Challenge Time: Sex Positive For 31 Days!

#SexPositiveFor31Days

When we gathered in May to complete the 30 day sex positive challenge, the focus was self love, learning the word sex positive, and incorporating affirmations and little challenges that could be done around the home. This go around, I want to delve deeper. The aim is for each of us feel like a contributing member of the sex positive community by incorporating daily challenges, answering tough questions, and thinking about what really makes us tick, sexually speaking. If this is your first time playing, feel free to check out #sexpositive30days (on Twitter) to see a glimpse of what you are in for in Octobers sex positive for 31 days challenge.

Where can you find the challenges?

Every morning I will be posting a daily challenge on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. Just like last time I will be participating using my own Twitter handle. If you are comfortable sharing your answers, photos, or experiences please use #SexPositiveFor31Days and like or share so others can join in. If you’re not, that’s OK too! There is zero pressure to be public with your sexual experiences.

The Goal

The goal is simple: building the sex positive community, normalizing the word sex, and of course ending the stigma/taboo around being a sexual adult. As with the last challenge, it doesn’t matter what gender you are, what your orientation is, or even if you are single, partnered, or have multiple people in your life… the challenges are open to all of us. We are an inclusive community and talking about being sex positive is open to every adult who chooses to participate.

One important thing to note is this is a challenge. While I want to push myself and those participating outside of the comfort zone, the aim is to never feel silly or anything negative if there is something about sex you don’t know or want to look up! Sex is not stagnant, and being sex positive should feel the same way. Growing, evolving, changing with different partners, moods, or just plain old desire is amazing and valid. Ending the stigma and shame around sex is super important to me, and the driving force of these sex positive challenges. By talking about it, we normalize pleasure, and that is a beautiful thing.

So, if you are ready to be challenged, use the hashtag, like, share, and have fun exploring a sex positive you!

#SexPositiveFor31Days

If you love this challenge and are wondering how to support more sex positive efforts in the future, my Patreon page is always open or check out one of my amazing affiliate banners on my home page.

Bi-Curiosity and My Past Obstacles

Smiling for the future

Last November I finally came to terms in writing (which is a huge deal for me) that I was bi-curious. I nervously admitted to my partner that I was uncertain about just how straight I was, and was ready to start exploring. Well, as it turns out, my timing couldn’t have been worse because low and behold 2020 was right around the corner. I had switched my online dating profiles ready to dip my toes into the dating pool of females, but unfortunately Covid-19 hitting in March, abruptly ended all conversations. As a result I have been left alone with my thoughts, fantasies, and all the insecurities of approaching women forced into the back burner of my mind. Simmering away, I cannot help but lament the fact that it has taken me until my mid-30’s to recognize that my sexuality is likely as fluid as my relationships.

With the inability to move forward I feel like a fraud for thinking and not doing. I don’t want to hurt anyone or use a person for my own exploration. I am nervous to use, and worse, to be used. Isolation has granted me the luxury of getting lost inside my own head, and while it usually gives me great comfort, in this case, I have no frame of reference. I truly feel alone. I long for human contact, for intimacy, and for that intense spark of a budding relationship. But when I awake from the day dream of what if, I am reminded that we are in dark times. I cannot just go out and flirt or mingle like I earnestly desire. And the harsh reality  comes crashing down, that if I did take the risk and put myself out there, I do not know what I want or what I am looking for. This is going to take time, stumbles, and probably a few hurt feeling and bruised egos. I just feel so raw that now may not be the right time. But if not now, when?

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Looking back at how I was raised, it is no secret that I wish that my biological dad had been around more. I recall telling my mom that he took me to a breakfast spot downtown when I was young that had rainbow flags everywhere and no woman’s washroom. I had no idea what any of that meant, but when I told my step dad about the meal he was noticeably uncomfortable. As a staunchly homophobic man, I remember many nights of him accusing me of being a dike, with my short pixie haircut and not boyfriend to speak of. And when I was in university I was still living at home so exploring my sexuality was still out of the question. Plus I met the man I nearly married only a month or so in. So that was that. I was on the path of the straight and narrow, even defiantly so.

