Week 2: Digging Deeper

Fantasy VS Reality

Look at me go… 2 weeks in a row blogging with writing prompts! When does this become a habit that I no longer have to think about? Hmm… that is a question for the ages. If you missed week one, you can click here, and if you want to journal with some writing prompts of your own from some incredible women writers: the book I’m using is the image. Without further ado, let me puzzle out the idea of fantasy vs reality in my own writing.

When I first started reading Ursula K Le Guin speak to imagination and fantasy, I was both captivated by her incredible use of imagery to speak to fiction, and also nervous that in the very second week, I would be unable to complete this task. My written word has primarily existed in the world of non-fiction, memoir, and real life experiences, shared for all, or I suppose overshared is more apt. Fiction is not a medium I work with, and the idea of utilizing disparate concepts is pretty much the complete opposite of where I want to be.

The thing is, when working with a medium that includes other people, the idea of libel is one that often weighs heavily on my mind. As much as I try to relate my experiences and perspectives alone, none of my adventures would exist without others in it. So to create a narrative that is anything less than authentic, colourful or imaginative could open me up to a whole host of things I am not prepared for. So to understand the connection in my own work, is to acknowledge that for the most part, I try to bring as much truth, and sincerity as I can to my words. My playfulness is with puns, little inside jokes that make me smile, and so many euphemisms.

I will say though, when I have played with the idea of merging fantasy and reality, erotica is almost exclusively the result. Am I an amazing writer in that medium? No. Does it take a lot out of me? Yes, yes it does. But, is it fun from time to time? Hells yes. This is the one place where I can take a hot experience, and twist it with a few delightful embellishes or simply play out how I wish an evening could have gone, might have gone, and sometimes just something that I would never want in real life, but my brain says… maybe? If you’re curious here’s a piece I had published many moons ago, that being said, the link was pretty difficult for my computers security to accept as real, so you might not get to read it. But, here goes… A Night for Three.

When my imagination and experiences come together, I never feel like I can publish those words. They aren’t real, and thus, I feel like there is less value in putting them down on paper. I “love” digging deeper in things that are real, and tangible. I have love in quotations because in the past few years it has been a love/hate endeavour, especially in the finishing of my first memoir. In this moment it is love that I feel. And touch of pride that I continuously put myself out there, trying to ensure that I am the best, possible me that I can be. Genuine and real to all those who are in my inner circle. Wow, from a prompt I thought would have no value, I really have gone on an adventure.

Stay tuned for week three! And if you want to see the behind the scenes, or read a few more excerpts from my short lived Breaking Away After Dark series, check out my Patreon.

Exploring Fluidity Through Erotica Fantasy Writing

Gender Fluid

When I made the decision to start focusing on writing as more than just a hobby, I quickly realized that I needed to have creative outlet which is where my Patreon tier Breaking Away After Dark was born.  Here I have been able to flex a few of my more erotic tales, and fully realize a fantasy or two.  Whenever I am feeling a bit of writers block coming on, or have the desire to take a little “me time” break, I pull up my in progress fantasy document and add a few brainstorms.  It has been a very fun ride, that, well, if you have read any of my tweets as I try and write down a new one, comes with numerous “breaks”!   When I go back to edit these brainstorming sessions for actually submitting to the public, I have noticed an interesting thing, the person I am writing about, is usually without a fixed gender or orientation.

As I explore my own fluidity in relationships, and break away with the norms of he said/she said, my subliminal mind is writing in a fluid and undefined way.  When I go back and edit a piece, I will add in a gender and descriptors for clarity. Or as in my last piece, I was all over the place with who this fantasy person was that I was describing, I was actually able to pull out two very distinct sexual fantasies, one was FF and the other was FM.  I would write things like a silhouette of your curvaceous body, and then in the next paragraph describe the full formed shoulders and biceps.  It’s as if my brain flips who is giving me pleasure based on the sexual act or touch I am describing.

