co-ordinating, and compromising. Sure, you have the incredible afterglow of a first meeting, sexy session, or incredible flirtation, but let me tell you, it is more like a full-time job, than an item we lust over.

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Now, perhaps you think that it is selfish to be non-monogamous, as many luxury items often are. Why you ask, can you not just settle down with one person.  One person is rational, level headed, but to seek more than that… sheesh? And I say to you… NO!  What if you were in a sexless marriage?  What if you loved your partner so much that you wanted to help them live out their fantasy?  What if you believed in free love?  What if you were just inherently polyamorous and recognized that loving more than one person was the most natural thing in the world to you? Would any of these questions be akin to a luxury item? Definitely not.  So, whereas luxury items are not necessary, non-monogamy often is.

Having to pause a part of who you are for the greater good is not easy. I am a social person, who thrives around people and with physical touch and intimacy. That being said, I would never put myself, or my partner in jeopardy to fullfill these urges. And while the original person who got me riled up went onto explain how amazing it was getting back to monogamy, calling out everyone who swings, is poly, or practices any level of non-monogamy as a trifle want really pissed me off. I have had to close off a part of who I am, and how I engage with other people, for the greater good. This isn’t like giving up an extravagant trip to that upscale steakhouse, that I crave all the time. Or cancelling that yacht vacation that you had been saving up for all year. No non-monogamy is much more than that for me. And having people just dismiss it hurts.

There is one more thing that I will add. Luxury items are in essence a way to splurge, brag, or are simply an extravagance that enhance a moment, goal, or express a want. For me embracing non-monogamy has made me a better person. I am more open to situations, and far more loving.  And if I am completely honest have become a much more passionate and expressive soul as a result of not having to hold anything back. While I cherish a few rings, and that bottle of champagne I hope to open this year, they are far removed from making me a better soul. And who out there can say the same about that fancy diamond?

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How to Respond When Someone Posts a Sexy Photo of Themselves Online

Sexy Pink Bra Selfie

I am working diligently on getting my life back to a place where I feel more whole.  And part of that journey has included a stark realization, that may I never actually get there, and to just put my happiness on hold until that magical moment arrives is foolhardy at best.  So, when something joyful happens in my life, I now smile, pause, reflect, enjoy it, basically I have given myself permission to start being the happy, optimistic person that I used to be.  Going back to my childhood nickname of “ray of sunshine” is, a dream come true.  So, with all of this in hand, I posted a sexy image on Twitter last week whereby I said “somedays you have to wear that bra that makes your boobs look incredible under that most unassuming t-shirt”. 

I was celebrating the fact that I was feeling sexy, just for me.  I was at a point again, where I was feeling playful, and fun.  And within moments I received this message “I’m sorry.. no bra beats the look of a hard nipple under some cloth”.  I was shocked.  The comment literally had zero purpose.  And I realized that some people just need to be heard.  They feel it is their duty to comment on everything, to voice their opinions, and to use another person’s celebration as a platform for their own purpose.  And for a the next few hours, I got trolled hard.  Two male accounts in particular started clamoring for how I posted something public, and therefore any and all opinions and comments should be expected.  I was in the wrong for trying to moderate my own content.  And their opinions deserved to be heard just as loudly as mine.  It was, asinine. 

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You can read the whole thing on my Twitter under the same picture on this post if you’re bored, but let me pull out just one more quote from the account in question as he tried to explain why he wrote his comment “all I did was indicate my preference for the braless look.  It wasn’t about you”.  Obviously there was a clamoring of “then why write that”, which fell on deaf ears.  It was now about something vastly different than the original intent of feeling confident enough to share that I was feeling sexy.  It was showing a glaring truth about the social media sphere of things.  And I almost wanted to say “if you can’t saying anything nice, then don’t say anything at all”.  But you see, I don’t actually believe in that.  We as a society are too nice.  We don’t want to offend anyone so, we keep our opinions to ourselves.  What really needs to be said, is something along the lines of relevance.  Why do you feel the need to comment.  Are you adding to the conversation?  Is there relevance?  Context is king here.

What did the guy really want out of that comment?  Was he looking to see me without a bra, or with hard nipples instead?  Yeah, probably, however when I asked him flat out his intent, he didn’t seem to know.  He couldn’t articulate the rational for writing that.  And that is where my main aggravation comes from.  If you want to add to the conversation, debate, have a real conversation I am 100% for that.  But, I am not here to just be your soapbox, or have you piggyback off of my content.  

Now, you are probably asking why I titled this blog the way I did.  Quite simply, because context is everything.  Use those reading comprehension skills that you learned in elementary, and apply them.  If someone posts an article, picture, video, podcast, really anything, before you comment ask yourself what their intent is, and then ask yourself, why are you really commenting? Are you adding to the conversation?  Are you looking for something different?  Are you displeased with something?  Are you trying to network or promote your own content?  The bottom line, is interact with purpose.  Know what that is, and be responsible for your own words just as the content creator is.  And remember the golden rule of the internet, nothing is every permanently deleted, so… don’t be that troll!

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Our Second New Years Takeover – Part II

The Sexy Side of Finally Doing a Takeover Right!

Fancy as Fuck

Thank you all for reading part I!  And now for what you all have been waiting for, a few sexy highlights from our hotel takeover New Years Eve adventures! With three nights there, it is difficult to list everything that happened, but let me share the moments that make me the most eager to go back.

