Tag: self love

Mid-Life Crisis… Here I Come!!!

    K Ghislaine

Ok, drama queen alert. I know, I know. If you’ve been reading over the past year, you may have already figured this out as my posts have been more introspective, and of the variety of trying to improve my outlook on things. Hey, it’s what it is. And considering that there is an entire term for what I have been feeling, I don’t think I am alone here, even though the reality is that I feel very much alone, well at certain moments.

Here’s the thing, I thought that I had it pretty good. I had a job that I really loved, and a side hustle that brought me so much joy. When the brewery closed though, things got a little murky. So, I dug deep and wrote a book. Great! But, in today’s climate the best case scenario is that it gets published 2 years from now. Yeah, I have lamented about this before. So, sorry to any regular readers, I’ll get to the point, I feel the career mid-life crisis weighing on my very soul.

So, what brought this all to light? A few weeks ago, I had an interview for a retail management job that I am over qualified for. I answered each question, as if I had been doing it for years. I was flooded with memories of managing a team of women, the hard to please customers, the sales aspects, and the constant nagging of head office to provide all the numbers that honestly in retail is so often beyond your control. I left that interview, defeated, and almost sick to my stomach. Why in the world did I put myself through that 50 minute ordeal?

Just because you can, doesn’t mean that you should. And that, is the crux of it all, figuring out what it is that I should be doing. And well, I have known it all along, but making the actual push and sacrifice to do it, has never been possible, or I guess practical. And it’s still not. It feels like an indulgence, but a very expensive indulgence, and I am uncomfortable that it has taken me so long to say out loud, that getting my full education is worth it. That I am worth it.

If you follow me on social media, maybe you’ve seen this months self love challenge. I have it on Bluesky, but also my lesser known accounts on IG and Facebook for Breaking Away Coaching. It is here, that I am humbly reminded just how important the relationship with self is. And that this relationship needs to be nurtured from time to time. And in this case, it’s time that I give myself a few credentials that will really make me feel like the person I know I want to be.

So, here I am, reminded that the relationship with self, is just as important as the relationships with others. And well, it took writing 2 out 3 on Medium to really get this crisis ball rolling. Ok, fine, the ball has been rolling for a long time, I just have been my stubborn self who wanted to find a solution that didn’t feel like investing in myself, and thereby putting my life on hold.

Thank you all for the likes, shares, and comments which is the best way to support this blog, oh and subscribing to my Patreon!

S%x Fixes Everything

    K Ghislaine

For the longest time, I have held firm to the belief that the most sacred and primal of acts, can in fact fix anything. OK, clearly not absolutely everything, but I have leaned on this idea to patch over more than a handful of difficult situations. And while I desperately want to blame my upbringing, or past men in my life for planting this idea, the truth is, this one is all on me. The idea hit me, long long ago, and I have tricked my little mind into thinking that it has actually worked, and given me more time with the people I have wanted to be with. I mean, the long standing myth is that men only want s%x, ergo, if I want to be with them, then presto… we do it all the time for a happy ever after.

Unfortunately, while the act itself is fun, and provides a lot of health benefits, especially when it comes to endorphins, and all those amazing good mood hormones that get released, it doesn’t actually fix problems. Oh, for sure it covers them up for a time. You know that post coitus afterglow time, when everything is magical and happy. But when those happy forces subside, you’re left with the reality of the situation, which sucks so, you do it again. Or at least that is how I managed to extend the life on very dead relationships in the past. And well, it was made all the easier to accomplish, because as you well know, there were multiple people with whom I could chase my orgasmic highs from.

In my head this post played out as more of an instructional, not to do when it comes to keep a relationship alive. And perhaps I will develop that further into a Medium article about some more pitfalls regarding my time in non-monogamy, elaborating on the whole Lust vs Love revelation. Actually you know me, I definitely will. This post however, has taken me on a different path, which is the truth, that fixing things with intercourse does not work when the relationship is not the problem. I am going to go cry in a little corner for a moment, so take a pause with me, and perhaps go shopping for a new toy or waterproof blanket on my home page? *Sniff* *sob* *wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

OK, that was embarrassing, but I’m back. Deep breath here. My relationship is amazing and doesn’t need fixing and that’s wonderful, but I am still in a rut. Why? Because I need some fixing. Nothing huge or major, but I’ve been sad for a while, and have been running on fumes. Thus, this feeling of burntout-ness. It may not be a real word now, but just you watch it catch on become the new thing… burnt-out-ness. It just has all the feels to it. As I wrote in my last post, I am starting to blog again, because I know deep down, sharing in this way balances me. And it is those small things that I need to start doing more regularly, so I can fall back on something while I am tackling some huge life endeavours. And what makes it harder, is that I don’t have a relationship to complain about. All I have, is myself. I have the closest to perfection that I could ever wish for, and am faced with the truth that my relationship with self, kinda sucks right now.

So there, I have admitted I have a problem. And this is notice to self, that we are going to tackle this. We are going to deep dive into why we are here, and why things are not feeling amazing. No more hiding behind self love (yes, that means exactly what you think that means). No more little bursts of relief. We are the result of all our past behaviours, actions, and those people who shared the journey, and it’s time to take a hard look at what we need to let go of, and what things we bring with us for our future journey. But first… s%x! Kidding, not kidding, oh this is going to be hard.

As always, thank you for the love, support, likes, and shares. And those messages of solidarity. Sure I cry when received, but damn do I ever appreciate you all.