My First Wand [Product Review]

(Please note that this article includes a review of a complimentary product, and affiliate links)

Intimate Curves Rechargeable Wand

If I had to choose one positive side to being single, it would be getting in touch with all the various ways I can reach orgasm all by my lonesome. And a huge part of that personal exploration has included testing all the sex toys in my drawer, and putting serious effort into discovering new ones that work best for my body. While I wish this was something I did of my own accord, the truth is my favourite toy (of almost a decade) went out in a blaze of buzzing glory late last year. I had purchased it at the recommendation of a lovely salesperson in a tiny boutique that sadly no longer exists, le sigh. So, my exploration was in part forced upon me, and if I’m honest, a long time coming (tee hee).

For those who are not interested in my babble, and just want a down and dirty toy review, feel free to scroll down to the specs section.  When you do, there will be a handy little discount code so you can purchase directly from Adam and Eve, or if you are impatient click the Adam and Eve link, then please come back, and continue reading 😊  (Get 50% off almost any 1 adult item & FREE US/CAN shipping by using offer code BREAKING at AdamandEve. 18+ Only.)

Now for those who love my babble and want to read all about the orgasmic experiences I have had with my new wand, please continue on. 

Are Sex Toys Investments?

I am nothing but honest, and the truth of the matter was, I needed a salesperson to sell me my most frequently used toy. My experiences a young adult was limited to the hard plastic $20 dollar, battery operated vibrators, that broke pretty much on an annual basis. I assumed that was the extent of all toys available, and as I reached orgasm with it, spending additional money was a waste. However, that dear lady showed me that toys could be an investment, and there was long term value in spending more upfront. Doing the math on a $130 toy, that lasted nearly a decade, and didn’t include the constant expense of batteries was my first foray into a more sophisticated buzzing device. Now that I had a firm grasp on the dollars and cents of the investment, it was time to explore if toys really were all created equal.

I poured over online review after online review trying to find a replacement, and the only common factor was that seemed constant was that no one toy suits every bodies needs. Finding a toy is as difficult as finding an in flesh sexual partner. Ok, perhaps it’s a little easier, but the fact remains that our bodies are unique and different. And while a deep rumbling vibration may bring one person to ecstasy, there is no guarantee that it will be universally effective. I, for example, truly believed that I needed the strongest buzz I could possibly get. But it turns out that sex toys have changed a lot in a decade. It is a whole new world out there, and the vibration quality has definitely improved. And as an added bonus, we have come a long way from balancing that magnetic charger ever so gently to get proper contact and a full recharge (RIP toy that was wonderful, but also filled with irritation).

So, where has this quest taken me? Well, if you go through my blog, you can peruse quite a few adventures I have been on from dildos, to rabbits, and even to clitoral sucking devices.  But the one thing I had not dared try was a wand. Wands were quite frankly, out of my price range, simply because I did not understand the power, or the reliability of them. I cannot thank Adam and Eve enough for providing me with the intimate curves rechargeable wand, that put all my hesitations to rest.

All of my vibrators up until this point have done one thing consistently, and that is bring me to an orgasm that left me wanting to do it again and again. And I assumed that this was the function of toys.  A quick release, and you can get on with your day, or to add spice to a sexual encounter with a partner.  That being said, I humbly admit that I was not in ownership of the best toy for my body. After using this wand I actually felt fully and completely satisfied. It was honestly the closest I have ever come to orgasm from intercourse (in regards to satisfaction level), and that is without any penetration. Am I converted, yes! Would I recommend? Yes!

Now it’s everyone’s favourite part of a product review, the actual sex toy review!

First, the colour. Yup, I love pretty pink toys.  Actually, they don’t have to be pink, there is just something magical about a beautiful toy and the detail and aesthetics of this wand in particular make me very happy.

Second, it is wireless. The flexibility to take the toy anywhere really suits my lifestyle. So, this was a huge motivating factor when comparing to other wands.

