Week 11 & 12: Expectations and Words

    K Ghislaine

Well, it didn’t take long for me to miss another week of writing and then, I read my prompts and went, well F%$#. Honestly everything just feels too much right now, and that includes trying to merge these two challenges together, but, I am going to try anyways with expectations and words. Marilynne Robinson speaks to a subject matter that I have poured many words into over the years, with expectations. For you see, my subject matter has long forced me to face this challenge head on, in that, I cannot write what I think the reader wants no matter how many times I convince myself I should. And whenever I do, I watch my engagement drop, sometimes with scary volume. As a writer, no sound haunts like… crickets! And while terrifying, I have learned to be vulnerable, real, and raw (yeah I say that a lot these day) because authentic words are more impactful than trying to gauge what the reader wants. And selfishly I get more out of being truthful and authentic than I ever do when I have tried tailoring my words to reach someone.

Now speaking of words, here is my lame attempt to Segway into another challenge which is in regards to finding new words. As a young reader I took this challenge seriously. I loved reading from a variety of genres and periods of time, revelling in both old English, poetry, and modern words alike. I remember the excitement of reciting speech that made me feel regal, or out of time. Yes, I was an odd duck, but hey, who isn’t? Right?!? As I read that prompt, I grew nostalgic, with the lost magic of learning new words. But, I think this is also due in part to the lament of getting older. As my brain experiences both age, and stress, my capacity to learn new things and retain them is diminishing. As a trade off, my voice and brand are growing stronger, and more sure, but, realizing I am no longer writing with youthful nuance is difficult to accept at times.

I have not read a book with a dictionary in hand in what feels like decades. Perhaps since I first read Robert Greene’s 48 Laws of Power? Ooph, that was in my early 20s’. Maybe it’s time to challenge this brain and see what words I can learn, in tandem with trying to please my Duolingo Owl, because why not do everything at once?

For my loyal readers, I do apologize that this piece was more sterile than usual, and less random stories, but I am dealing with a family emergency and quite frankly, my energy is at an all time low. So please accept these photos, and those on my Patreon as a token of my ongoing appreciation for all of you rather than just my words.

Week 10: Leisure

    K Ghislaine

Isabel Allende challenges this zany idea of using leisure to fuel creativity rather than strict discipline. What sorcery is this? Who does that!?! How does one produce anything without fierce and focused determination, carved out daily writing quiet time, and of course coffee? I’m actually not jesting as much as I want to be.

Looking back, I have taken many a road trips to beautiful mountain landscapes to achieve this rare blend of leisure, and creative fuel. But the thing is, in the winter, I have zero motivation to be out in nature. And thus I rely on schedule and a stricter writing mantra than in the summer. It’s a strange thing to think about, yet it’s true. Yes, I know I could employ the whole go for a drive technique that often stirs up imagination, but without a warm destination, I talk myself out of it. And thus, I have this immense conflict of emotions bridging leisure with writing.

I write with more passion in the sunshine and fresh air. But, I cannot do these things if I am even the slightest bit cold, so until I move somewhere warm all year round (not something I have any desire to actually do) I am stuck with seasonal schedules. And admittedly I think this is why I have struggled to get the ole podcast I keep mentioning recorded. The winter months simply don’t support my random creativity like the sunshine. Maybe what I am really saying is that I am addicted to the D. The vitamin D, get your head out of the gutters! Ok, maybe that too, but that is a whole other post.

That’s all for now. Stay tuned next week to see what randomness comes out of my brain during my year long writing challenge venture. And for those on my Patreon, fuelling me with coffee and beer money, thank you!

Week 9: Character

    K Ghislaine

This weeks challenge is one that I am going to blatantly disregard, even though I absolutely see the value in it, because I am captivated by the words that lead up to the challenge of character instead. For those who are not following the book itself, which I assume is almost all of you, Edith Wharton speaks to the idea of characters and them being influenced by people that we know. She goes on to explain that the moment a character is written down, no matter how closely inspired by someone else, they become different, or in her words they “instantly cease to be real”. The challenge she poses is to write down 5 traits, and then start a new character with the baseline of those traits, but do so without mentioning any of the traits. The beginning of a whole new entity seemingly from your imagination. As a writer of memoirs and life this did not excite me as much as the listen activity that lead up to it.

