Ok, let us delve a little deeper into this whole aftershock conversation. One of the most surprising things to be brought up, is the correlation between aftershocks and NRE (new relationship energy). Now this is a fascinating rabbit hole that I am eager to go down. I personally have always equated NRE with the butterflies and have written a few articles on how I adore chasing butterflies. In fact, that is precisely what made non-monogamy so appealing to me. The idea of being in a solid relationship and not having to shut off the possibilities of experiencing butterflies with new people.
But what if what I was describing with sexual aftershocks has some sort of correlation with NRE? Butterflies and NRE for me, have been this sheer blissful, shocking, happiness wave of new excitement. Whereas with the aftershocks, it is entirely sexual in nature and is basically like little reminiscent orgasms when I experience a memory. And the memory could be as far back as with my first relationship, or first time masturbating with a new toy, or the like. They are random and unexpected body sparking orgasmic memories. And yes, often it overlaps with NRE, or the butterflies, but I’m not positive that this is a correlation vs causation scenario. It feels different to me somehow.
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I get the butterfly feeling when I flirt, or see a cute face (or butt). But, cannot get that aftershock feeling unless there has been a physical connection. It’s like the release of stored or shared energy. Haha… I’m really trying to explain this, and all I am doing is turning myself on! I of course, want everything. The sex, the aftershocks, the butterflies, and the NRE. Yes, please universe, yes please!
Now, these are only my thoughts, based on my experience. Maybe I’m overlooking something. I really want to hear from you, and your thoughts. Where do you fall on this? Have you had aftershocks? What is the experience like for you? Do you know any resources that discuss this? Let’s talk about this!
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There is an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation with a metamorph. This beautiful woman is a rare anomaly that has the ability to perfectly match and imprint with her partner. When that happens she becomes his perfect match, in every single way, basically living for him. I’ve been thinking a lot of that episode as I am going through this period of transition. I was forced to find myself while still living with an ex. Thanks a lot Covid, depression, illness, and of course financial woes. The last few years have been a lot, and while I tried earnestly to just make the situation work, the reality was, I just had nothing left to give. And in that drained state of being this idea of a metamorph kept creeping in. Who am I? What do I love to do? What are my sexual preferences? Oh, aftershocks, (which I will explain shortly)!
I have written a few articles about being gender and relationship fluid. I love exploring that side of me, however, it has been a real challenge to accomplish without the full support of a partner. It is difficult for me to just let go with strangers. I need that safety. That intense, passionate person by my side who I can be myself with, and explore all the little dark sides of my personality with. Picture “I want to be evil” as my soundtrack as I write this out.
It seems to me, that being friends with a potential lover, before jumping into the sack with them, and showing intimacy is the only way that I can ensure that I don’t fall into the metamorph trappings. And I am terrified to admit, that I have actually been exploring that with a human being, and well, the feelings are more intense than I was expecting. Not the whole falling in love thing (although I could see that happening). It is more, the intense aftershocks I feel when we are apart. This is difficult to explain, but I am going to try simply because I want to open some dialogue, to see if others experience this, or know what this is.
So, imagine you are intimate with someone. You have an experience or a moment that is unique to the situation. A touch, a phrase is said, a special embrace, or a new sexual experience. In the moment everything is amazing, and hot as fuck. Sexual satisfaction all around. OK. Now here is the aftershock part as best I can describe.
At various moments over the next few days, my mind will wander, as it does, and I will remember the moment his hand touched my thigh for the first time. What follows for me is a flushed face, a gasp of breath, and the actual feeling of electricity bolting throughout my body. I will think about that whisper in my ear about him cumming, and boom, I am thrown back into this orgasmic lightning bolt of a moment again. And then I remember the feeling of just being held in his arms, and it’s the same. Words, sensations, visuals, they all can offer this aftershock. And the experience of memory isn’t something that my friends can relate to. Maybe it’s because I have troubles articulating it in words, because often when I try, I just blush and get tongue tied. And if do dare to imagine, just typing this out, I am a complete puddle. It’s as if my memories control my orgasms for a brief but intense moment. Does that make any sense? Did I type that correctly? Please know, I am trying… for science!
Now here is the one thing I’ve noticed, I cannot relive the same memory with the same intensity. It has to be new ones, and when I try to replay a memory that I know I got that after effect release from, the feelings it arouses are muted down, and often times, non existant. And I suspect, this is why I have always been so eager to explore new situations when it comes to sex. That desire to have these aftershocks in my life forever would be my absolute bliss. But… I have to be very careful that they are my experiences. They have to be organic. What I mean by that is, I am susceptible to being an enigma who just follows her partner around. And I do find that hot as well, just with a different level of intensity. I love pleasing people, and I cannot shut that empathetic part of my being off. So, on the idea of falling into the metamorph role, I can do that, but I think I prefer aftershocks? Maybe? Oh that game of balance and life eh? Clearly I need to do a whole lot more exploration on the subject, right?
So, in closing, who else has experienced aftershocks? Is this a thing? Do you have metamorph experience? Do you enjoy just being someone’s perfect lover? Let’s talk about it! I might do a little behind the scenes photo shoot for my Patreon subscribers if we get some good dialogue going… Maybe 😉
My last piece was a birthday blog, with my hopes and aspirations for what I hope to find, and embrace in my 38th year of life. If you have been reading my work for any length of time, you might have noticed that as I get older, my birthdays are becoming less gut wrenching. I think part of the reason for that is, I am finally living my best life that I possibly can. Sure things aren’t perfect, and my dreams remind me each night that all I really want is something to naked cuddle with at night, and wake up excited to learn more about in the mornings. Oh, and of course, someone who wants the exact same from me! But… there is an added element that try as I might, I just don’t know how to broach. Perhaps because men disappear before we even get that far? Ooph, OK, back on track here, bringing up being sex positive with a new person, and it is not going well, but… I keep trying!
