Tag: Breaking Away

Taking a Hard Look at Myself…

    K Ghislaine

When I was writing my last medium article about Being the Other Partner , I wrote a paragraph on being the other woman myself. I thought I was being honest, but when I went back to edit the piece, I realized that I had in fact written something that was so harsh and critical that it skewed the whole thing. And I began to cry, realizing just how often I have been doing this. In an effort to be accountable and take a long hard look at myself, I have crossed the line of honesty, into a much darker place, whereby I feel like the villain. I did remove the paragraph after I pulled myself together, and what I created I am proud of, well, as proud as I ever let myself be of my writing. Sometimes I think it’s easier to celebrate that I did a thing, versus actually believing that my words have any impact or meaning. Frick, look, I’ve done it again.

For those wondering, well, I wrote that I had a huge relationship regret, that I should have known better, and been smarter and that I feel terrible that I was basically a mistress. I came down hard on myself for not just saying no, and well, the truth is, there is not a whole lot more to the story. Then I created this whole big thing in my head, that truthfully, just wasn’t that doom and gloom. I know the difference, and I have had true hardships and relationship disasters, but my brain, well, it just really wanted me to feel bad about something that I didn’t need to feel bad about. I had a FWB that was always filled with consent, on both sides, and there is no guilt. But, maybe I wanted to feel guilt? I honestly don’t know.

Why, am I my biggest critic these days? I mean, it’s not like I am lacking in the professional rejection department, with my fastest responses record yet for pitching my last book. All no’s so far, if anyone was getting hopeful. So rejection is there. And my body, well, you all know how well, or not well that whole department is going. If not, read pretty much anything from last year and you’ll be caught up. Maybe it’s because I have so much rejection surrounding me, that I’ve somehow become comfortable with it?

You know that person who is always negative, and that is their feedback loop? Negativity breeds more negativity and thus they pretty much create more of it? Living a turbulent and difficult life because that’s what they know and perhaps even feel that they deserve… but I know better. And in person, aside from being a little closer to tears from time to time, I really am happy. In fact, my life has never been better. And yet, what I write, is focused on the dark side.

More and more, I feel like I have to journal, let it out, before I can get down to work. Or do something fun like a sexy photo shoot for Patreon, or just be creative. For the first time in probably 15 years, I broke down sobbing, wishing I could get a hug from my mom. Our relationship is beyond complicated, and I don’t want to open up to her when I’m feeling this vulnerable, but the thought was there. Then I cried some more, took a hot bath, and then was able to get some work done on my next book. The hurdles to get there though, ooph that took a lot out of me.

Maybe it’s the time of year. Losing daylight, feeling the pressures of the impending holiday season, and of course an ever perilous family dynamic, with the loneliness of knowing it’s the first Christmas without my grandfather. These are all real, rational things to take up a little extra space in my brain. But I earnestly wish they would all just fuck off for a little bit, so I can just sit in my happy, and creative bubble. I want to be filled with joy, laughter, and all the amazing things that I know are around me. Life is pretty magical. Why then, do the written words betray me? Why are they tricking me into writing the doom and gloom prior to the happy, and love filled place I actually am in? I truly have so much gratitude for where I am at, now I just need to convince those typing fingers of mine to start relaying the same message!

Blogging… Oh to blog in 2025

    K Ghislaine

When I started the year, I felt I needed inspiration and to take the focus off of everything that I felt was going wrong with my body. So, I embarked on a personal writing challenge, with prompts from I’m Still Writing. It did exactly what I hoped it would. It got me writing again, which I desperately needed after the completion of my first book, and the complete disappointment that I felt with not getting what I wanted. That sentence sounds childish and selfish. I know, but it’s the truth. I put so much effort and mental focus on having a baby, publishing my first book, and well, I’m hard on myself and set lofty goals. And I’m even harder when it comes to things that I can’t control, so thanks for nothing 2025.

The other thing that I grappled with, is that the sex life of a monogamous and happy person, just doesn’t seem interesting to write about. My boyfriend really wants me to strike it rich with the creation of my own harlequin romance novel, with him as the dashing hero. So, obviously I have his loving support to write about our sex lives. But, we were having sex, sometimes on timed days to coincide with the pills I took for a few months to try and encourage pregnancy. Yes, these are stories that have value, but writing about failure, just bummed me out.

