Gizi: My Newest Toy Review!!!

    K Ghislaine
Freshly washed Gizi (photo by KGB)

Sometimes it takes something really special to take a person out of retirement. Ok, that was dramatic. I was not actually in toy review retirement, but it did feel like I took a huge break from doing any. I had found one that just worked, and basically stopped looking, well, until SVibe reached out. And wowza, did that ever awaken some parts of me that I had pretty much left to my partner’s attention rather than take upon myself.

Let’s get right into this unique shaped toy called Gizi (which does contain affiliate links)! Number one, it’s made of body safe silicon which is must, and the added bonus of being waterproof certainly doesn’t hurt. I always find that make the cleaning a little less risky too. It has a magnetic charger which historically I haven’t loved, but they actually did a really great job with the connectivity, and the added indicator lights are a great touch. And yes, it comes in 3 colours, for those who like coordinating their toys.

Now for the fun part. Oh, wait, there is one thing, I need to mention. This toy is not cheap. And, I have to be honest that I was skeptical about the price point, and the pleasure, I mean value, that would result from it. In fact, I think I actually tried to be harder on this toy than most tests, because I wanted to be sure that this would be worth even reviewing. Well, my dear friends, I was… delighted!

There are two buttons: one for clitoral, and the other for the G-Spot. And once turned on, those additional presses will increase the vibration. You can of course just leave one off, and focus on either external or internal orgasms and sensations, however if you turn them both on, they work in sync! I was really impressed. And that unique shape? Well, you can actually unroll in quite a bit to ensure that it rests on exactly the spot that does your trick!

I had the additional joy of having my partner use it on me for a session, and it was amazing! Looking through their catalogue there are some others that I am looking into so we can explore more. With the shape being so flexible, it was really easy to place it in a comfortable position that excited us both. And yes, solo mode worked really well for that too. For such a powerful toy (5 settings of vibration) it was remarkably quiet. I should mention though, that the intensity is all that increases. For those who enjoy varied pulse mode, this is not going to be the toy for you. It is designed really well, to do exactly what it claims, buzz, and buzz well, so big cheers to it not trying to be the toy for every purpose.

Now, if you have made it this far, I am excited to announce that if you purchase through my handy little affiliate link you will receive a discount if you use BREAKINGAWAYFROMMONO10 at checkout. And yes, that will work on any of the offerings on the SVibe catalogue which is pretty darn cool too. I have been really happy with this one, and I would love to hear what you think about it in the comments 🙂 And of course, there is a bonus picture on my Patreon! Enjoy!!!

Week 20 & 21: Give and Take, and Freedom

    K Ghislaine

With a little hiatus from writing due to navigating all that life is throwing my way, I resume my writer’s challenge with a “just do it” attitude. Normally, I read the challenges and ponder for a bit. Today, I have read them and what you are reading is my natural flow of consciousness, for better or for worse. Oddly, that is in tune with the second part of the writing prompt called Freedom, brought forward by George Elliot. She writes about changing your form, your voice, and most importantly, letting the words take on “any form”.

While she really is focusing on diversity of voices in a more fictionalized setting, I am utilizing this more free-form style to remind myself that my blog is my own stream of consciousness, and it is only me who forces this mandate of importance. I am the one that sets my guidelines. And well, sometimes it’s better to just simply write, let it all, than to adhere to my arbitrary rules. Enter in Jean Rhys and this idea of “feeding the lake”. An admittedly overwhelming idea, being that her intent is that no matter how great or small your contribution, any and all forms of writing are feeding the lake. And that no matter what, this is what, we as writers should do.

This notion scares me, rather than motivates. But here I am, feeding into this idea, just doing it, although I feel drained and empty. But I recognize that these are things I have done to myself. I have allowed things to creep in, and give me excuses not to just write.

For anyone who has been a long time reader, you’ll notice that I used to write to sort out problems, of the primarily non-monogamous variety. I wrote mini-essays whereby I would have a question and then I would sort it out within a few paragraphs. Sometimes, I would share sexy stories or situations too, as a way of free-form writing or blogging diary type words. Why is this part of my current stream of consciousness that I am including in this? Because, my life is so vastly different from where this blog started. My daily adventures aren’t forced situations that I have to wrack my brain around to forge a path. My problems solving is different now. My writing need, is one of acceptance and healing, rather than an “in the moment” must deal with urgency.