Third, the actual vibration strength, waterproofing (which I love not only for bath play but also the peace of mind that I can clean it thoroughly), and the comfort of the silicon.  All of these are A+.

Fourth, ease of navigation and the ability to turn off. I am such a fan of these new, easy to read lights. I know, this may not be relevant to many, but the simple satisfaction that I know the toy is actuall off with just a press of the power key (3 second hold) gives me a lot of peace of mind.

Fifth, and the final point, the ability to get me off! Yes, this toy has given me multiple orgasms. In fact, so many that I had to leave my house in order to finish this review. This is the first time that I have felt this satisfied from a sex toy and could go back for seconds, thirds, or whatever my body would allow all day long.

Do I recommend this sex toy? Yes. Do I think you should go exploring for something that suits your body as well as this did for me? Yes!  And in order to help you with that, the lovely people at Adam and Eve are giving you a handy discount code at checkout to receive 50% off of almost everything on their online store with free shipping in US/CAN. Simply click this link www.adameve.com/?sc=BREAKING and use BREAKING at checkout.

And of course, don’t forget to report back with your findings and exploration!  Sex is wonderful, so let us pass the knowledge of our great orgasms on!

The Power of Touch

My Lament

The Power of Touch

With the conclusion of every relationship, I look back, and allow my mind to openly accept the red flags that I willingly chose to ignore. We’ve all done it. And I will probably continue to do it. When you are in love with someone you might call these things compromises, or just accept them.  But when you are out of love, they are easier to see. And for a person such as myself who has had two 8 plus year long relationships in a row, I am taking things a step further, and seeing the concessions I made with both men. In this lament, I am going to talk about touch, or rather the lack of it. In short, touch has power, and when I can’t have it, I should walk away, right?

I grew up in a family that hugs and kisses each other… a lot! Touch was quite natural amongst family, but, like any good teenager, I ended up rebelling in my late teens and took a hard stance against hugs of any kind. At the time, I was also with a man who hated/feared intimacy. Unless our clothes were off, there was no hugging, kissing, touching, or hand holding. Touch was just not a thing, and lead me to write about the anti-seductive power of touch.

Fast forward to my last long term relationship where I was granted about 50 percent more out of bedroom intimacy. I honestly felt like I hit the jackpot. Those first few years were ripe with PDA, and all sorts of clothed touch, well, except for one key thing, he refused to hold my hand. In fact, any sort of hand holding in or out of the bedroom would result in an almost anxiety inducing moment for him. But, the hugs, were there, and I felt my self esteem and confidence boost to the point that I started hugging my closest friends again.

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It’s weird to admit, but once I felt that tease of touch, it was like the floodgates opened. I became almost insatiable and just wanted constant touch and affection, as if I was some love starved person. Which, it turns out, I actually was but didn’t recognize it at the time. The innate desire for human touch was a symptom of something I could not admit to myself: that this man and I were not right for each other. We were out of sync for a long time, but, life is life, and it kept us together far longer than it ever should have.

Hindsight is a magical thing, that can actually throw a person like me right down a regret filled rabbit hole. Why didn’t he want to hold my hand, say I love you, hug me just because he could? Was I that unlovable? Was/am I not worthy of intimacy or a connection? These questions swirl around when I least expect them, and get almost unbearable when I meet someone new, because guess what? Covid times mean we are universally out of sync with intimacy and human touch. It is such a fun time to be dating, said absolutely no one! We have a social responsibility to keep our distance from people, and what I am finding out, is that my personality type, and issues with touch are not conducive to this. 

But, I will persevere, try not to come on to strong and touchy feely with new people, and just do my best to work out my desire for intimacy alone, in my bedroom with buzzing toys??

