Tag: BreakingAway

S%x Fixes Everything

    K Ghislaine

For the longest time, I have held firm to the belief that the most sacred and primal of acts, can in fact fix anything. OK, clearly not absolutely everything, but I have leaned on this idea to patch over more than a handful of difficult situations. And while I desperately want to blame my upbringing, or past men in my life for planting this idea, the truth is, this one is all on me. The idea hit me, long long ago, and I have tricked my little mind into thinking that it has actually worked, and given me more time with the people I have wanted to be with. I mean, the long standing myth is that men only want s%x, ergo, if I want to be with them, then presto… we do it all the time for a happy ever after.

Unfortunately, while the act itself is fun, and provides a lot of health benefits, especially when it comes to endorphins, and all those amazing good mood hormones that get released, it doesn’t actually fix problems. Oh, for sure it covers them up for a time. You know that post coitus afterglow time, when everything is magical and happy. But when those happy forces subside, you’re left with the reality of the situation, which sucks so, you do it again. Or at least that is how I managed to extend the life on very dead relationships in the past. And well, it was made all the easier to accomplish, because as you well know, there were multiple people with whom I could chase my orgasmic highs from.

In my head this post played out as more of an instructional, not to do when it comes to keep a relationship alive. And perhaps I will develop that further into a Medium article about some more pitfalls regarding my time in non-monogamy, elaborating on the whole Lust vs Love revelation. Actually you know me, I definitely will. This post however, has taken me on a different path, which is the truth, that fixing things with intercourse does not work when the relationship is not the problem. I am going to go cry in a little corner for a moment, so take a pause with me, and perhaps go shopping for a new toy or waterproof blanket on my home page? *Sniff* *sob* *wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

OK, that was embarrassing, but I’m back. Deep breath here. My relationship is amazing and doesn’t need fixing and that’s wonderful, but I am still in a rut. Why? Because I need some fixing. Nothing huge or major, but I’ve been sad for a while, and have been running on fumes. Thus, this feeling of burntout-ness. It may not be a real word now, but just you watch it catch on become the new thing… burnt-out-ness. It just has all the feels to it. As I wrote in my last post, I am starting to blog again, because I know deep down, sharing in this way balances me. And it is those small things that I need to start doing more regularly, so I can fall back on something while I am tackling some huge life endeavours. And what makes it harder, is that I don’t have a relationship to complain about. All I have, is myself. I have the closest to perfection that I could ever wish for, and am faced with the truth that my relationship with self, kinda sucks right now.

So there, I have admitted I have a problem. And this is notice to self, that we are going to tackle this. We are going to deep dive into why we are here, and why things are not feeling amazing. No more hiding behind self love (yes, that means exactly what you think that means). No more little bursts of relief. We are the result of all our past behaviours, actions, and those people who shared the journey, and it’s time to take a hard look at what we need to let go of, and what things we bring with us for our future journey. But first… s%x! Kidding, not kidding, oh this is going to be hard.

As always, thank you for the love, support, likes, and shares. And those messages of solidarity. Sure I cry when received, but damn do I ever appreciate you all.

Staying in My Lane?

    K Ghislaine

For the past year or so, I have shifted my blog into something that felt more authentic to me, and that was my current struggles with getting pregnant. My blog has always been a way for me to sort out the problems facing me, and the questions that I have about new experiences, aka non-monogamy. As a way of keeping me a little grounded and focused, I have tried, really really tried to stay in my lane, whatever that may be in my current time and space. Well, the reality is, that has not brought me any joy. In fact, it has done the opposite, and stifled my creativity. So, change is coming.

In my most recent article for Medium, I got brave and wrote about politics. At first it felt strange and uncomfortable, in that I was deviating from my area of expertise, which is relationships. But the more I wrote, the more I realized that relationships are breaking down every place we look. The us vs them is hurting our ability to fix real problems, or at the very least be able to discuss them. And well, I have simply never hid from a challenge. So let me be clear, it is time we start openly discussing things that are affecting us, hence this post, and the rekindling of my creative juices, and beyond that, who honestly knows.

I believe that my sex positive and relationship fluid background are valuable in today’s very rigid society which I am not a fan of. And it is only by challenging this, with a plethora of voices, mine included that we can get back to a place where argument and discussion have a valid place. Where we are free to ask questions and voice our opinions and, here’s the big thing, listen respectfully to others. Sure, my background is non-monogamy, and questioning relationship norms. And yes, to the casual observer that may not seem like a person who should be expressing themselves freely, but guess what? Having that level of intimacy and interaction with such a broad range of humans makes me perfectly qualified to start addressing things of concern and I need to own that!