That’s not to say that life has slowed down, but the pressure to make a relationship work no matter what is gone. And in that, the need to write things down as quickly as possible is also gone. That leaves me feeling almost lazy in my creative endeavours. My sense of urgency doesn’t exist in the way it did a decade ago. Huh!?! Now that is a realization I did not see coming.

As I sit here, wondering what I am going to do with that little revelation, I want to express my sincere thank you to anyone who has shared this journey. And for those, missing the old sexy content, well there is always my Patreon. And… I have have just received a new toy in the mail (affiliate link of my new arrival)!!! So, a little something something once I test it all out will be coming soon. No matter how far away I sometimes feel from my past, the universe reminds that I am who I am, and I am grateful that it welcomes me back whenever I lose my way.

Week 18 & 19: Curiosity and Power

    K Ghislaine

The past few weeks have felt more turbulent than usual. While I always find myself in situations of high stress, I feel especially helpless as springtime is not re-charging me like in years past. As I worked to achieve the challenge of writing dialogue with curiosity prompted by Ann Patchett, I couldn’t focus. Try as I might, even with an extra week I couldn’t achieve something so simple, which disappoints me, as writing dialogue is a major opportunity area for me. But, my heart simply isn’t in it. I want my ability to write about other to improve, and gain depth, but no matter what I do right now, I cannot keep my mind still enough to expand a thought.

And then, I read the prompt on writing with power and almost broke down. What is my target audience? What do I hope that people will feel, think, or the ever elusive response to words that I have put out into the world? What is the aim, purpose, direction? What if my words one day did have impact on someone else, what then? Words have power, and have I been responsible with that? I have utilized my voice to build love, acceptance, and compassion? Have I done harm?

Of course I have done harm. I have judged, criticized and belittled people in my past. I have done harm, and hurt people, often without even realizing it. That’s not an excuse, but rather I know sometimes a passionate rant can seem insensitive. But in a world where we have words like snowflake, it’s nearly impossible not to offend at least one person. And that makes me sad.

I lived many years in someones shadow. Actually it was 2 people’s shadows at the same time. I spent years being criticized, and told that I simply wasn’t good enough. I walked on eggshells, striving to be perfect, and barring all that, just being someone who could be whatever they needed me to be. This worked for years, until one inevitable day, the man I was in “lust” with and my stepfather went to battle. It was over the control of me, but of course I didn’t know that. I had disillusioned myself to believe I was strong and independent. And that no one controlled me, but me. However, that was not the case.

It turned out that I had become a shell of myself. Stretching myself too thin, in order to please those domineering men around me, I collapsed both emotionally and physically. Why do I share this? Maybe it’s the start of the next bout of me being brave, and putting the pain into words. Maybe that is the next chapter in making my words powerful again, instead of letting myself be swallowed up in remorse and regret. And maybe, I’ll go back to the prompt about dialogue writing and curiosity and better be able to share what they were meant to bring out in my words.

My mind goes back to being a blurry mess of emotions, brought about by the truth that the real and genuine father figure in my life may in fact be mortal. A fact I have fought, and continue to fight. With power comes responsibility, and I hope my curiosity keeps me in check. That last line is for me, and for me alone.

Thank you all for allowing me the space to share and sort out this mess that’s in my head. And to those that follow on Patreon, well, you know how much I appreciate your support!

Week 16 & 17: Rhythm and Objects

    K Ghislaine

As I aim to get back on track with my self writing challenge, I’ve noticed just how much I have pushed myself this past little while. If you’ve read my blog over the past year, you know I have been trying to get pregnant, and so far, there have been very few signs of success or even in doing anything right. I think that there must be a lesson hidden somewhere, probably plain as day to an outsider, but currently still fuzzy to me. The challenge to use rhythm and the focus of objects to write, becomes an interesting task.

Over the past few months, maybe even a year if I look back into my journal, I have really tried to visualize myself as a mother, and in doing so, I have shifted my belief system into one where this is the most important target. With that comes stress, and a sense of deep failure for being unable to produce. To the point of writing with rhythm and poetry though is that normally when I feel those really big feelings, I switch to writing poetry. That alone, that rhythmic voice seems somehow better equipped to bring out my inner most thoughts, maybe even in a gentler way, which is why it works. Words pour out of me, with an almost melodic flow, that feel trance-like. And the tears are then able to flow even faster.