Here’s my story. Almost without fail, when I tell people that I write, they want to know if they can or will be in it. That’s fairly standard for any writer. People love personalizing things, it brings them closer to the medium and we simply cannot help being the vain little creatures we are, believing the world revolves around us. Now that is all well and good in the land of the vanilla. However, as you should know, my writing experience did not start there, as evidenced by this blog. So when I would go out into the real world, and share the subject matter of my blog, I was faced with an even stranger truth, the ones who desperately wanted to be the subject of my writing.

Beer with a friend, or a new acquaintance would go like this. “Nice to meet you! What do you write about? Oh really?! Have I got a story for you! Let me now overshare a personal sexual tryst that I know you are going to love.” For those who know me in person, you can well imagine the look of horror on my face. For those who don’t know me face to face, and wonder why the look, especially as I tout myself as being sex positive, let me explain. I love talking about sex, relationships, and the like. However, there is a time and a place. Rarely do I share a story simply to brag about my sexual exploits. In fact, there is the possibility that if I did, I would be far more famous than I am currently, which is not at all. But, I am not here for fame. I am here to share real world experiences in the hopes that others can relate or learn things.

In my mind, very little conversation or discussion can arise from someone excitedly telling me a tale of how this one time, their lover told them they were the best they had ever had and this is exactly why they said that! Yes, I know, writing that down it is clear they wanted me to turn around and say, prove it! Let us jump in the sack right now so I can test the validity of your sexual prowess. Hmmm… now that’s a thought experiment. How many people would have gone through with it, versus chickening out in the moment? Some questions will simply never be answered, and that is not a bad thing.

So back to the whole character writing part. I don’t think I could ever do justice to a piece that simply shared the sexual exploits of others. My attraction lies in the individuals I sleep with, and their unique personas. And I find the complexity of people to be compelling. None of that allure gets conveyed when a person brags to me about their sex lives moments after we have our first sip of beer. Holy hell am I ever glad that I don’t date any more. So many moments are rushing through my head right now that it is difficult to focus on the subject at hand, which is developing a character with traits that are compelling. So, to all those who have wondered if I will ever share your stories, the answer is almost certainly no. And in fact, if you ever see yourself in my book, chances are it is from a shared experience and not from any character development on my part. That is not a skill that I want to hone, as a matter of personal integrity and privacy to those with whom I have been intimate with.

Phew, that was a bunch to get off my chest. Stay tuned for the randomness that I’m sure I will bring forth next week! And if you can’t wait that long, feel free to check out the bonus content on my Patreon.

Week 7 & 8: Editing and Music

    K Ghislaine

Well, last week I gave myself my first pass, for writing consistency, or clearly lack there of. It is not something I am very generous about doing for me, but hey it was Valentine’s and a long weekend so… it happened and I only beat myself up a little bit with guilt. To get back on track let me merge two writing challenges together that actually hit home and work together, editing and music.

For anyone who doesn’t know, I have written a book, and am currently in agent finding purgatory. But in order to write this book, I did exactly what Zadie Smith suggested, even though I had zero intention of doing that. With a focus on editing she recommended taking a piece that you hadn’t looked at for a time, and re-reading it with the eyes of reader, rather than a writer, and ooph did that ever hit home. When I had left my project, and my past relationship, I picked it back up with fierce determination to get the story right, so I could in essence let go of the baggage. Because I was simply to close to the project, I decided to read it out loud. That was eye opening, and not in a good way.