One of the clearest memories that I have is riding the elevator down to the first meet and greet, and allowing my eyes, and ears to take in the magnitude of where we were.  To our left was a live DJ, and in the room before us, were a bunch of like-minded people, sipping cocktails, munching on appetizers, and just acting cool as cucumbers.  It was what you would imagine any meet and greet would be on the surface, people just there to socialize, and make new connections.  But then, this ethereal feeling takes hold, and you realize that you are sharing a hotel, that is filled to the brim with sex positive people, and the possibilities that being there holds.  A huge smile appeared on my face in that moment, and my partner and I held hands as we sauntered up to the bar and began the first of our introductions.  It’s a memory that will live with me for a long time.

The second memory that stands out is when I was told my boobs were so perfect that they looked fake.  Here I was, playing a version of strip poker, lying topless on the bed, with 3 other couples and one of the guys across couldn’t stop staring at my breasts.  After he asked if they were fake, the whole room starting talking about breasts, and comparing each other’s in the most sex positive, and supporting way I have ever experienced first hand.  All the partners clearly loved their women, and it showed by how they proudly displayed their favorite tits, and the women all giggled appreciatively for the attention and praise.  Such a beautiful moment, filled with magnificent breasts!  And holy crap did that ever lead to some sexy fantasies later that night as I embark on my bi curious exploration.

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For the third memory, I asked my partner what stood out most in his mind.  And of course, in true me fashion I asked when we were sipping beer at a local craft brewery, and did not write his words down exactly.  So, I hope he forgives me if I don’t type it as eloquently as he remembers.  On new years eve, the version of strip poker required that a truth or dare element be the penalty if you found yourself naked.  My partner got to choose the dare for a beautiful and sexy woman who was laying naked on the bed across from us.  He dared her to give her husband a blow job, and she delightedly got on all fours (butt high in the air, facing my partner and I) and began to suck and stroke his cock.  She took her duty seriously and after about 10 minutes, the couple beside her told her she could stop so we could resume the game.  She gave a delightful pout, licked his cock a few more times, and then bounced right back into card game mode. It was spectacular!

As a special bonus and conclusion memory, my partner and I agreed that one of our shared highlights was on New Years Day, with just the two of us.  I was standing naked on our balcony, on this beautiful and very sunny start to 2020, when my partner came up behind me, and started fucking me from behind. With the view of pool to our left, and our 10th floor landscape before us, he brought me to orgasm more than a few times.  As he was ready to cum, he bent me over the railing and shot a full and glistening load all over my back.  It was so incredibly hot!  The exhibitionism of that moment, the sunshine all over our naked bodies, and the knee buckling orgasms… it is almost too much to type even days later. 

So, with my 2020 kicking off with the most incredible orgasms, I am refueled, and ready to tackle what I hope will be an amazing year.  Cheers to all of you for the love and support, retweets, questions, and of course an extra thank you to those who check out my Patreon from time to time.  May the good vibes flow free this year, and I look forward to continuing this sex positive adventure with you all!

Being Sexual and Laughing It Off

Being Sexual

Recently, I rejected a guy on POF by stating that we were only looking for couples right now.  If you have heard me say this before, it is my standard rejection, and I state looking for couples right on my profile.  As sometimes happens, he got very upset with being told no, and responded with the length of his penis, followed by a picture of it.  True to form, I reported him, blocked him, and then went on to Twitter to vent my frustration and ask the age old question: Why do men still do this

While I received the usual support, I also received a shocking response.  While I am usually pretty level headed about the garbage I get being sex positive online this one got under my skin and rattled me.  A guy responded with “I can honestly not understand how you can be so humourless, yet pretend to be so sexual. And yes, block away”.  Wait a tick, my sexuality is being called into question because I was angry at receiving a non consent based nude image, also known as sexual harassment?   Did you know that in Texas, and possibly soon to come into law in NYC that sending an unsolicited dick picture on an online dating site is actually now illegal

This isn’t me just being a prude here.  This is such a rampant problem, that people are beyond sick and tired of it, and we are taking legal action by demanding laws to protect us.  I don’t think it’s funny to laugh about an unsolicited dick in my inbox.  This is harassment.  It’s not funny.  Unless the thought process is that men want us to start laughing at their penis’ I just do not follow the logic.  How many more posts, podcasts, blocks, and laws do we need to pass to make it clear that this is not funny.

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I recall my mom being exposed to on a c-train about 20 years ago.  The crazy thing about the whole situation is how many people were around her, and did nothing.  They pretended not to see it.  When the cops arrived, there was only one man who came forward as a witness out of nearly 10 people who should have seen something.  My mom pleaded with the woman who was sitting beside her to come forward, but she refused.  Should we as a society just laugh that off?  Should we just laugh it off when someone is rejected by a complete stranger and they lose their shit and send what may or may not be their fully erect penis?  Is complacency the target here? Or worse, making it a joke? 

And now let’s deal with the fact that this random guy on twitter, took the time to comment on my own sexual nature because I didn’t laugh.  I felt publicly shamed.  My sexuality was openly called into question.  How is that OK?  Why did this guy (twitter) who claims he has never sent a dick pic himself still rationalizing that I am somehow in the wrong for standing up for what I believe in.  I think sending a dick picture should be a criminal act just as exposing yourself in public to a stranger.  I do not think that this stance should be a reflection of my sexuality, or my sex positive stance.  That is an asinine correlation and positively disgusts me.  That`s as dumb as saying I asked for it, because I rejected the guy on the online dating site.  NO!  My sex positive nature will not be on trial here.  No, my sensual boasts hold firm.  I have a right to consent to what level of nudity I see in an online world.  That does NOT diminish my sensual nature.  In fact, I think it increases it, because I know what I want, need, and what turns me on!

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