Temptations in the Married or Already Committed Man

I am prefacing this blog topic with a little disclaimer, and that is to say, this has been a topic I have wanted to write about for quite some time.  However I must be truthful in that a few recent events have given me a significantly clearer perspective on how was I going to go about sharing some things that I have learned on the subject in question. 
Married men are a real temptation for a lot of us in the female variety.   And from the few men whom have opened up to me on the subject, this can be a two way street.  These already committed men represent a desire for stability and security in that they have already attained and committed which is what many single girls actually desire.  They have the ability to fall in love, to get married, to start a family which is a huge turn-on for many of us.  As well there is a level of misguided security that states we can be who we are without fear of judgement because this guy is safe.  When we allow ourselves to be this honest and open, we actually in most cases become more attractive to the married man.  Why is that?  Because here is a woman who can be honest, impulsive, and real.  The woman to whom they are married too may no longer be able or willing to do that. 
On the flip side, the man may be attracted to the challenge.  The thrill of the hunt and exploring that forbidden fruit that he knows he should not taste.  Some other man has determined that this woman is desirable enough to marry and therefore should not be overlooked.  There is a competitive strategy to going after an already desirable woman, which we see in the primate community on a regular basis.  A baser instinct that drives a sexual passion in the males, and to a lesser known or admitted extent, the female.
Here is my insight into this though, the trial and error that I myself have witnessed and learned first- hand or avoided learning which may be a more accurate statement.  I recognize in myself the extreme competitive nature that drives me towards many things in life.  I want to be recognized for being intelligent, attractive, fit and most of all, a genuinely good and sound person.  With that being said, sometimes the temptation exists to see if I can actually get that man who is for all intents and purposes unattainable.  Now I in no way am stating that I have acted on these feelings, but I do recognize that they exist and part of me understands that is why having an open relationship made so much sense to me.  The thrill of the seduction is so amazing, that it would take an incredible guy to allow me to seduce and chase him over and over again to obtain the same or similar rush.
Many men I know, who are confident, good looking or charismatic will say that when they pursue a female that the ring just doesn’t matter on the woman.  The odd thing about that is, if I don’t want to be hit on, I will wear a ring to show men that I am unavailable.  So the colliding impact of the two behaviors can definitely lead to some trouble down the road.  I rationally know that temptation exists and the added level of attraction towards a man who has proven he is willing to commit.  Hence why, I know myself well enough to avoid any and all temptation in this realm.  At the very least though I will always have my fantasies.

The First Touch

Do you remember that first time that your partner touched you? Even that first tingling from a brush on the arm, that craving and anticipation for more?  The butterflies after you went home from your first hug or kiss?  That adrenaline rush that seemed to last for hours?  Take yourself back to that amazing time, that personal high that had you grinning for hours.  That is the first touch.  When you touch your partner do you still feel that?  Very doubtful.  There may be slight rushes here and there, but they are nothing compared to those first few times. If you are like me in any way shape or form there can be an almost addicting quality to finding this sensation.

Yes your partner is amazing and a great friend but where is that rush of excitement?  For most people that I have spoken to, it seems like they are convincing themselves that they are content in the great depth of the emotional bond that now connects them with their partner.  This emotional and almost addictive first contact “void” has been replaced by memories, time spent and the promise of future stability.  Maybe I have a hint of cynicism when I ask them, but I look at the big picture and where they are at in their lives.  I try and be as objective as possible when discussing but I typically don’t buy in those couples being truly fulfilled in their lives.  I understand how tempting happily ever after is, I even gave it a full blog .  But that is where it ends, at temptation.

Why, when our society is advancing so far in the technological realm can we not also wish for the moon when it comes to our lives?  Can we get to a point where we can actually have everything and not just fill voids with conciliatory prizes?  There are a few studies out there about adults and seniors going back to school. That their health and visual appearances can improve dramatically.  As well the constant education promotes us to keep challenging our ideas and views http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/03/education/edlife/03adult-t.html.  As we age the complexity and level of understanding increases.  This being said, do any of you know a couple that has gone through a life changing crisis, or midlife crisis, and come back together to be a stronger and healthier couple?  I am lucky to know a few.  Even if there were indiscretions, which is usually the case, two adults can come together and see the big picture.  

So here is the point of my tangent, what if we could have a relationship with a loving supportive partner, still have the much needed joy of that first touch on the side, and avoid the possible divorce or midlife crisis in the middle?  Why go through all the pain and torment when it is so much more pleasurable to live trying to attain every aspect that makes us happy?  

Coming back to reality, I do get upset from time to time when I think of my partner investing time in someone else.  It’s not the mentality I was raised with and this new way of thinking does have it’s ups and downs.  But when I am able to see the really big picture, I know what many of my family friends have gone through in there 40’s and 50’s with this very basic human desire for the new touch.  The couples that have made it through that rough patch on the surface seem stronger for all the years of pain they went through and maybe they really are.  Personally I don’t want the years of pain, I want to live life to the fullest now.  I want the most of my relationship in a lasting way, not in a settled way.  And I am a woman who loves that new touch from time to time.  I am proud that I am aware of this fact and that I can build a relationship on trust and love at the same time.