Tag: BreakingAwayFromMonogamy

Blogging… Oh to blog in 2025

    K Ghislaine

When I started the year, I felt I needed inspiration and to take the focus off of everything that I felt was going wrong with my body. So, I embarked on a personal writing challenge, with prompts from I’m Still Writing. It did exactly what I hoped it would. It got me writing again, which I desperately needed after the completion of my first book, and the complete disappointment that I felt with not getting what I wanted. That sentence sounds childish and selfish. I know, but it’s the truth. I put so much effort and mental focus on having a baby, publishing my first book, and well, I’m hard on myself and set lofty goals. And I’m even harder when it comes to things that I can’t control, so thanks for nothing 2025.

The other thing that I grappled with, is that the sex life of a monogamous and happy person, just doesn’t seem interesting to write about. My boyfriend really wants me to strike it rich with the creation of my own harlequin romance novel, with him as the dashing hero. So, obviously I have his loving support to write about our sex lives. But, we were having sex, sometimes on timed days to coincide with the pills I took for a few months to try and encourage pregnancy. Yes, these are stories that have value, but writing about failure, just bummed me out.

I keep writing this sentiment about getting back to basics, and just blogging because I love it. And well, after a year of identity conflicts, I’m still here. My 30 day sex positive challenge turned out to be the real fuel that I needed because a few of you embraced it, and connected. So, I guess with blogs going out of fashion, OK, that’s been happening for years and years, but it’s the connection that I need. Twitter helped me explore so much diversity over the years. I lament the loss of that social media hub. I miss the sex positive community that I was a part of there. And thus, writing over much of the past year has felt, emptier and much more quiet.

I have cried more than a few times on the shoulder of my love, how I just need a win. And I’m coming to terms with it not being a win per se, but more, connection with a community. I don’t know where to find that right now. The non-monogamous sex positive people really came to mean a lot to me. And I simply haven’t found anything even close to that in my transition phase. But, here I am, putting myself out there, doing what I do, which is be vulnerable and honest. I am looking for my community. I am seeking that rush of ideas, and sharing of information. While I’m looking, primarily on Bluesky, I understand deeply that what I had, will probably never happen again. So, with eyes wide open, I’m looking.

Oh, and I should probably let you all know, that I am writing again. Not just blogging, and my articles on Medium. But… a project… book number 2. The likelihood of a memoir styled book being my first to be published I knew was a long shot. This next one, is filled with research and honestly has been really fun to plot and plan (With the subject matter being sex and dating??? Of course I am having fun). So, here we go, writing the next one! Always pushing forward, even after a long 2025, with sadly none of my big dreams coming true. Oh well, all I can do is keep dreaming, writing, and trying!

Want to buy me a coffee or a beer, please check out my Patreon page. Or, just comment wherever you found this post! It really does mean the world to me!

Week 9: Character

    K Ghislaine

This weeks challenge is one that I am going to blatantly disregard, even though I absolutely see the value in it, because I am captivated by the words that lead up to the challenge of character instead. For those who are not following the book itself, which I assume is almost all of you, Edith Wharton speaks to the idea of characters and them being influenced by people that we know. She goes on to explain that the moment a character is written down, no matter how closely inspired by someone else, they become different, or in her words they “instantly cease to be real”. The challenge she poses is to write down 5 traits, and then start a new character with the baseline of those traits, but do so without mentioning any of the traits. The beginning of a whole new entity seemingly from your imagination. As a writer of memoirs and life this did not excite me as much as the listen activity that lead up to it.

Here’s my story. Almost without fail, when I tell people that I write, they want to know if they can or will be in it. That’s fairly standard for any writer. People love personalizing things, it brings them closer to the medium and we simply cannot help being the vain little creatures we are, believing the world revolves around us. Now that is all well and good in the land of the vanilla. However, as you should know, my writing experience did not start there, as evidenced by this blog. So when I would go out into the real world, and share the subject matter of my blog, I was faced with an even stranger truth, the ones who desperately wanted to be the subject of my writing.

Beer with a friend, or a new acquaintance would go like this. “Nice to meet you! What do you write about? Oh really?! Have I got a story for you! Let me now overshare a personal sexual tryst that I know you are going to love.” For those who know me in person, you can well imagine the look of horror on my face. For those who don’t know me face to face, and wonder why the look, especially as I tout myself as being sex positive, let me explain. I love talking about sex, relationships, and the like. However, there is a time and a place. Rarely do I share a story simply to brag about my sexual exploits. In fact, there is the possibility that if I did, I would be far more famous than I am currently, which is not at all. But, I am not here for fame. I am here to share real world experiences in the hopes that others can relate or learn things.