I was shocked to look back upon my book of poetry and discover that I have yet to write anything poetic about my struggles. And I don’t fully understand why. So then, to dig deeper, and incorporate week 17, there is this idea of writing with an object, or a specific focus, that paints things in such a descriptive way that the reader can almost hold it in their hands. And to that end I recently shared with my grandfather just such a piece of writing. It was a piece I wrote years ago, forged from a childhood memory of his old GMC truck. The power of letting him read this nostalgia was, well, powerful. And I wonder, to myself, if I need to incorporate some sort of object, or give focus to my current barren situation so I am better versed at exploring this point in my life. And suddenly, I am uncomfortable.

Have I been keeping myself so busy in an effort to avoid digging? Or, have I simply exhausted how deep I can go within myself, and finally need to just relax and let my cards play out. Obviously, for me it’s the latter, but I say obvious with a sense of irony. It should have been clear, and yet, I have told myself for so long that digging as deep as I can is what produces the best work. And well, it turns out I need a break from striving to be the best I can. Perhaps, just maybe, I’m Ok as I am. Maybe it’s time to just enjoy where I am at, to take a moment to just sit and read in the sunshine, without purpose or intent. While the tools for writing in these last two challenges are fabulous, I think, I might just crack a beer (see what that looks like on my Patreon), and keep them in mind for a project a little later down the road…

Week 15: Danger

    K Ghislaine
Femme Fatale

Why yes, I am behind in my writing prompts, thank you for noticing. And while my intent this week was to catch up with a few weeks all mashed together, I was instead stopped in my tracks when I read Edwidge Danticat’s thoughts on creating dangerously. At first, in reading those words, I felt indifferent. There simply was no relevance, I mused to myself in my writing and anything even remotely dangerous. And then I thought about it, and realized that our dear neighbours to the south are dealing with the loss of female bodily autonomy. Roe VS Wade was the start of something that we all knew would lead to many more words, changes, and legislature with regards to women’s rights, and sadly, we are in a timeline where our rights are being stripped from us, left, right, and centre.

I use those words with purpose and intent because there is no place on the political spectrum that is void of culpability for where we are at now. Either by being too complacent, pushing with too much fervour, or those who simply are showing their true colours, in that they are sexist, plain and simple. And it is with that in mind, that I can actually see a glimmer of possibility that some of what I have written over the years could be dangerous for others to read. And that puzzles my very essence.

Yes, I write about sex, relationships, and have poured so many hours and feelings into non-monogamous exploration. While taboo for many of my writing years, I rarely felt scared or nervous to put words on a page. But, then again, I never in my wildest dreams thought that we could go backwards in time, preventing access to abortion and contraception in what we clearly have mislabelled the first world. I have written about abortion both in this blog, and on medium, and felt free to do so. There is a real possibility that those freedoms could be restricted for people in the future. That is terrifying.

Words should never feared unless they depict hate, lies, or violence. We should be free to discuss, debate, and share thoughts and feelings on subject matters that affect us all. My eyes are wide open to the fact that people fear what they don’t understand, and that includes discussion about female sexuality and relationships that our outside of mainstream western thinking. I challenge myself to daily to put these things out into the universe because I long for a world with acceptance, love, and kindness. The notion that there could be danger in this to a reader at some point in the future is not a comforting idea. But one, that I think every writer or content creator should spend a little time with. Times are changing faster than we can keep up with. And my only advice for anyone creating ideas right now, it to make sure you take some time for self care. I don’t want to exercise “what if” scenarios at this current moment in time, because this dystopian landscape is far beyond my wildest nightmares.

I will be spending some time exploring danger, and what that means in my writing both past and present. But, as I cannot change things as fast as they change around me, ultimately I can only forge ahead knowing that I have been as authentic as I can be, for both my readers, and my own peace of mind. Thank you all, for sharing this journey, for being curious, and brave! I see you, and appreciate you, especially those on my Patreon (Behind the scenes photos and content)! Stay tuned for the next instalment of my Women’s Writing series on Rhythm and Objects!