When I became the reader, I realized to my horror, that the story was flat, and wrong. Something I would have not picked up on had I not stepped away from it. And thus, I had to re-write it, almost in it’s entirety. As I was doing this, I altered my playlist. Yes, this is my nice way of merging these two writing prompts into one piece. Amy Tam spoke to the idea of utilizing music to maintain a mood, basically keeping a song on repeat until that section or tone is correct. And hot damn, if that didn’t resonate with me. In order to get myself back into the writing zone, I would find a song that brought up those particular feels, and would listen to it on repeat. Once I was effectively transported back, I would turn on classical piano and just start pouring my soul out. It was a tactic I stumbled upon and I am so grateful to these prompts for bringing this to the forefront of my brain, so I can now put into words and hopefully future motion things that will ensure my words remain real and raw. Story time:

While this is a painful memory to share I’m going to anyways; the song that I went to in order to finish my book, was Vampire by Olivia Rodrigo. I won’t summarize it, other to say, that the slow sombre beginning brought me down to a place that I could be reflective. As it gets bolder I would get angry, and then feel guilt for being so gullible. These are emotions that are very difficult to keep in motion at the same time, and yet, I needed to be there, in order to remain authentic in my voice. I am not saying by any stretch that I was successful. But, that is technique I used, and one that now that I have read this writing prompt will use again in future to get things right. Find a song, listen to it on repeat to get into that zone, mood, whatever you want to call, and let the words pour out. I just hope that by doing that first, the words I read out loud to edit will be less horrible that they were in that long forgotten first draft…!

Thank you all for coming on this journey with me. And thank you all for the shared stories, words of encouragement, and of course my Patreon subscribers. Stay tuned for next week.

Week 6: Humility

    K Ghislaine

Last night, I had a dream that I finally was able to do the splits. It’s something that I have wanted to do for a long time, but, have never really put in a solid effort to accomplish. In the dream, the trick was to do front splits, instead of side splits, and presto, I was able to spread out with ease. Dreams are funny that way. They often make connections for me, that my waking brain simply never can. The lesson is that sometimes I have to approach things from an unconventional way in order to achieve what I want to. And this little anecdote brings me to this weeks writing prompt, which is humility.

Agatha Christie writes about trying to emulate your writing hero, only to realize that one must in fact find their own way to go about things. The prompt further challenges the writer to look deep into what our strengths, and weakness really are. By digging deep into where you can grow, and where you excel, you ultimately will find your voice. The thing of this is, as I am sure with almost every creator out there, focusing on the areas that need improvement is easy, whereas, understanding or even acknowledging where you shine? Well my friends that is where the difficulty lies.

Can you actually create if you feel humility? If you are at the top of your game, knowing that no matter what you put onto the page, canvas, or whatever medium you choose, will be amazing, is there value? Or is it better to always be a pained and struggling artist? Is that where the heart and sentiment truly lie? I don’t know the value of ever writing with humility. Perhaps if that victory is ever achieved, it would be time to teach young minds about the craft that I hold so near and dear.

There is a part of me, that struggled with doing this women’s writing challenge because I didn’t want to change who I was, nor how I wrote. In fact, that fear, has probably kept me from doing a lot of things in life. Failure, is difficult for me to accept. Which brings me back to my dream. I know, that changing my point of view is something I am very good at doing. What I am not so great at, is the stick-to-it-ness. When I keep banging my head against the wall with no results, it eats away at my drive to continue. But here I sit, knowing deep deep down, that my writing strength is that I keep writing. And as evidenced by my many years blogging, the writing, it has actually improved a great deal. Perseverance is my writing strength as much as my nemesis.

And, yes, my ability to try new things. There, a tinge of humility has escaped my lips. I am very good, at absorbing new information, listening with all my facets, and changing or amending my opinions. And that my friends is what makes my writing what it is, something many of you enjoy reading. While my fear keeps me from actually giving up, hence not admitting to myself that I may never do the splits and therefor if I stop practising daily then I can’t actually fail. Maybe that’s a stretch in logic (pun very much intended), but hey, my perfect counterbalance to being so flexible (I can’t stop now) is by me not putting wasted effort into things that I might never achieve.

Welcome dear friends to my convoluted brain when I task myself with something bigger than I have the mental capacity to currently handle. A mishmash of thoughts, and ideas flow out of me, and if I let my stream of consciousness do the leading, this, is where we end up, with Intuition and Logic, the post I struggled with last week and said I don’t do. Ha! In actual fact, that last paragraph was my way of knocking myself down a peg after admitting that I was really great at something. Maybe just maybe, I have always written with a humble nature, and that’s what makes me relatable at times. But then again, maybe not.

For those following along on Patreon, yes, there are some behind the scenes pictures on there!!! Enjoy and thanks for the support.