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I mean, obviously I need more threesomes or foursomes in my life, that much is clear.  But what is a little deeper under the surface, is how the definition of my “straightness” identity is clearly in flux.  While I recognize that I am becoming for fluid in life, less regimented in my thinking, and growing more open-minded in my day to day life, I was not expecting the same to be true of my creative writing and brainstorming.  I thought that my subconscious mind would instead revert back to the structured definitions I was raised with.  I truly thought that when brainstorming my mind would default to the MF dynamics that it has been defined by for 35 years.  When you shut your brain off and going into brainstorming mode, aren’t you supposed to go into autopilot?

Which of course leads me to question if my straight orientation was the façade this whole time.  Perhaps I established myself as this strictly straight being for some unbeknownst reason.  Perhaps this fantasy writing is allowing me to share my true default of “it just doesn’t matter”.  Or more to the core, that I am attracted to individuals and not genders.  Just as I am looking for fluidity in my relationships, I am pretty sure that is extending to a more fluid perception of who is on the other end of that intimacy. 

Obviously, I am a work in progress, questioning every step of the way.  And who knows where my next erotic piece will take me, or even where my next sexual adventure will.  In the meantime, I am trying to keep myself open minded, and happy with just knowing that at this point, anything is possible, and that optimism keeps me going day in, and day out. 

Thank you to everyone who bought me a beer/coffee in October via my Patreon!  Your support helped fund the creative and sex positive writing that I love doing! Many huge thanks to you all!

Flexing My Erotic and Fantasy Writing Muscles

Breaking Away After Dark

If you read my post about nudity in nature, you should be up to speed on how stressful and intense my life has been.  With that said, as I am coming back to balance in my life, and am better equipped to handle the day to day stresses, something sexy and surprising awoke in me.  And that was a little fiction erotic fantasy writing.  It’s a genre of work that I have never even allowed my brain to think about, or at least nothing beyond a paragraph or two.  I love non-fiction and it’s primarily what I read and write, but as it turns out, dabbling in the creative has been incredibly cathartic for me, and my libido too.

There is something so sexy and freeing about allowing your brain to fantasize about a new situation, and then actually putting that fantasy into the written word.  It takes on a whole new shape and form, and then screams out to me to just let go and experience it.  The first 2 pieces felt like they were already fully formed in my brain and desperately needed to get out.  While the third one, felt more like I was creating it on the spot, in the heat of an incredible moment while I was alone, typing in the woods. 

As I type this post, I feel drawn to typing more erotic shorts, and it’s like there is this intense creative and sexual tension in me, just bursting to get out.  I am not sure where this type of writing will lead me, but I am very excited to explore it.  I will leave you with a public excerpt of the first one I wrote, and put the rest under my Patreon for the time being.  Again, this is a brand new medium for me, and I hope you enjoy exploring it as much as I do.  I have no idea what frequency I will be typing them out, but if you’re interested in this type of writing and want to have something drafted up that is a little more personal to you, drop me a line, and we can talk about it further.

I hope you enjoy this little tease from Breaking Away After Dark…

Longing

Here we sit across from each other, in the sunshine of a busy patio.  Beers in hand, smiles, and a conversational flow that most people envy.  Our legs nearly touch under the table.  I can feel the warmth of that not quite innocent knee touch, and my face flushes at the thought.  We are so close, surrounded by strangers, who know nothing of our situation.  We laugh, chide each other on, sipping our beer just a little too fast.  And then, I make a move.  The first move since that incredibly drunken night of flirtatious delight.  I reach across and touch your arm as I go for my beer.  You don’t pull away. 

Instead you lock eyes, and smile that devilishly crooked smile.  I flush deeper this time.  Shocked at my brazenness, and relieved that you didn’t pull away. 

But now what comes next?  For you see, I know that you are married, and you know that I am in an open relationship.  We have discussed where we are, but not where we are going.  Are we to remain locked forever in this flirtatious tease?  I playfully touch, and you remain confident and steadfast.  You are certain I won’t cross any lines.  You trust me.  And I sigh. That deep longing sigh, that is almost audible to the patrons around us…. 

To read the rest of part i of my non-monogamous fantasy, please check out my Patreon.