Imagine for a moment that you are on a date with a person that you know almost nothing about. You sip your wine, laugh nervously, and talk about what you have in common. You are sharing experiences in those precious few moments that will shape the foundation of where this chance encounter might go. Statically speaking the likelihood of going past a few dates is incredibly low, but, you feel a spark and decide that you want to keep seeing this person. Cool, they want to see you back, all is great. Now, at this point you start talking about your passions and what really fuels you as a human. In my case, it is relationships, sex, and exploring everything intimate that connects our fellow human being. Oh, and by the way, I post sexy photos online, and oh yeah right, I’ve been writing about my non-monogamous experiences for over a decade. Oh… wait I forgot, I am actually working on my second draft of my first memoir of said relationship.
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Yeah… so… that’s not going well for me. Writing about sex is still taboo. Men, don’t want to bring me home to meet their families. I am not motherhood material. And yeah, they figure I am a goddess in the bedroom so they can put in zero effort where that is concerned, and then just never call again. Or, they want me to analyze their sexual past over a beer, in public, for free.
I’m not saying I would change a moment of who I am, or what I am passionate about. And yes, someday the right man will come along who understands, accepts, and is not threatened by my past or present. But hot damn I am tired. So, so tired. And I shouldn’t have to change or hide my past in order to have a future with someone, should I? I overcome hurdles every single day. I challenge myself, and others to think, be more compassionate and embrace a sex positive world. And at the end of it all, I just want someone warm to snuggle with, who loves me, understands me, and allows me to be me. I am a unique flamingo, looking for love, while embracing a sex positive future. Deep breaths, just keep going.
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Getting my shit together has been hard work. And in the last year of my life, I pushed through some really difficult things, including budgeting, accepting singledom (and the fact that this time around ghosting is everywhere), and basically forcing myself into a new writing routine. With all that said, my 38th year, I am dubbing the year of the flamingo. Which I love because it is the most unique, awkward, and interesting creature, thus my spirit animal. Embracing my inner flamingo has been an experience, and while I am not claiming to be an expert on this majestic bird, I do share a lot of traits with it. Or maybe I don’t, and just love the look of them. Either way, it’s fine.
As a very young child, I remember spending hours standing in my grandmother’s kitchen posing like a flamingo. I have no idea where this behavior came from, or for how many years I would do this. What I do know is that the memory makes me smile, recalling me in my youth, just balancing in a way that made me happy. Zero flocks given! Haha.
Now, more than ever, I need that mentality to run through me. I have written a few posts, some shared, some not published yet about embracing that I feel better with a partner. With a man in my life, I can take over the world, but alone, I only feel this about half the time, or sometimes less. Sure, I get confident bursts and moments, but then I get lonely and recall that I am missing intimacy. The thoughts of inadequacy, or being too overwhelming for certain people, or that nagging voice that says I expect too much. There we go, that brings on the tears. I don’t want to be that intimidating person. Instead, I want to be warm and fuzzy, and yet… I am that flamingo. Standing alone, in a group of thousands. That’s me. Bold, pink, and largely mysterious.
I want to be less mysterious to a few souls this 38th year of life, but, who knows what the world actually has in store for me. While embracing my own emotions has been rewarding, and calling emotions valid has helped, I do truly want partnership. I hope though that love will appear a few times this year, and maybe not end in heartache? Perhaps? Maybe… pretty please universe?
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I should be crying right now, as we are want to do with a breakup reflection. In fact, I should be going through all the typical heartbreak experiences that rejection should offer me. And yet, I am not. In fact, I am feeling confident, excited, and really hopeful. I let my heart take the lead a few weeks ago, and reach out to someone that I had grown to care deeply for. I forced my head to just take a break from over analyzing and telling me all the rational things that it normally would to prevent the impulsive text. But, I did it anyways… stone cold sober, in the middle of the afternoon.
What resulted was the most delightful afternoon I had experienced in a very long time. There was laughter, sex, and real intimacy. I was on cloud nine. And again, forced that brain of mine to just let it ride. The heart was taking a chance.
Sadly, it didn’t last, due to timing and all manor of things that are out of my control. Of course being told that hurt, and I did choke up at the notion that this was possibly a one time deal. But, there was something else, something much more interesting. This lingering feeling of hope. Here exists a man who enjoys my company, we make each other blissfully happy, and he likes me for who I am. There is no hiding, or need to impress. I feel free to act with impulse, hold nothing back, and just exist as the passionate and emotional soul that I am. And yes, if you read my last post, it came on the backside of understanding that I need to take risks. To be assertive and just go for what I want and deserve.
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He is not with me right now, because he is in the middle of finding out who he is. And the incredibly amazing thing is, he is doing the soul searching for himself. I have mad respect for a person owning their shit. For recognizing that they are not quite where they want to be in life, and need more time to figure it out. All I ask for is truth and realness. It is always OK to admit that you just don’t know. Or that you’re not ready, or of course my dream, that someone wants to just run away with me and fall head over heals in a way that makes no sense to the world…. Hahaha!
So here I sit, humbled by the knowledge that someone could just love me, and not ask me to jump through hoops or prove my worth or value. I… didn’t actually know that was possible. And now, I am riding high on this beautiful gift that this amazing man has given me, and he currently has no idea. Maybe if we maintain a friendship, I can share this with him. For now, he has asked for space, and it is the very least I can give him. He is not ready for a relationship, but… if he was he would be willing to be in one with me. The power of hearing those words from another’s lips is… intense.
I found one of the good ones, and he thinks I’m a good one too. Life is just a crazy ride isn’t it?
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