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The Pain of Ghosting

That Too Many of Us Know

The Pain of Ghosting

I’ve had my opinions on why ghosting someone sucks for years. Never for a moment did I think a person who ghosts someone else was an admiral human being. In fact, the contrary. I still believe that a person who just stops responding for no reason is a coward, and spineless. These individuals are not ready to date, because I believe dating adults need to understand how to end a relationship, and handle rejection with grace. But that is an article for another time (or just the one I link to later on), for now, let me share my recent experience with being ghosted.  Just so we are on the same page, let me start with the definition.

What is ghosting?

It is “the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.”

Why am I writing about this?

Because, I was seeing a guy for almost 9 weeks, and out of the blue, he just stopped responding to any messages where I said I wanted to see him. And then, just stopped messaging me altogether.

The thing about this is, I always assumed that ghoster’s would be douchebags, or FuckBoys, or people with zero confidence. I thought that I was smart enough to spot someone who would do that to another person a mile away. Well, I was just knocked down a peg, and my dating confidence was in fact called into question. It’s difficult to be left with all these unanswered questions. To be just left wondering. And what’s worse, to have it done to you by someone that you genuinely thought was just a kind, amazing soul. This guy and I clicked. We made each other smile, and the in-person chemistry was fantastic, or so I thought. Because ultimately, I will never know for sure. My perception remains invalidated due to his silence.

It’s not that I expected this relationship to be forever. But, he made me happy, and did incredibly sweet things for me and I tried to be spontaneous and thoughtful in return. I felt amazing in his arms, and just thinking about him made me smile.  But here I am, wondering, if it was all in my head?

The lack of closure, is uncomfortable. The uncertainty of what happens if we ever run into each other again is real. These situations are not what I expected to encounter as an adult in the dating world. Ghosting, shouldn’t happen when you’re in your late 30’s (as we both were). There just doesn’t seem to be a rational reason with the simplicity of texting at our fingertips.

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But then the compassionate, bleeding heart in me goes… wait… did something happen to him? Maybe it wasn’t me. Perhaps that last message I sent him was the final kick in the nuts, and I’m the real asshole now. Maybe I pushed him too far, and really, he was planning on seeing me, but wanted it to be a surprise (Ha… OK that is a stretch).  In short though, welcome to my brain, because it would be easier for me to be the one in the wrong.  If that was the case, I can fix my behaviour, own it, or basically have some sort of control. Being ghosted like this, takes all power away from me, and leaves that sickening helpless feeling. Which, I know some of you may be wondering what my final text to him was, because if you know me at all, helpless is not something I tolerate.  So here goes pain and all:

“Kinda bummed you just stopped messaging or making an effort to see me. I thought we got along well, and really enjoyed spending time with you. Le sigh…”

Of course his response… Nothing!

So, to all of us out there dating, please don’t ghost other humans. If you have no idea how to face rejection or reject another human, please give the Handling Rejection section of How to Start Conversations. In short, just be good to each other. Truly, we have all been through enough with 2020!

For those of you who love behind the scenes content, or just want to throw some beer money my way, please check out my Patreon.

Breaking Away from Monogamy:

And Exploring Sex Positivity!

Sex Positivity

Well, as with all things change is inevitable.  For those long time readers (and I know there are a few who have followed me since the beginning) you have been privy to a few changes of branding over the years, so this post will not be a first. For the rest of you though, new and casual readers alike, welcome to the randomness that is my life. More and more I have felt this urge to explore more things within the sex positive community. While my blog started out as my personal exploration of non-monogamy, I always felt that doing sex toy reviews, interviews with other people, or even dabbling into podcasts felt a bit off. And of course, with all the randomness of my last few years, exploring sex positivity seems a more accurate description of where my life is headed. So, the re-brand and timing just feels right.

Exploring non-monogamy and its vast spectrum during a pandemic obviously was not going to happen. But with that forced pause, it got me thinking that there are some many diverse subjects that I want to bring into the fold beyond just relationship diversity. I want to share the tough sex conversations that I have had, and hope will make things easier for others, or at the very least allow just one person not feel alone. That alone feeling is after all, why I started blogging in the first place. After finding myself in my first open relationship, and finding out quickly that none of my friends or family could or would be the support system I needed, I began blogging.

