Tag: Year of the flamingo

Flamingo on the Inside, Sex Positive on the Outside

    K Ghislaine
I have no idea what Bowser and I are looking at!

My last piece was a birthday blog, with my hopes and aspirations for what I hope to find, and embrace in my 38th year of life. If you have been reading my work for any length of time, you might have noticed that as I get older, my birthdays are becoming less gut wrenching.  I think part of the reason for that is, I am finally living my best life that I possibly can.  Sure things aren’t perfect, and my dreams remind me each night that all I really want is something to naked cuddle with at night, and wake up excited to learn more about in the mornings.  Oh, and of course, someone who wants the exact same from me!  But… there is an added element that try as I might, I just don’t know how to broach.  Perhaps because men disappear before we even get that far?  Ooph, OK, back on track here, bringing up being sex positive with a new person, and it is not going well, but… I keep trying!

Imagine for a moment that you are on a date with a person that you know almost nothing about.  You sip your wine, laugh nervously, and talk about what you have in common.  You are sharing experiences in those precious few moments that will shape the foundation of where this chance encounter might go. Statically speaking the likelihood of going past a few dates is incredibly low, but, you feel a spark and decide that you want to keep seeing this person.  Cool, they want to see you back, all is great.  Now, at this point you start talking about your passions and what really fuels you as a human.  In my case, it is relationships, sex, and exploring everything intimate that connects our fellow human being.  Oh, and by the way, I post sexy photos online, and oh yeah right, I’ve been writing about my non-monogamous experiences for over a decade. Oh… wait I forgot, I am actually working on my second draft of my first memoir of said relationship.

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Yeah… so… that’s not going well for me. Writing about sex is still taboo. Men, don’t want to bring me home to meet their families. I am not motherhood material. And yeah, they figure I am a goddess in the bedroom so they can put in zero effort where that is concerned, and then just never call again.  Or, they want me to analyze their sexual past over a beer, in public, for free.

I’m not saying I would change a moment of who I am, or what I am passionate about.  And yes, someday the right man will come along who understands, accepts, and is not threatened by my past or present.  But hot damn I am tired.  So, so tired.  And I shouldn’t have to change or hide my past in order to have a future with someone, should I?  I overcome hurdles every single day. I challenge myself, and others to think, be more compassionate and embrace a sex positive world.  And at the end of it all, I just want someone warm to snuggle with, who loves me, understands me, and allows me to be me. I am a unique flamingo, looking for love, while embracing a sex positive future.  Deep breaths, just keep going.

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38 My Year of the Flamingo

    K Ghislaine
Year of the Flamingo

Getting my shit together has been hard work. And in the last year of my life, I pushed through some really difficult things, including budgeting, accepting singledom (and the fact that this time around ghosting is everywhere), and basically forcing myself into a new writing routine. With all that said, my 38th year, I am dubbing the year of the flamingo.  Which I love because it is the most unique, awkward, and interesting creature, thus my spirit animal. Embracing my inner flamingo has been an experience, and while I am not claiming to be an expert on this majestic bird, I do share a lot of traits with it. Or maybe I don’t, and just love the look of them. Either way, it’s fine.

As a very young child, I remember spending hours standing in my grandmother’s kitchen posing like a flamingo. I have no idea where this behavior came from, or for how many years I would do this.  What I do know is that the memory makes me smile, recalling me in my youth, just balancing in a way that made me happy. Zero flocks given!  Haha.

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Now, more than ever, I need that mentality to run through me. I have written a few posts, some shared, some not published yet about embracing that I feel better with a partner.  With a man in my life, I can take over the world, but alone, I only feel this about half the time, or sometimes less. Sure, I get confident bursts and moments, but then I get lonely and recall that I am missing intimacy.  The thoughts of inadequacy, or being too overwhelming for certain people, or that nagging voice that says I expect too much.  There we go, that brings on the tears.  I don’t want to be that intimidating person. Instead, I want to be warm and fuzzy, and yet… I am that flamingo.  Standing alone, in a group of thousands. That’s me.  Bold, pink, and largely mysterious.

I want to be less mysterious to a few souls this 38th year of life, but, who knows what the world actually has in store for me.  While embracing my own emotions has been rewarding, and calling emotions valid has helped, I do truly want partnership.  I hope though that love will appear a few times this year, and maybe not end in heartache? Perhaps? Maybe… pretty please universe?

Did you know that the #SexPositive30Days is currently going on via Twitter?  Join in, like, share, or tell a friend.  Participate for a day or the whole 30 days of October!