In my mind, very little conversation or discussion can arise from someone excitedly telling me a tale of how this one time, their lover told them they were the best they had ever had and this is exactly why they said that! Yes, I know, writing that down it is clear they wanted me to turn around and say, prove it! Let us jump in the sack right now so I can test the validity of your sexual prowess. Hmmm… now that’s a thought experiment. How many people would have gone through with it, versus chickening out in the moment? Some questions will simply never be answered, and that is not a bad thing.

So back to the whole character writing part. I don’t think I could ever do justice to a piece that simply shared the sexual exploits of others. My attraction lies in the individuals I sleep with, and their unique personas. And I find the complexity of people to be compelling. None of that allure gets conveyed when a person brags to me about their sex lives moments after we have our first sip of beer. Holy hell am I ever glad that I don’t date any more. So many moments are rushing through my head right now that it is difficult to focus on the subject at hand, which is developing a character with traits that are compelling. So, to all those who have wondered if I will ever share your stories, the answer is almost certainly no. And in fact, if you ever see yourself in my book, chances are it is from a shared experience and not from any character development on my part. That is not a skill that I want to hone, as a matter of personal integrity and privacy to those with whom I have been intimate with.

Phew, that was a bunch to get off my chest. Stay tuned for the randomness that I’m sure I will bring forth next week! And if you can’t wait that long, feel free to check out the bonus content on my Patreon.

Week 5: Intuition and Logic

    K Ghislaine

When I read the title of this weeks writing prompt, I was nervous. For you see, I am not in the best of places emotionally right now. Hormones are a hell of a thing, and well, I’m feeling the weight them right now, all the while coming to understand that this is just a part of my here and now. Trying to give myself a break from over analyzing is tough work, and not something that I am particularly good at. Anyways, onto a prompt that will help focus my words, with intuition and logic. Wait a tick, did I just stumble upon something important here?

So in this prompt, Celeste Ng, speaks to the idea of writing down things creatively and then going back to them with a more logical lens. This idea of writing from your gut or soul, and then seeing if it makes sense, and the like. And well, I am more than grateful for a writing exercise that is more skill set building vs digging inside of me.

For those who are curious, I tend not to write creatively. Instead, I keep many ideas floating inside my brain, sometimes for hours, even days at a time. I let my mind wander over this thought or the next, often concerning my boyfriend with the pensive or faraway look on my face. I muse, puzzle, think, walk about, or drive. And then, the moment that logic floats in, or something solid actually materializes, I pounce out of my imagination and into the tactile. This sometimes takes the form of bullet point, rapid fire notes, and other times an entire fully formed story or article comes flowing out me. When the latter happens, I have learned that I must write down my title or subtitle of the piece first, so that the words that come pouring out actually remain cohesive. For me, that means a beginning, middle, and conclusion that ties all the ramblings together.

I live in a world of intuition, and only when the logic strikes do I put things down on paper. And to that end, I think for my next podcast, I will attempt this whole reverse outline that she speaks to, which intrigues me. In her mind, there is value in writing something down, and then pulling the outline afterwards, possibly a double check that there is logic and flow? Like I said, I am curious as to the effect this could have when I edit, or read out loud. Did I actually make my argument like the bullet point said, or did I miss a valuable summary point, that added cohesion and power to the words? My mind races with the impact this could have…

As always, thank you dear readers for following along. I hope perhaps my creative prompt journey inspires you to take your passion project to the next level. Maybe dig deeper yourselves, or hone in a skill. I would love to hear all about it! And yes, there will be bonus content on my Patreon at some point soon, I’m just feeling slightly overwhelmed with life right now.

Week 4: Emotion

    K Ghislaine

I have literally just spend the last hour going through old photos that I took of myself on various writing adventures, in an effort to find myself and my voice. The prompt from Alice Walker, spoke about writing from a place of hate, and how paralyzing it can be. And I felt that paralysis, as I scrolled image after image. The memories of me trying, so hard to reconcile everything that I had been through, while at the same time, sugar coating it all, because I simply wasn’t ready to face the hard reality that I was alone. And more so, that I had been going it alone, for a very, long time.

The writing prompt side of this week, talks about writing from anger, and then revisiting the piece with a more moderate, or middle ground approach. And well, I want to tell you a story, about me doing just that, but over years and years.

As many of you know, I have written a book, a memoir of that open relationship that got me blogging. When I first started the book, I was in love, or what I would later learn was lust. And it was in that state of being I first endeavoured to write a book of fiction. It was a pen and paper novel, that I figured would allow me to better discuss everything that I had questioned but in the “clever” guise of a narrative so I could never be culpable to my relationship. It was… terrible. But an admirable effort on my part.