Now that my relationships have evolved and I find myself in a new headspace, the diversity of things that I need to explore and talk about needs to expand and be more indicative of where I have evolved to.  I have written about being relationship fluid, and perhaps sexually fluid, so the idea of just being non-monogamous doesn’t seem true to form. And now that I am dating again, people and conversations are going to be adventures. Take for instance, bringing this blog up and my writing passions up to someone who is for all intents and purposes monogamous. How will that look and feel? How do I have the tough conversations with new people about my past, and the book that is frighteningly close to being finished? Can I rectify all my sexual experiences, and past with the desire to start a new family or be accepted into someone else’s world? These are my current realities.

And there is just one more thing that I want to talk about, and something that is hugely important to me, and my place in the blogging sphere. And that is how I incorporate diversity and a safe space for exploration onto my pages and the words that I write.  I have been lucky enough to have a few guest writers over the years, but it was tough with my previous format. This new brand, I hope will allow for more exploration of diversity and acceptance. Sex positivity is for everyone. It took me years to embrace it in myself, and I could never have arrived at this place of love and acceptance without all of my past experiences. I don’t know what the future of my life, or relationships will lead, but I do know that my blog needs to remain a reflection of who I am in this moment.

Thank you all for the likes, shares, messages, and comments thus far. I hope that we can continue this journey together for many more years to come!!! And of course, a very special thank you to everyone who has supported my work on Patreon.

Being a Disappointment

Serenity Now!

The last text I received from my ex step dad, was his proclamation of how disappointed was in me (And I’m guessing still is). The text came after I sent him my condolences for his mother passing away. I was gutted. Obviously there is a long backstory there, of which I wrote about on my gaslighting pieces, and suffice it to say, our relationship imploded. Enough time has passed, and active healing on my part, to allow me to type this paragraph without crying. And that is a huge deal for me. However, the soul crushing idea that I could disappoint someone I love or who loves me, is one of those things I’m not sure I can ever overcome completely.

So, here is my current struggle. I am immensely proud of this blog, and all the words I have put onto various pages over the years. But, there is a fear, that someone I start to care about, would be disappointed to learn about my past. Or, would be embarrassed to tell their family about the subject matters I have broached over the years. I wake up in the middle of the night more often than not gripping the sheets tightly, having just dreamt that I have been “found out”.

In the calm moments of the day, I can rationalize that I am the compassionate, and loving person that I am today because of all my experiences. And while I desperately want to believe the truth of someone loving me for all my scars and experiences, historically, that has not been the case. I have never been loved by a partner, for the good, bad, and ugly. So, it is hard to trust in the right person being out there, with whom this will happen.

The guy I recently started seeing is amazing. He is good, kind, and we fit together sexually in the most incredible way. But, I worry that I am not good enough for him. That some how I don’t deserve this level of happiness. That I am only worthy of the challenging men, the broken men, and the people who make we work to earn their love.  Ok, now I’m crying.

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To combat this feeling of insecurity and the belief that I am not good enough, I have positive affirmations written on my white board that say things like, “enjoy the happy ride”, “mutual love”, and the like. I am working diligently to break free of this idea that I am not worthy. But, it’s a challenge. I historically have over compensated in relationships to ensure that I am never a disappointment, however, I always am. I end up alone, forging ahead with determination, and a that intense survival mechanism that always allows me to rebuild and move on. And it is insanity to look back and see just how many times I have done that over my lifetime.

I don’t want it to seem like my life has been any more challenging than anyone else’s. Life is not easy, for anyone. And it is with that compassion that I openly accept all the faults of new prospects in my life. I just hope, someday, someone will do the same for me. That somewhere there is a person, who will do the same for me. And perhaps, maybe, I won’t be a disappointment.

Thank you to all who have liked, shared, and supported me over the years. And a special thank you to all who have fuelled my beer fund!