I keep writing this sentiment about getting back to basics, and just blogging because I love it. And well, after a year of identity conflicts, I’m still here. My 30 day sex positive challenge turned out to be the real fuel that I needed because a few of you embraced it, and connected. So, I guess with blogs going out of fashion, OK, that’s been happening for years and years, but it’s the connection that I need. Twitter helped me explore so much diversity over the years. I lament the loss of that social media hub. I miss the sex positive community that I was a part of there. And thus, writing over much of the past year has felt, emptier and much more quiet.

I have cried more than a few times on the shoulder of my love, how I just need a win. And I’m coming to terms with it not being a win per se, but more, connection with a community. I don’t know where to find that right now. The non-monogamous sex positive people really came to mean a lot to me. And I simply haven’t found anything even close to that in my transition phase. But, here I am, putting myself out there, doing what I do, which is be vulnerable and honest. I am looking for my community. I am seeking that rush of ideas, and sharing of information. While I’m looking, primarily on Bluesky, I understand deeply that what I had, will probably never happen again. So, with eyes wide open, I’m looking.

Oh, and I should probably let you all know, that I am writing again. Not just blogging, and my articles on Medium. But… a project… book number 2. The likelihood of a memoir styled book being my first to be published I knew was a long shot. This next one, is filled with research and honestly has been really fun to plot and plan (With the subject matter being sex and dating??? Of course I am having fun). So, here we go, writing the next one! Always pushing forward, even after a long 2025, with sadly none of my big dreams coming true. Oh well, all I can do is keep dreaming, writing, and trying!

Want to buy me a coffee or a beer, please check out my Patreon page. Or, just comment wherever you found this post! It really does mean the world to me!

30 Day Challenge: The Sex Positive Kind

    K Ghislaine

Well, the world is going crazy with negativity and news of doom and gloom. So to combat it, or at least give a little distraction, I’ve decided it is high time to revive my 30 day sex positive challenge for the month of October. If you have not heard of this before, don’t worry, it turns out I haven’t really done one successfully since 2020! Where in the world does the time go? At any rate, let me set the stage for what you are in for in our #30DaysSexPositive Challenge.

First up, there is zero sign-up necessary and participation is completely voluntary. Let’s be honest, any challenge to do with the word S E X is daunting to many. But rest assured this one is geared to be inclusive, fun, and hopefully at the end of the day having you feel fabulous about yourself. There will be a few days that will push you out of your comfort zone, and that is OK. Choose your own adventure and only join in with what you are comfortable with. For those who are ready and excited to learn a bit about themselves, being sex positive, and maybe even get a little sexy, here’s the drill.

First, you need to be following me on some sort of platform to see the prompts, which I will post daily. Now, using the word sex can get tricky with things like Facebook, so I won’t be posting anything there. I will however be using X/Twitter, Bluesky, Instagram, and my Patreon subscribers will get their usual bonus content, plus some extras. Wherever you follow me, just watch for the flamingo icon starting Oct 1st, read the blurb, and start playing. If you want to like, share, comment, or even subscribe to my Patreon that is completely up to you. The real point is to get us thinking about sex in a more positive light and normalizing pleasure in all its wondrous forms, and that starts with some self love. Oh, and taking a little break from the day to day grind, in a more pleasurable way.

So, are you ready? Excited? Nervous? I am too! So let us make this years 30 day challenge the best one yet. And if you want a little bonus activity to help you and your partner open up some great dialogue about sex, might I recommend signing up for the Couples Sex Quiz? Yes, I am sharing this as an affiliate, but, you should know I only recommend things that I love, and find value in. So if you’ve ever found yourself nervous to talk about sex with your partner, this is an incredible tool AKA ice breaker. And if you’re in a new relationship, this could be a fun way to see if you are similar pages. Don’t worry, the challenge won’t be all sales pitchy, but from time to time getting a few bucks definitely feels good so there you go. Now, back to the challenge…

I really hope you love what I have created for you because I am so excited to share it with you all, no matter how you decide to participate. Let’s have fun, be kind, and please no shaming of any kind. If at any point someone shares something that is not to your taste, just move on! Sex is for everyone, and the world could certainly use some more kindness right about now! With all that in mind, get ready, because here we go!!!

#30DaysSexPositive

Week 20 & 21: Give and Take, and Freedom

    K Ghislaine

With a little hiatus from writing due to navigating all that life is throwing my way, I resume my writer’s challenge with a “just do it” attitude. Normally, I read the challenges and ponder for a bit. Today, I have read them and what you are reading is my natural flow of consciousness, for better or for worse. Oddly, that is in tune with the second part of the writing prompt called Freedom, brought forward by George Elliot. She writes about changing your form, your voice, and most importantly, letting the words take on “any form”.

