Being in a good dating state of mind is the foundation of my non-monogamous dating and relationship coaching.  And if you have been following along in the last few years, you may have noticed that I took a step back when it came to dating, because I recognized that I was in a bad state of mind.  I had lost something very dear to me, and that was hope.  And as a result, I took a step back, and focused on healing, and basically tackling only those things that were already within my grasp.  I took the time to rebuild my own confidence, and sort a few things out.  In essence, I put myself into survival mode.  And then, with the help of therapy, an incredible network of friends, and my partner I slowly found my inner strength again.

But when I had just accepted that this was my life now, something miraculous happened, I found a glimmer of hope.  Without realizing it, that had been what I stopped believing in.  I shut the part of me down that was the eternal optimist, and just lived for the few moments that fueled me.  Slowly those moments grew into hours, then a full day, and then a few days at a time.  And suddenly, I felt my confidence and power come back.  It wasn’t the goal.  But it was a delightful result.  And, as an added bonus, my sexual fantasies, and erotic imagination are starting to rebuild as well.

Over the past few years, I have started dabbling in erotica writing, and honestly, it was a muscle that felt incredible to finally put down on paper.  But it always felt a little out of my grasp.  If inspiration struck, I would have to drop everything and write that specific fantasy down.  It was not something that I had any control over.  And what’s worse, is that the fantasies, were so far beyond what I had experienced in person that they actually made me a little sad.  Here were sexy interludes, crisscrossing my brain, but fully intangible.  And yes, I know that many erotica writers are primarily doing so in the fiction realm, but what I wanted to write, I also want as a real part of my life.  And well, without hope, I buried that, deep into the depths of my imagination. 

I actually did something that I learned as a very young girl, and that was to compartmentalize.  But here I sit, with a growing clarity and a slowing re-merging confidence realizing that these fantasies could become realities.  And if I was brave enough to take some action… wow!  Would I ever be in for some fun times and sexy adventures.  I am flushed just thinking of the possibilities.  Of putting down the guard that always says no, until I have weighed out all the pros and cons, and just opening up, a little bit more than I have in the past. 

And finally, just writing this post, my brain has been awash with a few percolating fantasies.  While the majority will simply exist on paper, there are a few that I might try and make reality.  And that is both terrifying and deeply erotic.  It is a place I want to grow more comfortable with exploring, and all of that was made possible by the tiny little word… hope.

If you’re curious what fantasies I am working on, check out my Patreon page for the latest!