Tag: Swinging

Swingers: Please Stop Swinging

    K Ghislaine

Until you can again get consent from every person you interact with…

I try not to speak out against people in the swinging community, for one simple reason, I think it is more beneficial to show the good in the community. However, right now there are podcasters, even organizers, and club owners who are basically shining a horrific bright light on the community, and I all I can think is “you do it to yourself!”. It is heartbreaking, because I spend countless hours each week trying to dispel taboo’s, and talk about the great points of non-monogamy. Dispelling myths is absolutely my jam, and while I don’t have a huge reach, I feel that what I do is valuable. But here I am, watching people I follow like @CooperSBeckett and Steak&Tequila speaking up, and I feel compelled to join them, by saying Swingers, stop swinging.

I won’t mince words here with my point. There are swingers right now who are putting their sexual lusts ahead of the good of the community and that makes me sick to the stomach. I am not OK with hotel takeovers during this global pandemic. I am not OK with sex clubs being open, claiming that they are only open to consenting adults who know the risks, because there are just no get out of jail free cards here. I recognize that the club owners need to keep their livelihood, but the cost is just too great here. I have empathy for every small business owner out there, but you cannot put people in harms way for profit. You just can’t, it’s wrong.

I am going stir crazy at home. I hate not being able to go out and meet new people in person like I used to do. I miss dancing, flirting, having sex in front of a group of consenting adults. I hate the isolation, and yeah, my libido feels like a caged animal right now. I even broke my favourite vibrator due to over use. But, my love of my fellow man is more important. These are small sacrifices in the grand scheme of things. 

I’ve said it before, but when you go to a sex party during a pandemic, you are putting the cleaning staff, uber/cab drivers, liquor store clerks, grocery store clerks, and each and everyone of your family members at unnecessary risk. Why? Because you selfishly need to get laid! Often these innocent bystanders are lower income, and don’t have the choice to say no to work. But guess what? You, have the choice to put your sex drive on pause, for the good of others.

There has been such a push for consent, and if you’re a swinger I know you have heard the word. Well, consent isn’t just about sex. Consent is a norm that should be extended to all humans we interact with. And let’s face it, there is no way you are telling your elderly parents that you can’t see them for 14 days because you have to isolate after sex with strangers. There is no way, you are telling your babysitter that you are wearing a mask to drive them home, because you have just had your face in a stranger’s crotch. While swingers are more adept at hiding their lifestyle, if no one is supposed to be going out in groups, you stand out like a sore thumb! Just stop it!

I want to get back out there in 2021. But the more I see about people saying, bring your parties to Florida, we have no restrictions. Or emails saying, the hotel takeover was sold out in record time, and we are looking for a bigger venue. Or advertisements of podcasts driving across the country bringing the parties to you! I am just… tired. So tired. And sexually frustrated, and there is no end in sight.

If you are reading this, and feel it is a stretch and I am drawing ridiculous conclusions, I actually feel very sorry for you. In fact, I think I am under reacting, because the damage you are doing to the integrity of the non-monogamous community is heartbreaking. When this is over, we may have to go back underground, hide in shame, and stop using the word ethical. That crushes my soul. It’s a loss I am not prepared for. So please, cancel your events. Stop taking risks in the name of sex. And follow this simple rule, if you’re not willing to be open and honest in seeking consent when putting anyone into contact with you, you probably shouldn’t do it!

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Our Second New Years Takeover – Part I

    K Ghislaine

How To Do a New Years Takeover Right!

Hotel Takeover Poolside

Last year my partner and I attended our first lifestyle hotel takeover and we made a tonne of mistakes (which you can read here).  This year, I am very happy to report, we proved to be quick learners! For those who may not know, a hotel takeover is a lifestyle event where, for a pre-determined amount of time, the doors are closed to the public, and guests are able to let their hair down, so to speak in a sexy, secluded, and of course a very fun filled way.  The event organizers usually have meet and greet opportunities, minglers, parties, and rooms booked for the sexy after parties.  As it is at a hotel, guests have their own rooms right there, and I don’t have to explain why that is so amazing.  While following the rules of the lifestyle are a must, the organizers highlight the importance of respecting the staff as well, and not put them into situations that they did not consent too.  No orgies in the hallways, don’t get it on in staffed areas (unless specifically play approved), and just basically have a little common sense in the pool area, gym, public spaces etc.  With all that out of the way, it is everything you could hope for, a huge gathering of people (this one had just about 1000) who have one thing in common, loving sex.

So, let me share a few tips and tricks that made our adventure so wonderful, and hopefully will set you up for success too.  And, as a little bonus the following post will include a few sexy highlights from our 3 day adventure!

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Book Early

With an early booking you can ensure you have the bed size that you choose, have lots of time to come up with a PG plan to share with your vanilla friends, and of course you can schedule yourself as well.  The added bonus is that many takeovers offer discounts the earlier you book! 

Plan on Attending the Entire Event

While situations may vary, (babysitters, logistics in general, finances, etc) the thing that ensured we made this adventure the best it could be, was due to the fact that we were able to attend everything.  The more time you have to invest in mingling with other people, the greater your likelihood of finding what you are looking for.  Also, the events are a lot of fun!  Even if you only are able to make a small chunk of the meet and greets, parties, etc, it is well worth your time to attend as much as you can.

Bring Your Own Booze and Food

This was one of the first things we realized we were short on during our last adventure.  Not only will this save you money, but it is also a great way to invite people back up to your room.  Being the desirable place to be will dramatically increase your chances of making the night your own.  Plus, if you have your setup in your room, you can easily refuel on your terms, rather than having to be on anyone else’ schedule or to go offsite each time you are hungry.  One thing we did not check first was if there was a continental breakfast included with the room, and this was a huge mistake on our part.  Do your research about all the hotel amenities so you can be prepared.  Your focus should be on the meeting of new people, and not stressing about food, and drink.

Dress Up for Every Event

LED lights!

One of the key things that attracted us to this lifestyle was the costumes and dressing up.  Not only do we love showing off, but as an added bonus, following the themes in our unique way is a great ice breaker.  The other thing we discovered this year, is with so many people in one event, finding ways to stand out and be remembered increases your chances for success.  Introverts and extroverts alike can use this simple tool the event organizers give you to rock it.  And don’t worry about spending a lot of money.  We bought nothing additional for this trip aside from Christmas lights ($1.5 and batteries $2.50).  Use what you have and make it your own!

And if you are not able to follow the theme, make sure to smile and be friendly!  Watch your body language.  Be approachable, don’t cross those arms, and just have fun.  A few deep breaths go a long way to shake off the initial jitters.

In Summary

Take advantage of every opportunity you can to meet people.  Be friendly, participate, and remember to always ask first, and say no whenever you are unsure.  If you are looking for more specific lifestyle “how to’s” please check out my articles on Medium. Stay tuned for part ii… the sexy adventures.  If you want a sneak peak at some of the behind the scenes photos, check out my Patreon!