My last piece was a birthday blog, with my hopes and aspirations for what I hope to find, and embrace in my 38th year of life. If you have been reading my work for any length of time, you might have noticed that as I get older, my birthdays are becoming less gut wrenching. I think part of the reason for that is, I am finally living my best life that I possibly can. Sure things aren’t perfect, and my dreams remind me each night that all I really want is something to naked cuddle with at night, and wake up excited to learn more about in the mornings. Oh, and of course, someone who wants the exact same from me! But… there is an added element that try as I might, I just don’t know how to broach. Perhaps because men disappear before we even get that far? Ooph, OK, back on track here, bringing up being sex positive with a new person, and it is not going well, but… I keep trying!
Imagine for a moment that you are on a date with a person that you know almost nothing about. You sip your wine, laugh nervously, and talk about what you have in common. You are sharing experiences in those precious few moments that will shape the foundation of where this chance encounter might go. Statically speaking the likelihood of going past a few dates is incredibly low, but, you feel a spark and decide that you want to keep seeing this person. Cool, they want to see you back, all is great. Now, at this point you start talking about your passions and what really fuels you as a human. In my case, it is relationships, sex, and exploring everything intimate that connects our fellow human being. Oh, and by the way, I post sexy photos online, and oh yeah right, I’ve been writing about my non-monogamous experiences for over a decade. Oh… wait I forgot, I am actually working on my second draft of my first memoir of said relationship.
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Yeah… so… that’s not going well for me. Writing about sex is still taboo. Men, don’t want to bring me home to meet their families. I am not motherhood material. And yeah, they figure I am a goddess in the bedroom so they can put in zero effort where that is concerned, and then just never call again. Or, they want me to analyze their sexual past over a beer, in public, for free.
I’m not saying I would change a moment of who I am, or what I am passionate about. And yes, someday the right man will come along who understands, accepts, and is not threatened by my past or present. But hot damn I am tired. So, so tired. And I shouldn’t have to change or hide my past in order to have a future with someone, should I? I overcome hurdles every single day. I challenge myself, and others to think, be more compassionate and embrace a sex positive world. And at the end of it all, I just want someone warm to snuggle with, who loves me, understands me, and allows me to be me. I am a unique flamingo, looking for love, while embracing a sex positive future. Deep breaths, just keep going.
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