I have long maintained that we need to be more accepting of one another. And well, that starts with me. I need to accept that I have a voice, and a platform that can contribute to healthy and honest communication about things that are real, raw, and sometimes taboo.

We have to get past not wanting to offend others and start working towards increasing our understanding and compassion. And we have to do it, with our eyes open. As I mentioned in my last Medium article, we are living in an oil and water society where half want to make their own success and the other half want to help others. Throughout history, this back and forth has created many great things, and I look forward to us getting there again. However it feels like we are in the darkest timeline where there is simply no talking, but rather judgment and hatred for all those who do not share our ideologies without actually talking to them first? We have lost sight of a truth we used to know, that you learn more from someone on the outside, than from someone on the same side as you.

So let me get back to the questioning everything, and the accepting nothing at face value. Life’s far more interesting that way. Are you ready to break away with me? Hahahaha….

To all those on my Patreon… thank you! I hope with the re-imagining of my creative forward blog, that will also increase my ability to post bonus content (which is already up for this post). And if nothing else, December is the month of my Beervent calendar which is always a fun time!

We’re Trying…

    K Ghislaine

What a terrifying thing to admit.  Are we even allowed to do that?  This is something couples keep to themselves until the 3 month mark is over, then you announce.  But the thing is, the 3 month part is the hardest.  It’s the most nerve wracking, and the most traumatic, especially when things go wrong.  Or even when things go right, or so I assume, because it’s your first time and you’re terrified.

I’ve recently had things go wrong.  It was awful,  but we both persevered like you’re supposed to.  We grieved together, but remained separated from the world.  When I went to work, I pretended that everything was ok.  Then I would breakdown at home, where I would face another reality of the miscarriage, and then another. The isolation, and the pretending everything is alright is exhausting. It takes a toll on you. On your womanhood, or manhood, or all the things that creep into your minds as you go from hope and wonderment, to letdown, and sadness.

The medical professionals tell you, especially with the first one that’s It’s not your fault.  It’s common.  You google the stats and see about 1/4 of all pregnancies end in miscarriage.   But is that true?  Was mine recorded?  Am I a statistic or just another unrecorded woman who went through something we aren’t supposed to talk about? Will I go through it again? Can I persevere through another failure?

And don’t get me started on the burden and grief and sheer helplessness that is felt by our partners.  Is that what being a future parent is really about? Taking your lumps in silence and then only talking about things when they are good?  I hate the silence.   I hate that we went through that alone. 

So, I’m changing the conversation.  We are trying to have a baby.  I’m now 40 and that’s scary. 

But also incredibly fun, and so hot, and all the amazing things that sex can be, especially with the best partner that you have ever been with. If we don’t start trying now, the reality is, we will be out of time. Biology doesn’t let a woman have babies at any point in her life, my biological clock is screaming. Men, yet again have hit the procreation jackpot. They can always have babies, well almost. Whereas me? I simply cannot wait anymore to try. And because I have found the man of my dreams, who is on the absolute same page as me, it’s simply a matter of can we, rather than do we want to. So, we are trying… to have a baby.

And yes, I am terrified of bringing any of you readers along for the journey. For sharing the private, personal, and all the jazz in between. But here I am, being vulnerable and raw, again!

Thank you for all who have supported me over on Patreon. I am getting back into the habit of taking being the scenes photos, and this post is no exception. So, enjoy!

One Less Stampede Slut: My Little Reflection

    K Ghislaine
Goodbye Stampede Slut

I woke up this morning to a notification from Google that one of my pages was skyrocketing, and I smiled. It was one of those knowing smiles, filled with reflection, and appreciation for almost everything that has brought me to this point, a place whereby I love who I am. And I realized, perhaps for the first time, that while my experiences “slutting” it up for Stampede helped shape who I am today, I have in fact broken away from that woman. I am no longer a stampede slut, but holy cripes did I ever have some great stampede fun.

For those who don’t know, the Calgary Stampede, well the party side of it, is basically like a cowboy Mardi Gras so to speak. It’s a time when the liquor flows over a 10 day period and almost everyone is in a cowboy hat! The transformation my city goes through is quite remarkable, and there is this feeling of western solidarity met with Ya Hoo’s, and Yee Haw’s on the streets. I know it sounds hokey, but you should see the grin on my face as I write these words. It’s a strange culture, that truly you have to see to believe. And I have definitely experienced a lot!

