Seeing Your Friends Naked?

Bowser photo bombing when I’m trying to show off!

One of the tenants of the swinger lifestyle is that you don’t make friends swingers, you make swingers friends.  While I don’t of course agree with rules such as these, it is does lead itself into an interesting discussion that I have over the years, and now that I am little less shy sharing my blog with friends the frequency is increasing.  There are a growing number of people who have concerns with how to act around me after they have seen me naked.  If you don’t already know, I used to put a lot of naked photos on my blog (which are still up if you want to do some digging), and now I have a Patreon page for those more “titillating” photos that helps fund my writing and future endeavours.  While I would love to have people on the lower tiers, simply supporting my work, the reality is, I have pretty much all my support on the top two tiers which ranges from pg13 to R rated content. But they are exclusively strangers, which begs the question, can you handle seeing your friends naked?

Now, here is the thing.  I am open.  I live my life as I see fit, with an open relationship, combined with the openness of my sexuality, and freedom of expression.  I choose what goes out into the world and I love what I do.  However, when people that I work with, socialize with, or even just have mutual acquaintances with find my blog or photos I ultimately will receive some pretty interesting messages (which makes me wonder all the things I don’t hear).  The common theme is that they don’t want me to feel uncomfortable with them looking at me, or knowing what I look like without my clothes on.

I could play Freud here, and psycho analyze what this really says about them, etc, but I am not going to do that.  Instead, I am going to speak to the peculiarity of the situation this puts me in.  I create public content and I have it available to everyone.  So to me, that pretty much states that I am fine with anyone in my network or outside of it consuming the content within.  In fact, it is beyond flattering and so very appreciated that my loved ones would actually put a little money into my pocket or a tip here and there.  But with these initial messages, I find myself in a place where I can either try and sell the work, coerce people to look, share, support, or whatnot but often I feel it’s only appropriate to talk them out of looking at it.  No, I don’t mean in a reverse psychology sort of way either.

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Why do I talk them out of it sometimes?  Because our society, as a whole, doesn’t seem ready to embrace nudity.  We directly correlate the nude body with sex, and then that intertwines feelings that are much more primal than our day to day interaction with peers allows.  Can I see a male naked and then talk to them like a normal human being the next day?  Sometimes yes, sometimes I will blush a little first, and then be able to chat with them.  There is nothing inherently wrong with that, but I understand how it could be uncomfortable for some, or just too far outside of their comfort zone to come to terms with.  And look at that, I tried not to analyze, yet here we are.  It’s a puzzling conundrum and one that I totally empathize with.  If you’re not able to separate nudity from sex, that is totally cool.  I was raised with open nudity in my household and it just feels really natural to walk around naked, but I realize that is not the norm, and I would never want to force my content on anyone. 

But to those who worry I might feel weird or judge the people who take a look please know this, my content is out there.  Embrace it.  Enjoy it.  We are adults and I love what I do.  I enjoy getting feedback (in a sex positive manor mind you, not an objectifying creepy way), and I love that I have received such gracious support from so many of you.  So, ask yourself this, would seeing me naked change our friendship in anyway for you?  And if so, why would that be?  And if you’re brave, I would love to read the conclusions you come up with!

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Non-Monogamous Urban Myths

My Pink Flamingo!

When you have a society that deems sex as taboo or negative in general, people find some pretty clever ways to come out to each other on the down low.  As you may have read in my post about Re-branding the term swingers, I talked about key parties, shag carpets, and the ways media has branded the swinger.  Now let’s talk about a few of the more common swinger myths. And a huge thanks to @yycjfl_yycguy for being brave enough to ask “what is with the pineapple, flamingo, and gnome in the lifestyle.”  So without further ado, let’s talk about some of the myths and tricks to spot a fellow non-monogamous person in the wild!

Pineapple

First up, is the pineapple.  Legend has it, that if you are grocery shopping and you are looking to get a few new sexy folks to join you for that evening’s fondue, you would put a pineapple upside down in the top part of your shopping cart.  This would be a clear sign to swingers that you and your spouse were looking to get some strange that night and to come on over!  Hot tub and sexy times were sure to follow for those special people who were in the know.

Flamingo

Second, the flamingo.  Often we see people celebrating an over the hill birthday party get inundated with 40 pink flamingos in their yard as a special shout out from their nearest and dearest.  But what about that lonely solo flamingo?  Is he there just a constant reminder that you are getting older and wiser day by day?  Maybe not.  In the world of the non-monogamous, this could be a sign that a swinger does in fact live here.  Doesn’t it have a nice ring?  Pink flamingo and ready to mingle?   I think so!

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Gnome

Third, the gnome.  This creepy little yard ornament has for a long time been the antique collectors pokemon go.  Gotta collect them all!  But for a few subdivisions in the states, having a gnome on your front porch is a signal to neighbors that swingers are willing and waiting inside.  While this does not seem to be one of the universal signs, it is one the stranger ones for me, as I struggle to wrap my brain around one of those weirdly shaped statues representing a callout for sexy times, but that could just be me.

Black Ring

Fourth, the black ring.  Now this started as an urban myth, and has actually gained quite a bit of popularity in the last few years.  So much so, that a few companies are now selling black couples rings to be worn on the right hand to signify a non-monogamous pairing.  This is a growing trend, and one still has to be a little weary as many industrial industries require black silicon rings for safety rather than metal to be worn.  So you might not want to approach under the assumption that just because it’s black, in means they are… well… I cannot come up with a catchy rhyme right now, but you get the idea.

Overall, I think these little myths and legends are a lot of fun to think about, and play around with.  But as always, you must tread lightly, because more often then not, these are just myths.  And while we try very hard to signal our sexy intent out in the wild, these are not universally known and could get you into heaps of trouble if done incorrectly.  Or perhaps that’s just the cautionary voice in me speaking out.  Maybe it’s time to just throw caution to the wind and display that cute pink flamingo, standing beside a garden gnome, with my upside down pineapple welcome mat, and the garage door open just a crack and a paper bag with a tea light in it… and OK, I could go on and on here with all the various myths and legends I have heard.  The best way to find someone?  Join a facebook group, check out a local swingers club, or find a non-monogamous social or munch.  The best way after all will always be face to face!  Happy hunting!

Do you have a fun myth you would like included in this list?  Share in the comments section, or reach out via twitter!

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