I don’t want this to seem like I am making excuses or that I haven’t forgiven my past. But, looking back, I can see why it took me until my mid 30’s to break away from my personal rigidity. While the timing is not quite right to fully put myself out there, I am allowing my fantasies to be a little more fluid. I still don’t know when things will open up, or when I will be able to take these fantasies to the next level, but.. actually I am just going to leave this one there.

A huge thank you to everyone who has kept the beer flowing for me this month! I hope you are all enjoying the thank you photos on my Patreon.

How to Respond When Someone Posts a Sexy Photo of Themselves Online

Sexy Pink Bra Selfie

I am working diligently on getting my life back to a place where I feel more whole.  And part of that journey has included a stark realization, that may I never actually get there, and to just put my happiness on hold until that magical moment arrives is foolhardy at best.  So, when something joyful happens in my life, I now smile, pause, reflect, enjoy it, basically I have given myself permission to start being the happy, optimistic person that I used to be.  Going back to my childhood nickname of “ray of sunshine” is, a dream come true.  So, with all of this in hand, I posted a sexy image on Twitter last week whereby I said “somedays you have to wear that bra that makes your boobs look incredible under that most unassuming t-shirt”. 

I was celebrating the fact that I was feeling sexy, just for me.  I was at a point again, where I was feeling playful, and fun.  And within moments I received this message “I’m sorry.. no bra beats the look of a hard nipple under some cloth”.  I was shocked.  The comment literally had zero purpose.  And I realized that some people just need to be heard.  They feel it is their duty to comment on everything, to voice their opinions, and to use another person’s celebration as a platform for their own purpose.  And for a the next few hours, I got trolled hard.  Two male accounts in particular started clamoring for how I posted something public, and therefore any and all opinions and comments should be expected.  I was in the wrong for trying to moderate my own content.  And their opinions deserved to be heard just as loudly as mine.  It was, asinine. 

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NoMoreWetSpot affiliate banner that keeps you dry after sexy times and fuels this blog! Win/win!

You can read the whole thing on my Twitter under the same picture on this post if you’re bored, but let me pull out just one more quote from the account in question as he tried to explain why he wrote his comment “all I did was indicate my preference for the braless look.  It wasn’t about you”.  Obviously there was a clamoring of “then why write that”, which fell on deaf ears.  It was now about something vastly different than the original intent of feeling confident enough to share that I was feeling sexy.  It was showing a glaring truth about the social media sphere of things.  And I almost wanted to say “if you can’t saying anything nice, then don’t say anything at all”.  But you see, I don’t actually believe in that.  We as a society are too nice.  We don’t want to offend anyone so, we keep our opinions to ourselves.  What really needs to be said, is something along the lines of relevance.  Why do you feel the need to comment.  Are you adding to the conversation?  Is there relevance?  Context is king here.

What did the guy really want out of that comment?  Was he looking to see me without a bra, or with hard nipples instead?  Yeah, probably, however when I asked him flat out his intent, he didn’t seem to know.  He couldn’t articulate the rational for writing that.  And that is where my main aggravation comes from.  If you want to add to the conversation, debate, have a real conversation I am 100% for that.  But, I am not here to just be your soapbox, or have you piggyback off of my content.  

Now, you are probably asking why I titled this blog the way I did.  Quite simply, because context is everything.  Use those reading comprehension skills that you learned in elementary, and apply them.  If someone posts an article, picture, video, podcast, really anything, before you comment ask yourself what their intent is, and then ask yourself, why are you really commenting? Are you adding to the conversation?  Are you looking for something different?  Are you displeased with something?  Are you trying to network or promote your own content?  The bottom line, is interact with purpose.  Know what that is, and be responsible for your own words just as the content creator is.  And remember the golden rule of the internet, nothing is every permanently deleted, so… don’t be that troll!

Are you a sex positive person who can handle the photos that don’t make it into this blog? If so, click on my NSFW Patreon!