I did some soul searching and realized that I needed to revise it to a memoir, and keep it in a similar style to my blog so as not to alienate my incredible supportive readers. That book began as a love story, without an ending. It was simply a continuation of the blog with no rising action, no intrigue, just deeper dives into what transpired. My book was doomed, until that fateful day that I realized there was absolutely zero love in my home.

That was the day, that I picked up my book, and started with fresh eyes, and from the beginning. In those few weeks, and then months, I wrote with a fever pitch, and I wrote with anger. Some might even say, hate. But not hate at him. It was hate at myself. I would write words that poured out of me, and I know I cried a lot, but I don’t actually remember when or where. I just wrote, probably 50’000 words of pure rage, and dislike for who I had become as a result of losing myself to him, and his identity. It was awful. And again, so was the book. Because I blamed myself for everything that went wrong, it was horrible introspective that was so one-sided, it added to my depression to even think about. So I didn’t, I just wrote.

This prompt asked about writing with hate, and I think I have learned a lot from writing nearly an entire relationship worth of words, blinded by a rage I couldn’t control. I still don’t quite have the words to describe what a lonely period of time that was. The realization that I was not the person I wanted to be. A lifetime of experiences and adventures, with nothing redeeming to show for it, besides the chapters of a book, filled with self loathing and blame. That was a lesson I learned from. While cathartic, looking back of course, I no longer write when I feel that bubbling rage. I no longer will put words down on a page, when I cannot think straight. I know it those moments, I don’t want to capture that essence. It’s not sincere, it is not honest, and it is not worth capturing.

Writing with emotion is what I do best. Real, raw, and vulnerable. But… with an openness and a realization that there are always more sides to a story than just mine. That is the lesson I took away from writing in a period of hatred. Emotion is good. Extremes are bad! At the end of the day, I want to be remembered for being authentic rather than a drama queen who used her emotion to sensationalize her story. We can save that for the harlequin romance adaptation! Haha.

I hope you are enjoying this writing prompt edition of my blog, and I thank you all for reading!!! This post does not have any behind the scenes photos (no one wants to see me ugly cry!) on Patreon, but there is still some great content, and I am working on switching all my pay-walled medium articles to friends and family ones so there is added incentive to joining. My aim is to have this done for all tier levels, so please be patient with me as I make the changes.

Week 2: Digging Deeper

    K Ghislaine

Fantasy VS Reality

Look at me go… 2 weeks in a row blogging with writing prompts! When does this become a habit that I no longer have to think about? Hmm… that is a question for the ages. If you missed week one, you can click here, and if you want to journal with some writing prompts of your own from some incredible women writers: the book I’m using is the image. Without further ado, let me puzzle out the idea of fantasy vs reality in my own writing.

When I first started reading Ursula K Le Guin speak to imagination and fantasy, I was both captivated by her incredible use of imagery to speak to fiction, and also nervous that in the very second week, I would be unable to complete this task. My written word has primarily existed in the world of non-fiction, memoir, and real life experiences, shared for all, or I suppose overshared is more apt. Fiction is not a medium I work with, and the idea of utilizing disparate concepts is pretty much the complete opposite of where I want to be.

The thing is, when working with a medium that includes other people, the idea of libel is one that often weighs heavily on my mind. As much as I try to relate my experiences and perspectives alone, none of my adventures would exist without others in it. So to create a narrative that is anything less than authentic, colourful or imaginative could open me up to a whole host of things I am not prepared for. So to understand the connection in my own work, is to acknowledge that for the most part, I try to bring as much truth, and sincerity as I can to my words. My playfulness is with puns, little inside jokes that make me smile, and so many euphemisms.

I will say though, when I have played with the idea of merging fantasy and reality, erotica is almost exclusively the result. Am I an amazing writer in that medium? No. Does it take a lot out of me? Yes, yes it does. But, is it fun from time to time? Hells yes. This is the one place where I can take a hot experience, and twist it with a few delightful embellishes or simply play out how I wish an evening could have gone, might have gone, and sometimes just something that I would never want in real life, but my brain says… maybe? If you’re curious here’s a piece I had published many moons ago, that being said, the link was pretty difficult for my computers security to accept as real, so you might not get to read it. But, here goes… A Night for Three.

When my imagination and experiences come together, I never feel like I can publish those words. They aren’t real, and thus, I feel like there is less value in putting them down on paper. I “love” digging deeper in things that are real, and tangible. I have love in quotations because in the past few years it has been a love/hate endeavour, especially in the finishing of my first memoir. In this moment it is love that I feel. And touch of pride that I continuously put myself out there, trying to ensure that I am the best, possible me that I can be. Genuine and real to all those who are in my inner circle. Wow, from a prompt I thought would have no value, I really have gone on an adventure.

Stay tuned for week three! And if you want to see the behind the scenes, or read a few more excerpts from my short lived Breaking Away After Dark series, check out my Patreon.