While she really is focusing on diversity of voices in a more fictionalized setting, I am utilizing this more free-form style to remind myself that my blog is my own stream of consciousness, and it is only me who forces this mandate of importance. I am the one that sets my guidelines. And well, sometimes it’s better to just simply write, let it all, than to adhere to my arbitrary rules. Enter in Jean Rhys and this idea of “feeding the lake”. An admittedly overwhelming idea, being that her intent is that no matter how great or small your contribution, any and all forms of writing are feeding the lake. And that no matter what, this is what, we as writers should do.

This notion scares me, rather than motivates. But here I am, feeding into this idea, just doing it, although I feel drained and empty. But I recognize that these are things I have done to myself. I have allowed things to creep in, and give me excuses not to just write.

For anyone who has been a long time reader, you’ll notice that I used to write to sort out problems, of the primarily non-monogamous variety. I wrote mini-essays whereby I would have a question and then I would sort it out within a few paragraphs. Sometimes, I would share sexy stories or situations too, as a way of free-form writing or blogging diary type words. Why is this part of my current stream of consciousness that I am including in this? Because, my life is so vastly different from where this blog started. My daily adventures aren’t forced situations that I have to wrack my brain around to forge a path. My problems solving is different now. My writing need, is one of acceptance and healing, rather than an “in the moment” must deal with urgency.

That’s not to say that life has slowed down, but the pressure to make a relationship work no matter what is gone. And in that, the need to write things down as quickly as possible is also gone. That leaves me feeling almost lazy in my creative endeavours. My sense of urgency doesn’t exist in the way it did a decade ago. Huh!?! Now that is a realization I did not see coming.

As I sit here, wondering what I am going to do with that little revelation, I want to express my sincere thank you to anyone who has shared this journey. And for those, missing the old sexy content, well there is always my Patreon. And… I have have just received a new toy in the mail (affiliate link of my new arrival)!!! So, a little something something once I test it all out will be coming soon. No matter how far away I sometimes feel from my past, the universe reminds that I am who I am, and I am grateful that it welcomes me back whenever I lose my way.

Week 18 & 19: Curiosity and Power

    K Ghislaine

The past few weeks have felt more turbulent than usual. While I always find myself in situations of high stress, I feel especially helpless as springtime is not re-charging me like in years past. As I worked to achieve the challenge of writing dialogue with curiosity prompted by Ann Patchett, I couldn’t focus. Try as I might, even with an extra week I couldn’t achieve something so simple, which disappoints me, as writing dialogue is a major opportunity area for me. But, my heart simply isn’t in it. I want my ability to write about other to improve, and gain depth, but no matter what I do right now, I cannot keep my mind still enough to expand a thought.

And then, I read the prompt on writing with power and almost broke down. What is my target audience? What do I hope that people will feel, think, or the ever elusive response to words that I have put out into the world? What is the aim, purpose, direction? What if my words one day did have impact on someone else, what then? Words have power, and have I been responsible with that? I have utilized my voice to build love, acceptance, and compassion? Have I done harm?

Of course I have done harm. I have judged, criticized and belittled people in my past. I have done harm, and hurt people, often without even realizing it. That’s not an excuse, but rather I know sometimes a passionate rant can seem insensitive. But in a world where we have words like snowflake, it’s nearly impossible not to offend at least one person. And that makes me sad.

I lived many years in someones shadow. Actually it was 2 people’s shadows at the same time. I spent years being criticized, and told that I simply wasn’t good enough. I walked on eggshells, striving to be perfect, and barring all that, just being someone who could be whatever they needed me to be. This worked for years, until one inevitable day, the man I was in “lust” with and my stepfather went to battle. It was over the control of me, but of course I didn’t know that. I had disillusioned myself to believe I was strong and independent. And that no one controlled me, but me. However, that was not the case.

It turned out that I had become a shell of myself. Stretching myself too thin, in order to please those domineering men around me, I collapsed both emotionally and physically. Why do I share this? Maybe it’s the start of the next bout of me being brave, and putting the pain into words. Maybe that is the next chapter in making my words powerful again, instead of letting myself be swallowed up in remorse and regret. And maybe, I’ll go back to the prompt about dialogue writing and curiosity and better be able to share what they were meant to bring out in my words.

My mind goes back to being a blurry mess of emotions, brought about by the truth that the real and genuine father figure in my life may in fact be mortal. A fact I have fought, and continue to fight. With power comes responsibility, and I hope my curiosity keeps me in check. That last line is for me, and for me alone.

Thank you all for allowing me the space to share and sort out this mess that’s in my head. And to those that follow on Patreon, well, you know how much I appreciate your support!