Hope: It Excites the Fantasies

Hope and Fantasies

Being in a good dating state of mind is the foundation of my non-monogamous dating and relationship coaching.  And if you have been following along in the last few years, you may have noticed that I took a step back when it came to dating, because I recognized that I was in a bad state of mind.  I had lost something very dear to me, and that was hope.  And as a result, I took a step back, and focused on healing, and basically tackling only those things that were already within my grasp.  I took the time to rebuild my own confidence, and sort a few things out.  In essence, I put myself into survival mode.  And then, with the help of therapy, an incredible network of friends, and my partner I slowly found my inner strength again.

But when I had just accepted that this was my life now, something miraculous happened, I found a glimmer of hope.  Without realizing it, that had been what I stopped believing in.  I shut the part of me down that was the eternal optimist, and just lived for the few moments that fueled me.  Slowly those moments grew into hours, then a full day, and then a few days at a time.  And suddenly, I felt my confidence and power come back.  It wasn’t the goal.  But it was a delightful result.  And, as an added bonus, my sexual fantasies, and erotic imagination are starting to rebuild as well.

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Over the past few years, I have started dabbling in erotica writing, and honestly, it was a muscle that felt incredible to finally put down on paper.  But it always felt a little out of my grasp.  If inspiration struck, I would have to drop everything and write that specific fantasy down.  It was not something that I had any control over.  And what’s worse, is that the fantasies, were so far beyond what I had experienced in person that they actually made me a little sad.  Here were sexy interludes, crisscrossing my brain, but fully intangible.  And yes, I know that many erotica writers are primarily doing so in the fiction realm, but what I wanted to write, I also want as a real part of my life.  And well, without hope, I buried that, deep into the depths of my imagination. 

I actually did something that I learned as a very young girl, and that was to compartmentalize.  But here I sit, with a growing clarity and a slowing re-merging confidence realizing that these fantasies could become realities.  And if I was brave enough to take some action… wow!  Would I ever be in for some fun times and sexy adventures.  I am flushed just thinking of the possibilities.  Of putting down the guard that always says no, until I have weighed out all the pros and cons, and just opening up, a little bit more than I have in the past. 

And finally, just writing this post, my brain has been awash with a few percolating fantasies.  While the majority will simply exist on paper, there are a few that I might try and make reality.  And that is both terrifying and deeply erotic.  It is a place I want to grow more comfortable with exploring, and all of that was made possible by the tiny little word… hope.

If you’re curious what fantasies I am working on, check out my Patreon page for the latest!

Self Pleasure Challenge

Aka My First Giveaway!

Self Pleasure Challenge

As 2019 comes to an end, I have come to value and understand the importance of self care, and the exploration of pushing myself outside of my comfort zone. Self care is amazing for my mental health, and pushing my limits brings adventure and meaning to my life. With that in mind, I wanted to find a fun way to share these life lessons, that of course I learned the hard way, with all of you. So I came up with a concept of the self pleasure challenge/giveaway with my incredible sponsor Betty’s Toy Box.

The rules are simple:

  1. Purchase a new item for self pleasure.  It doesn’t have to be through Betty’s Toy Box, but if you do, I can save you a little money and you support this blog (just type BreakingAway at checkout)
  2. Write down 2 or 3 words that best describe why you chose that toy or self pleasure product
  3. Take a picture of it in the box to share with me via Twitter (DM’s and private messages are open if you are not comfortable sharing publicly), or via Patreon
  4. Then Boom! I will enter your name into a draw to take place 6 weeks from now (January 28th, 2020), and you can win an actual item from Betty’s Toy Box (see dildo pictured above)!

This contest is designed so we can have some fun, try something new, and start 2020 on the best note possible. I will be sharing what I have learned and the exploration of my new toy (as pictured above) and I hope you do the same with me! Being sex positive is about more than just being comfortable talking about sex. It’s about sharing all the diverse ways that we can find pleasure and joy in our daily lives! So, are you up for the challenge?

Looking for an extra chance to win? All Patreon subscribers are automatically given one bonus entry, and of course the behind the scenes photos! So enjoy!