Love, Sex, and What Comes Next
There are so many things that society, or family dictate that you must keep a secret. Your sex life for example, shall never be shared publicly. So of course, I created a blog to explore and to ultimately better understand my last non-monogamous relationship. It began as questions, and evolved into my stance that breaking away from taboos can be valuable, and sometimes even helpful to share. Writing has given me clarity of purpose and is also how I best express myself, and find the answers to all of my many, many questions. Sometimes I even stumble upon a snippet of wisdom or two, and I count myself lucky in that I’ve been fortunate enough to share with anyone who dares to read. Oh, and I may have finally finished my book… so stay tuned for details on that! But for this post let me get down to my next chapter brought to you by love, sex, and what comes next for me!
I am about to embark on a new sort of taboo and secret sharing, that is going to push me out of my comfort zone, yet again. And that is this whole wanting a family thing. Specifically, wanting children. I am tearing up, simply writing those words, because there is a secret deep down, that I have felt necessary to keep to myself for quite some time. And it’s hurt to do, almost as badly as the actual experience was, and that was my miscarriage early on this year.
For those long time readers who are going, whoa! I signed up to read about your experiences outside of monogamy, and not something so personal, such as loss. And, at this point, I thank you so much for your support over the years, and completely understand you not wanting to continue. For those who are still a little curious, as to what I can possibly be thinking right now, it is simply this; trying to have children is a subject that people are reluctant to talk about. It is something that feels strange, and difficult to write about, or even talk about, and that is why, I know deep down, that I must.
Also, I have long touted myself as being sex positive. And guess what? One of the things that can result from sex, is procreation. Thus, I don’t think this is a strange fit at all for this blog. Sex is about pleasure, fun, love, and yes, sometimes even trying to create life. I’m almost 40, financially stable, and have found the absolute love of my life. And so, what better time than to try, fulfilling a dream I have had for decades, which is to be a mother. And yes, there can be no doubt that my biological clock is absolutely screaming at me to hurry up, before it gets too late, so hormones might play a little role too.
I have experienced so much when it comes to sexual exploration, as this blog can attest. But the one thing, I have yet to experience is what sex is like, when two people who love each other, are trying to conceive. I was trying to make that line cheesy and corny, but decided that blunt was the best. When I accidentally got pregnant, I was horrified to realize the complete lack of reputable information for all the many questions that I had. Yes, I am a sexual being, and yes, I want to continue to be a sexual being even when pregnant, but, above all, I want to do the right things, and ensure that I’m doing all the best things possible to ensure a healthy baby. And while this blog will never and can never serve to give medical advice, what it aims to do is share my experiences in an honest way.
I’m sure there are many people that don’t want to read about this journey, and that is absolutely alright with me. But I know how many questions I had late last year when I found out, and how helpless I felt when everything went wrong. I don’t think I am alone in that feeling, and as I have always said, if I can help just one person through my mistakes, and experiences, then all the vulnerability will be worth it. My writing will remain raw, real, and yes, I will be talking about sex, this is me after all. So stay tuned, because I’m about to tackle something taboo, and write the secrets down that apparently you are not supposed to talk about. Love, Sex and what comes next!
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