From drunken threesomes, to walks of shame. From pub crawls, to 2 stepping with strangers, and all the amazing butts in tight jeans! I’ve been drunker than a skunk, and woken up in strange beds. I’ve been to stampede swingers parties, and couples speed dating, and a few times, I’ve even been responsible and gone home alone, Ha! 

NoMoreWetSpot.com

The thing about this time of year, is that you can have stupid fun, especially if you are single or non-monogamous. And you can win some incredibly stupid prizes if you pretend to be the above, which absolutely happens in this city. There are many a marriage that allow for “indiscretions” during this 10 day period, and even more that it is absolutely forbidden to do so! It really is a wild time whereby wedding rings just don’t seem to matter, and well, it is the closest thing we as a city have to being sexually free.

And the thing of it is, I always knew that one day, the parties wouldn’t mean as much to me. And the call to come out and party would fade out into a whisper, I just didn’t expect it to happen so soon. Every experience that I have had, good and bad, wearing my skimpiest western wear, often out on the prowl, has made me the person I am today. And I smile, thinking back to the parties, and the memories, and the country music soundtrack that is forever burned into my brain. It is a cherished part of who I am, but, I can no longer call myself a slutty girl of stampede.

I can and will continue to dress the part because dressing up is my favourite thing to do. But, the wild parties, and drunken sexcapades are a thing of my past. I love that I live in a city whereby I could be this slutty girl when I needed to be her the most. When I needed to just lose myself in the music, and the flirtation, and the attention, I had a 10 day oasis. It helped scratch an itch that I admit I had to scratch.

It brought me so much closer to being the sex positive person that I am today. And I loved her, and her fearlessness in wearing pink chaps in public, or the shortest denim skirts! She was bold, and carefree, and stampeded her little heart out. I hope that I take the best parts of her with me, as I forge forward, towards this next, beautiful chapter of my life. Thank you Stampede Slut, and goodbye!

If you want to check out some of my stampede outfits throughout the years, check out my BreakingAway page on Patreon.

My Summer Reflection

    K Ghislaine
Summer Reflection: Cheers!

This summer, has been one of risks, and buckling down and just doing the hard things. I wish that I could say that it was a season that brought conclusions or even certainty, but I’m not sure that’s a place I exist. So, let me share a few milestones that I have worked on, and basically put into my brain, that yes, I may deserve a pat on the back even though I am not quite there. And maybe some kind soul will read this and agree, and perhaps buy me a coffee or a beer via my BreakingAway Patreon page? Any who, let me share a few of the big things I’m working on.

First and foremost, I am now financially free from my ex. It was exhausting at times, and the final step of a years long process to untangle our lives from each other. We are both in better places apart, and I am grateful that we were able to achieve this goal with civility. With that chapter closed, I was able to put the money from my separation to great use, and have made real progress in my future finances. I have struggled with money for decades, and I am proud to say that I have turned the corner with a real end in sight. I am finally in control of my own future.

Betty’s Toy Box (affiliate)

Now with that freedom, something else that I knew would happen, was an emotional release. And well, what that means for all you is that, I have been able to put the hard words on paper when it comes to the book I am working on. Yup, I am actively finishing my final edit, which, come hell or high water I will begin the pitching process and outside editing pain. I’m the closest I have ever been to finishing this, and with the fear comes this strange feeling of readiness. I am ready to let this project go out into the world, fear and all.

So, now, let me get to the summer of love summary. Well, I am no closer to an answer than when this summer started. Real connections have been made, and while I have no clue what the future will hold, I will say, I believe this was the summer of friendship. Clearly that is not where I want these stories to end, but, I am resting easy in the knowledge that none of this effort has been wasted. I have met and interacted with incredible people, and I feel rich in the knowledge that real friendships have been forged out of this. Yeah, there has been a lot of crap, and a heap of rough stuff to navigate, sorry to my nearest and dearest for having to listen to it all, but ultimately, there have been no regrets this summer. I took risks, shared real feelings, and had some intense conversations, and even better, I had some really fun moments, and a lot of laughter.

So, those are some of my summer reflections. Yes, I know the season isn’t over yet, and of course being me there is so much more to come, but… I wanted to take pause and give myself a reason to enjoy a few moments. I have worked hard, and even though the joy is by myself, I am patting myself on the back. The hard work will pay off. And the journey, well… it’s been an adventure!